August 6, 2011 by Stacy McDonald

Modesty Helps Foster Friendship in Women

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I think the following article makes some very good points:

Though each woman may have different ideas about exactly what it means to be modest, there is a general agreement that putting forth some level of conscious effort to avoid looking like a backup dancer in a Snoop Dogg video is a good thing. And it’s fascinating to see the effect that it has on women’s interactions with one another.

When I was in my 20s, I worked at a startup company where there were no standards for appropriate dress. Over time, an unspoken tension developed among the females of the office…

Read the whole article here: “Modesty Helps Women Be Friends”

WARNING: Before I begin, I’d like to make it clear that when I use the word “modesty”, I am neither referring to “pants vs. dresses” nor some sort of Christianized burka. The issue isn’t personal opinions regarding styles of dress. The issue is when, if, and how to confront those who are displaying sexually explicit areas of their bodies (either by uncovering them completely or clearly showcasing them). Please do not misunderstand this post as an invitation to become a “man-made rule maker,” policing other Christians based simply on their style of dress.

The premise of this article is love and it is directed only to Christians. It is not in reference to visitors to your church, people you don’t know, or unbelievers.

So here is a question inspired by the topic in the article above:

When a young Christian in your life dresses immodestly, do you love her enough to say something to her or do you keep silent, fearing her reaction? 

Here is what happened to me years ago…

I was 22 years old and a brand new Christian when something happened to me that forever impacted my opinion of how to approach immodesty in new Christians. An older woman, the precious lady who led me to the Lord, became very frustrated with me after she and her family invited me to visit their beach cabin.

I had been walking around in front of my friend’s husband and teen sons all weekend long in a bikini, with just a light, button down shirt thrown over the top of it. Finally, in obvious frustration, she told me I needed to “go put some clothes on!”

I was horrified and so embarrassed! I still remember standing there on the beach wondering if I should run to the cabin or bury myself in the sand. Maybe a wave would swallow me. I felt like the “emperor who had no clothes!” All of a sudden I realized I was practically naked – and had been, all weekend!

I recall wishing that she would have been frank with me about modesty at the beginning of the weekend (privately and gently). Her hesitancy caused her own unnecessary frustration, and it cost me immense humiliation. While I had noticed her coolness toward me that weekend, I hadn’t realized what was causing it.

Confrontation, especially in an area that is so personal, can be very, very difficult. It’s no fun. In fact, it’s downright painful! And, it’s important to remember that immodesty isn’t always purposeful – at least not on a conscious level.  So, sometimes we just need to gently say something early on and the issue is easily resolved. In fact, the “loving thing” to do is to say something – hopefully before the person has humiliated themselves completely.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34–35)

What about the Wife?

And, on the other side of the coin, if you are the one who is confronted, remember that the “loving thing” to do is to dress modestly – especially around the husbands and sons of others.

Years ago, I was sitting with a friend at church when a young women (with solid Christian parents) walked by who was showcasing her assets in skin tight jeans and a low cut blouse. My friend glanced over at her husband and sons who were standing nearby and said, “I realize she is very proud of her breasts and all; but, it would be nice if she kept them to herself.”

I was a bit taken aback by her bluntness, but it struck me that day that she was onto something. Although, I think a more accurate observation would be that this young woman should have been glorifying God by “keeping them” (as well as other things) for her own husband, instead of “sharing them” with everyone else’s…because, well, because that would be the loving thing to do.

You see, the thing I find so interesting is that those who freak out when this subject comes up – those who are scared to death of offending the potentially weaker sisters who dress immodestly (even when those “weaker sisters” have been Christians for years) – don’t seem to be worried about the “weaker sister” who is hurt when she has to sit beside her husband in church with a mini skirt in her face all service. Why isn’t anyone concerned about her? How about the poor visiting family who has to sit behind the pastor’s daughter who seems to have forgotten her underclothes?

“Our prayer must not be self-centered. It must arise not only because we feel our own need as a burden we must lay upon God, but also because we are so bound up in love for our fellow men that we feel their need as acutely as our own.” – John Calvin

I remember one friend whose husband struggled with pornography. In tears one day, she shared with me how she didn’t even want to go to church anymore (at least not with her husband) unless they were able to sit on the front row. She said she was tired of catching her husband staring at the backsides of the girls in skin tight jeans in front of them (this particular mega church had a huge problem with immodesty – almost as big as her husband’s lust problem).

