June 24, 2011 by Stacy McDonald
The Little Things…
The following article was written by my sweet daughter, Christa. Here, she shares with you her struggle with discontentment and melancholy. She talks straight about her desperate desire to be pregnant again. So often, we who believe that “children are a blessing” forget that they are also a gift. How many of us demand gifts from our family members or friends? A gift is a gift. It’s something to be thankful for – not something to expect.
Christa shares how this attitude of gratefulness hit her, and finally gave her the peace she was after. As she acknowledged that God was in control of all things, and that He had been incredibly merciful and gracious to her, she was able to relax and enjoy the gifts and blessings that He had already given her. She shared with me today how her husband commented, “I see a joy in you that I have missed!”
Children are a Gift
By Christa (McDonald) Blanchard
“Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward.” Psalm 127:3
As young ladies in our fathers’ homes, we are taught that children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord. He alone determines the size of our families. It is certainly a blessing to have a peaceful heart knowing that God is in control of our lives. In the following verses we see that God’s people regarded children as a blessing from the Lord (see Gen. 13:16; Ruth 4:13-16; Gen. 33:5; Josh 24:3,4; Ps. 113:9; Deut. 7:13, 28:4). They are a reward and heritage, bringing joy to their parents. Rearing a child is a sacred responsibility, and parents must depend on the Lord to help them guide their children.
We see them as a blessing, but do we see them as a gift? Do you enter marriage expecting to have children right away? Or do you plan on waiting a few years or months and then “try”? Are our children born in our timing or God’s timing?
The beginning of Psalm 127:3 tells us that “children are a gift from the Lord”. If children are truly a gift from the Lord, should we expect to get pregnant in our timing? Should we expect to be pregnant at all? Do you expect a gift from family and friends when your birthday rolls around? Or are you surprised and grateful by the gift they blessed you with?
As women, God puts the longing in our hearts to bear children–to raise children up to the glory of God, and to fulfill the mission that God has given to mankind, to be fruitful and multiply. Even though as women we are called to bear children, we still should not expect to be pregnant or even to obtain the number of children we desire.
I am the daughter to two wonderful parents, James and Stacy McDonald, who have ten children. They raised me up to love and cherish little ones. I had dreams of having a large family. As a mother of one child, a three-year-old boy, I have struggled for the past two years trying to get pregnant with a second child. My husband and I had a hard time getting pregnant with our first, but it did not take this long! We have been to a doctor to see “why” it has taken us so long to conceive another child, and after many doctor visits, the doctor finally told us that we might not get pregnant again.
My husband and I want more children, especially since both of us come from large families, and we know that God opens and closes the womb. We are happy and thankful for the son God has given us, but we did not dream that we would be the parents of only one child.
After struggling for months with being discontent, I found myself missing out on life with my husband and three-year-old because of my obsession with “getting pregnant.” Eventually, the Lord brought me to a resting place in Him.
It was this verse that gave me peace: “Children are a gift from the Lord.” Children are God’s gift, and He either withholds them or grants them to us for His own purpose and glory. Bearing children, as with any gift, is not a blessing to expect or demand. My God is in control!
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29 Responses to “The Little Things…”
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Thank you! I so needed to hear this today. After having my fourth child, I had an IUD placed. God has since moved my husband and I that it needed to be removed. We did so in April of this year. I have a very easy time getting pregnant, but am not pregnant yet. I have been disheartened by this. Your article is just what I needed to be reminded of to trust God to increase our family only as He chooses to do so.
Love the line that a child is a gift. We do not demand gifts. I cannot demand or expect another child.
May God surprise you with amazing blessings!
I could not have read this at a better time. Thank you for your reminder! Blessings on your family!
Dear Christa,
I can truly identify with your struggles in this area. I was also raised around large families, believing that we should let God plan our families.
After our third child, I was heartbroken when the doctor told my husband and I that we would never conceive again. The death of a dream was just as painful as the death of a child.
For almost two years I struggled on and off with this, even getting to the point where I wasn’t enjoying my own children and feeling envy toward my pregnant friends.