Sadly, even when they sat on the front row, they had to look up the skirts of the choir members on stage when they sat down. For a woman struggling in this type of marriage it was torture. But, nobody seemed concerned about her. If she complained to leadership she would have likely been called judgmental or legalistic.

Of course, this husband was totally responsible for his own sin. In fact, my friend wound up divorced; but, that isn’t the point. In fact, the point isn’t my friend’s husband at all. The point is that my friend was hurt, not only by the wandering eye of her own husband, but by her many sisters in Christ who gave him such ample opportunity, and who should have known better.

Love One Another

If you are a man:

1. Love your wife (or future wife) enough to guard your eyes and keep them “just for her.” (Proverbs 5:19)

2. Love other women enough to respectfully look away when they display themselves, remembering that many don’t know any better.

3. Love your wife and daughters enough to protect them from the wandering eyes of others.

4. Most of all, love your God enough to glorify Him with your eyes and your thoughts (Job 31:1).

If you are a woman who already understands modesty:

1. Love your sisters in Christ by loving the women in your midst. See beyond their sin, to who they are in Christ (or the potential of who they could be in Christ). Remember to be merciful and long suffering with them, as Jesus is with us.

2. Love your sisters in Christ enough to let them know when they are dressed immodestly, hopefully before they humiliate themselves, but after you have built a relationship with them. Also, make certain you are indeed addressing real issues of indiscretion – not simply your opinion of a certain style.

Consider how you would want someone to confront you of sin. Be gentle and take things slowly, but be honest (Matthew 7:12). Be prepared to love your sisters enough to be misunderstood, mocked, or even hated.

3. Love your brothers in Christ enough to endeavor to be that Titus 2 woman who is called to teach the younger women, among other things, to be discreet and chaste (Titus 2:4). (See also The Beauty of Chastity)

4. Do not assume false motives of your sister. Remember that we are all in different places on the path of sanctification. Always think the best of others.

5. Most of all, love your God enough to trust Him with your husband, your sons, and your marriage. Love Him by fearlessly and humbly loving His people.

If you are a woman who has not seriously considered the Christian’s call to modesty:

1. Read your Bible and earnestly pray that God would show you how He would have you dress. Consider the fact that our bodies are to be used to glorify God (1 Corinthians 6:20) and that we are called to love others sacrificially.

2. Love your brothers in Christ (and other men) enough to want to help them not to sin, rather than risk being a likely stumbling block. Yes, some guys will lust regardless, just make sure you aren’t an actual participant in the problem. Love your husband (or future husband) enough to save yourself for him.

3. Love your sisters in Christ (and other women) enough not to hurt them by flaunting yourself in front of their husbands, and not riling up the “mama hen” in them in relation to their brothers and sons.

4. If you are confronted about modesty, do not assume false motives of your sister (or brother). Know that it is likely that she has your best interest in mind. Try to be teachable and always think the best of others.

5. Most of all, love your God enough to be willing to lay down your “favorite outfit” if you know that it causes someone else to stumble. Remember that your body belongs to God:  For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s. (1 Corinthians 6:20)

“Let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works…” (Hebrews 10:24)

“For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” (Galatians 5:13)

“But beware lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to those who are weak. (1 Corinthians 8:9)



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41 Responses to “Modesty Helps Foster Friendship in Women”

  1. Alexia says:

    this is one of the most powerful articles on modesty that I’ve read in a long time. and I pray that it will FLY around and land precisely where God wants it to! God bless you sister, for so lovingly addressing such a HUGE problem in our churches! :-)

  2. Becky says:

    Wow! Great article. Our church doesn’t have a big problem with immodesty (thankfully, our pastors are very conscious of that- even enforcing a dress code for our worship team, etc). I never really realized though, that immodesty on another woman’s part can cause tension- guess I just never had that as a conscious thought, but it’s so true! Some people might try to use the “legalism card” but it’s so true that out of love for others we should be modest. There’s no way we can have any idea what will be a stumbling block to others. Our churches our often filled with people from every walk of life, every culture, etc. Everyone is from a different background and has different struggles, so we can’t just expect that everyone is accepting and we are free to “play up our assets” because it gives us a boost in confidence or whatever. Plus, we SHOULD look different from the rest of the world as believers.

  3. So well said, Stacy. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your journey to learning to become modest. And thank you for the wonderful advise on how to handle this subject…how to love our sisters enough to help them learn as well. This is such a blessing.

  4. Courtney says:

    Great post!

    I like the point that you made, in that we have a duty to speak the truth in love to our sisters. The approach needs to be one of humility and kindness, but it still needs to be done.

    And that I too, must have a teachable spirit when others come to me in love. I pray that my heart is always striving to dress modestly, but I do fall short. And I would much rather be told this in love from a sister in Christ, than to walk on blindly in my sin.

    So thank you for this encouragement!

  5. Jeannie Herndon says:

    Such a great article. I am so blessed to be marred to a man who is gentleman enough to look the other way. As the band director at a midwestern college years ago, I learned something about this wonderful man. During the basketball games at half time, the dance team would take the court. They were very immodestly dressed and their dancing only accentuated this fact. I rarely attended the games, but was at one game. Brad had his back to the dancers and was sorting through his music. One of his students commented to me that he always turns away when the dancers come on. His students understood what an honorable man Brad is, and his testimony with these young men and women was very strong! It spoke volumes to our own daughters as well.

  6. Angela says:

    Amen!!

  7. risse says:

    Thank you very much!

    I have grown up in a family very much concerned with modesty, and have three brothers and my Dad who are men of course, so my awareness of this kinda stuff has been forefront in my mind.

    It is so easy to not act modestly (in the way I walk or talk), or dress modestly because that is what our culture promotes. But, I am encouraged anew by this article.

    Thank you!

  8. Shelly says:

    Stacy, I’m wondering if there is a sister that is in error and refuses the correction of an older and loving lady in the church about her immodesty…if the correct action then would be to have a godly man in the church go and speak with her husband? If he is the head of the family and all within it are a reflection on him, then shouldn’t he be admonished to step in and remedy the issue? We all know that there are men inside and outside the body of Christ that gain some kind of “ego boost” knowing men are coveting his wife’s body (making him an emotional pimp)… and then there are those that “coast” with their households to the popular things of the culture and go with whatever the females demand. Either way, should “step 2″ be to go to him to get his household in order? And if so, how far are we willing to press the issue with him? Just curious about how you see that scenario.

  9. Ruth says:

    Our youth leaders keep a box of large size inexpensive tshirts that are given out to the teen girls who dress imodestly at youth group. They are called aside privately and this is explained. Surprisingly, it is well received. (These girls usually come through the bus ministry.)
    Once a neighbor girl came to our home to play board games with our family. She had on a bikini top and shorts. I called her aside and told her that I did not want my sons looking at her with wrong thoughts and would she be able to put more clothes on. She is still coming to our house, is now a Christian, and faithfully attends church.
    Stacy, I have never mentined this to a woman. When woman dress this way, I am assuming that their marriage is not where it should be because they are seeking the attention of other men. I don’t know….just a thought. I have asked women to pull their tops up saying “My husband does not need to see that.” in reference to their clevege, but that is all I’ve said. I know….I’m a coward. :(

  10. Wonderful article! Really makes me think about what I wear and how I judge others. Thank you for your ministry.

  11. Jennifer says:

    I do wish, Stacy, that that older lady had been kinder to you and honest far sooner; that would have saved you both a lot of discomfort. You were just saved, after all, and probably not used to the idea that bikinis could be bad.

  12. Alondra says:

    amen, it comes down to love. I wonder what you do when you privately confront a friend and they flip out and say you are over reacting and they think they are modest, and a friendship ends, happened to me. It is hard, but I am still glad I said something, because it was in love, and I still love this friend and hope one day she will remember I loved her enough to say something. I agree you should not wait, I did, I should have said something much sooner.

  13. lindy abbott says:

    You post brought tears to my eyes. I still want to cry. I have a friend whose husband said he couldn’t remain sexually pure at church – it was too hard for him. This is so sad. They didn’t demand others to change for them, but they did have to leave, because no one would have acted upon hearing this sincere need.

    And as you say, the key is LOVE. So many people say it is grace, in a way to say overlook sin, don’t point out sin, don’t teach God’s way… and if you do speak out you are judging and legalistic even if you are not.

    We all need to listen, speak, and offer love. Love does many things. Love is not deaf and it is not silent and it is not inactive. Love is moved by compassion of others. Love is demonstrated.

  14. Jennifer says:

    I still can’t believe that poor wife had the problem of her addicted husband being tempted at church! And to think she might have been blamed if she’d spoken up; ugh.

  15. Ginger says:

    I agree w/ this. The problem comes in how we define modesty. I have no qualms about letting a woman at church know that her cleavage is showing, standing up or bending over, or if her shirt is so short I can see her (oh my there’s no nice word for that!). I’ve never had to do this since leaving our unbiblical megachurch for our small unapologetic biblical body of believers btw. But what about the things I deem as immodest which are just my personal opinion? I’m a skirt lover, but those who wear knee length skirts aren’t therefore immodest because I’m in an ankle-length skirt.
    I don’t know. It’s just a blurry area. Too many define modesty by comparison.

  16. Stacy McDonald says:

    Ginger – I would stick to talking to those who are displaying sexually explicit areas of their bodies (either by uncovering them completely or by clearly showcasing them). I wouldn’t mention a skirt that just happens to be shorter than what I would wear (unless I’m seeing up the gal’s thigh when she sits down). Neither am I going to mention a blouse that is lower than what I would feel comfortable wearing, unless I see her breasts (cleavage) when she bends over. And again, this is all in the context of relationship.

  17. april says:

    this was absolutely wonderful. Thank you for posting it.

  18. Deanna says:

    Very good post Stacy.

    I am going to share it with my daughters, so they can add another layer of understanding to the reasons for modesty.

    Deanna

  19. Georgia says:

    If every women in the world dressed modestly do you really believe that would eliminate or reduce lust? How does modesty help foster friendship in woman friends? Maybe some woman are just plain jealous. Will it reduce or eliminate jealousy? The message I get from this article is that it is the responsiblity of women to reduce lust and jealousy. That is a huge responsibility. Stacy is it possible that the older woman who embarrassed you secretly wished she had your figure?

    I go to a full gospel church and I am glad that the people there continue to praise Jesus without stopping to look at what everyone is wearing.

  20. Dawn says:

    Years ago, I gently addressed this issue in our church and Christian school.
    I had three teen sons at the time.
    I was told that my sons were perverts and should look the other way.
    Not even the most gentle words are received.

  21. Stacy McDonald says:

    No, Georgia. The sin of lust resides in the heart of the one lusting (man or woman). But, that doesn’t negate the fact that we women have a responsibility to dress decently – especially during worship. We are communicating something about God and what we think of Him by the way we dress (we are His Bride and represent Him to the world). Many women “use” men by craving and drawing their attention (they lust after being lusted after) in the same way that men “use” women by craving…other things.

    Not every woman that dresses like a slut happens to be a slut. And not everyone woman who dresses that way is even conscious of what she’s communicating or the affect she has on those around her. That is what teaching is for. There are so many reasons to dress modestly, but the underlying reason should be love – love for God and love for our neighbor.

    When a young woman is taught to cover the sexually explicit areas of her body, and not showcase them, out of respect for herself, her neighbor, and her God, she is being taught the royal law (James 2:8).

  22. Heather says:

    A few years ago, I noticed that modesty was slipping in our church, and by that, I mean, decent, biblical modesty. Keeping those things covered that should be reserved for your husband and only your husband, such as straps, chest areas, short skirts, etc. I went to leadership on this and asked how we could tactfully and biblically address this, as it could be a stumbling block for the teen boys and men in our church. I too, like Ginger, (above) was accused of being legalistic and judgmental and told that it wasn’t my place or the church’s place to say anything. If not the church, where? Some persons are coming in brand new and have not yet reached that place in the Bible where it is taught. In love, we should-and could, bring our sisters to this place of understanding of biblical modesty. This article is a great starting place! Thank you for writing it!!

  23. Stacy McDonald says:

    “Maybe some women are just plain jealous…. Stacy is it possible that the older woman who embarrassed you secretly wished she had your figure?”

    It depends on what you mean. I doubt my friend would have had any trouble with what I was wearing if she and I had been there alone, or even with just other women. But, since her husband was there (and sons) it troubled her, and rightly so. Her husband has no business seeing the naked body of some young girl.

    Keep in mind, our God is a jealous God. He wants us to worship Him and Him alone. There is a healthy jealousy that spouses have for one another – and that is good and right. It’s not envy or covetousness because they are not desiring what God has not given them; it’s an understanding that this man or this women belongs to the one they’ve covenanted with (1 Cor. 7:4). They rightly desire the sole affections and intimate gaze of their husbands.

    Proverbs 5:19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love.

    If a man flirts with me, my husband may rightly be jealous. My body and my affections belong to him alone. In a similar way, if a woman parades her nakedness before a married man, she should expect some sort of a reaction from his wife.

  24. Blair says:

    When I read this article this morning I smiled and felt this really is true. I have been guilty of coveting other women’s bodies. “I wish I had her legs” or “Gosh, she has such a tiny waist”. When wearing modest clothes these things aren’t nearly as obvious and I don’t notice their other features and am more easily focused on their heart. Does anyone else know what I mean?

  25. Jennifer says:

    Absolutely, Blair.

    Please pray for me briefly, ladies, and some folks on more secular websites. I’m trying to extract myself from some discussion online in which certain bloggers are using charts to rate people’s attractiveness (1 to 10) and saying things like, “10′s are attracted to 10′s and 6′s are attracted to 6′s and everyone should stick to their ranks or things get messed up”. I say, who even determines what a 6 or a 10 is?? And obsesses over each individual number in a looks rank? This obsession with looks is insane; thank God for God and His ways.

  26. Jennifer says:

    Also, I should add, obsessing over looks is crazy in the matter of marriage. Maybe there is some truth to the “looks rank” thing and how people are attracted, but I don’t buy how the minute details, like the difference between a “6″ and a “7″, are automatically noted by people or important period.

  27. Jennifer says:

    Boy, on that same secular website, some men began defending porn to me. One in particular made some striking (though wrong) points: he said that since men are bombarded with sexual images of women everyday, why not watch porn? (He claimed that men are capable of seeing such things and “putting them aside”; I disagreed strongly). Wow; our culture really is out of control. This issue is vital.

  28. michelle says:

    Thanks for posting….I am one of those women who are tormented just by leaving my house with my husband because of the lack of modesty in our society. I wish this could be shouted from the rooftop of EVERY house.

  29. When you can truly see the purpose of modesty through His eyes you will NOT feel offended, there will be understanding of His word and our hearts will desire to please God~in ALL that we do EVEN the way we dress!!!
    I LOVE what I heard you say at the Ladies Tea, “Is what you are wearing a distraction to others?”
    That is a GREAT question to ask when in doubt and when not!

    Thank you, it is such a stirring topic that simply goes back to Him and His word, it is NOT a matter of our opinions just a matter of His truth!
    Carolyne

  30. AbbysMom says:

    Great article & discussion!

    Here’s something I don’t recall seeing yet,

    Lack of modesty in parishioners can also be a problem for clergy. I belong to an Anglican church and every worship service (from very traditional to contemporary) includes receiving the Holy Eucharist (Holy Communion, Lord’s Supper, or whatever it’s called in your denomination). Our rector (equivalent to senior pastor) has remarked that it’s hard for him to think about distributing the body of Christ to women kneeling at the altar when he can see their cleavage.

  31. Lynn says:

    Several years ago I was having a tough time getting ready for church. My hair wasn’t doing right, I wasn’t thrilled with what was in my closet, etc. My husband was hurrying me along and I said, “I just want to look attractive” His reply was, “Who exactly are you trying to attract?” It gave me pause, but I replied, “You, of course.” His answer was, “Good. Done. Get in the car.” It was a light hearted exchange, but it has forever changed the way I think about how I present myself.
    I don’t think women stop to think about who and what what kind of thoughts they are attracting. I once brought a room of Christian women to a stunned silence when I said that I never wanted to look “sexy” outside of my own home because “sexy” means to provoke thoughts of a sexual nature, and I didn’t want that attention form anyone exceot my husband.
    Thanks for the post. It helps me feel a little less alone in my convictions.

  32. Amy W says:

    What about topics like breastfeeding in church? No one’s ever given me a hard time about it personally (and I don’t use a cover, though I do use double-layers to keep my belly covered), but lots of moms feel like they can’t nurse in church because they’ll be chastised for a lack of modesty. They then have the choice of either going to church but missing most of the service and fellowship because they have to go somewhere else to feed their babies, or staying home altogether.

    I found this post very interesting: http://dulcefamily.blogspot.com/2010/10/why-christians-should-breastfeed-in.html

    I would argue that my child’s right to eat when he’s hungry trumps someone else’s issues with purity, but others disagree. What are your thoughts?

  33. Stacy McDonald says:

    I breastfed all my children until they were 2-3 years old. I breastfed in public, but I always made sure I was covered. I don’t think breastfeeding is a good excuse to flash my nakedness to my brothers or irritate my sisters.

    Not too long ago, I saw a woman in a tight t-shirt sitting with her baby (she was very well endowed and the shirt accentuated that). Suddenly, she lifted her baby into position and I realized she was going to breastfeed that baby right there with no cover! She was in a conversation with two other married couples and the men looked very uncomfortable (one woman got up and left, visibly irritated). I can’t imagine how distracting that must have been for everyone. While I don’t think she was actually exposing skin (I wasn’t sitting right there), the fact that she was already dressed so immodestly made it that much worse.

    Personally, I don’t mind if a woman breastfeeds in front of my husband with a blanket covering herself; however, I would be very uncomfortable if she weren’t covered.

  34. Jessica says:

    Stacy with being covered in public for breast feeding, what about those babies that will not feed when covered? Obviously that doesn’t mean to go flashing everyone but some babies just wont feed when covered.

  35. Stacy McDonald says:

    Jessica – as my babies got older, I had a few that refused to have a blanket over them while nursing (they were just too curious about what was going on around them). During those times, I found a private place to nurse. There was no way I was going to risk flashing everyone! Every church I attended or visited provided a place to nurse privately (even those without a “nursing room”). I’ve never been afraid to ask for help in finding privacy, and I’ve never been refused help – even in restaurants etc.!

    I’ve nursed in offices, cars, bathrooms, waiting rooms, kitchens, bedrooms, closets, and parking lots. I got creative. But I never felt the need to nurse, uncovered in front of men (and I’ve nursed a lot of babies for a lot of years).

  36. Jennifer says:

    I agree with Stacy; there’s always somewhere (or somehow)available for modesty with breastfeeding. Can’t imnagine doing it any other way.

  37. Rachel M. says:

    I grew up in a church that asked women to wear long dresses or skirts, wear sleeves below the elbow, long hair (uncut), no jewelry and no make up. I struggled with everything listed in high school. I longed for jeans, jewelry and makeup. I left that little church and didn’t look back for a long time. However, I couldn’t get past the modesty part that had been drilled into my head from day 1. I wore baggy clothes in college, a size 4 in size 8 clothes! Never wanting to show off my body. Over the years, I’ve come to appreciate what that little church was doing. They wanted to separate themselves from the world, they make a very conscience effort to look different. As an adult I appreciate their dress as a respectful way of life to God and their families.

    I really appreciate your article for addressing these issues. I have struggled with not wanting to judge my fellow Christians in a modern church but many times feeling shocked at the lack of modesty seen on a Sunday. Thank you for writing this.

  38. Chantal says:

    Jennifer Fulwiler is one of my favorite blog author. She is usually has a very good discerning and understanding, She has only been a christian for about 7 years and considered herself atheist her whole life.

  39. Tracy says:

    This is such an excellent post, it’s prompted my first comment ever to your blog. It is balanced and very well written. I posted it on my Facebook page and several of my friends shared it on theirs as well. No doubt this post will make its rounds! Thank you for addressing such an important, yet sensitive topic, with such grace.

    I remember as a teenager, I visited my best friend who lived in another town. I had been friends with her for several years and was close to her family, but I was not really walking with the Lord at the time. I wore my cheerleading sweatpants over to her house which had the name of our school right on the rear end. My friend’s father said something to me. He asked me if I thought it was appropriate to draw attention to my rear end. I was so embarrassed and could think of nothing else the rest of the evening and was very self-conscious. He felt comfortable saying something to me because I was like one of his daughters. Thankfully, he pulled me aside, with my friend, to say something, and did not say it in front of everyone there.

    It has stuck with me all these years and I’m 40. Don’t underestimate the impact that a gentle, loving, reprimand can have on another person. Yes, I was embarrassed, but it was my own fault. Yes, I did end up changing pants. :)

  40. Priscilla says:

    Thank you for this article. I appreciate your words about ‘showcasing’. I have not heard that word used for many years, and quite forgot it.

    Our 80 yr old Pastor Fred has preached on this subject and asked us women and girls to look in the mirror before we leave home (to go anywhere), and ask ourselves if this is how we want to look before Jesus today. He says we should dress as if we were to see Jesus. It puts the modesty issue into perspective.

  41. Jennifer says:

    I find that guy’s actions rather unnecessary, Tracy. He should have asked his wife to address you.

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