But a dear friend encouraged me saying, “If we believe that the Lord should plan our families, then why can’t we trust Him when He says ‘No’?”
AS John Newton once said, “The Lord’s appointments, to them that fear Him, are not only sovereign but wise and gracious. He has connected our good with His glory and is engaged by promise to make all things work together for our advantage. Notwithstanding any present, dark appearance, it shall certainly be well with the righteous.”
Just because you cant get pregnant doesnt mean you cant have more children. My husband and I were told we might not have kids. we tried for 7 years! during those years we got custody of his step brothers two children and then a year later got a third. we ended up adopting them. my husband was transfered to washington (he is in the navy). exactly a month after we moved here i found out i was pregnant! now with 4 children a week before thanksgiving of 2010 i found out i was pregnant again! maybe God wants to use your motherly gifts in a different way. maybe you could foster a child who needs someone to teach him or her about Gods love.
just a thought.
My husband and I are the parents of one child, a lovely daughter who is precious to us. I have shed countless tears over the years because I, too, had expected many children. However, at 43, I look around me and see many young people whom I love desperately…to whom I act as mother. I daresay that I will touch generations through them via some small impact that I may have on each of their lives. I suspect that, had I had the large family that I had intended, I never would have looked outside of my immediate family to give and receive this love. One never knows the plans or mind of God…one is only blessed by them.
Thank you for sharing this article. My husband and I have struggled for 8 long years with fertility issues.
Thank you for sharing. Today only 2 months after losing a baby to a partial molar, I found out I am pregnant again. I should not be getting pregnant by drs standards but we left it up to God. We figure he knows best. We are trusting him with this child. We know this child belongs to him, we just pray that he sees fit to allow us to raise it for him on this earth. Yes children are truly a gift from the Lord.
Thank you! I really needed to hear this right now. I’ve always wanted to have a big family. After my son was born we went along with what we thought was the right thing to do and said we wanted to wait till the “right” time to have another one. Then God showed me that we should be leaving it up to Him. My husband didn’t really agree, but after begging him he considered it only to find out that he would be deploying soon with the Army. With the deployment coming up he said we should wait, and we did. The entire deployment while he was gone I was obsessed with planning for the next pregnancy. When he came home from his deployment in December, I expected to get pregnant right away, and it’s now June and it still hasn’t happened. My husband is still not 100% sure he wants to have another right now, even though our son is 4. But we haven’t been trying to prevent it. I’ve been sad, asking God why a lot lately. I do believe what the Bible says that children are gifts and blessings from above, but I’ve been acting like a spoiled child demanding one from both God and my Husband, when I need to be thankful for the blessings I already have.
This is such a beautiful, and timely, blog entry. I knew going into marriage that my husband is completely sterile. I have a precious son from my last marriage and that ended so terribly I was okay with the prospect of not having any more – until I hit about 26. I love children and I realized then I wanted more, but I also knew it would take a miracle from God to make it come to fruition.
I became so obsessed with looking far into the future and thinking, “my family will never be complete” that I forgot all about submitting to my husband (how awful and inferior my incessant badgering and sobbing must have made him feel!) and loving my son, who is truly a gift from God.
Part of my healing has come from placing this at the foot of the cross. If God intends for me to have more children, He will make a way whether it’s through pregnancy or an adoption opportunity. The other part has been my sister having her first child. Being able to help take care of her baby has helped ease that, “I’ll never cradle a newborn again!” feeling of despair.
This is a wonderful article. You are wise to have learned to rest in the Lord. I only wish that I could have found more rest 9 years ago when we were dealing with a similar thing. Instead I was consumed with getting pregnant and looking back I see how it took my focus away from what we were already gifted with.
Thank you for sharing.
Finding joy and peace in Christ alone is a beautiful gift and as children are concerned, they are gifts and blessings and an inheritance. We live in a world surrounded with gifts and inheritances ripe and ready for the gathering up.
Our family has been blessed through fostering and while it never brought us the forever child we hoped, it was an opportunity to minister God’s love to one teen mom with no hope, a third generation little girl in the foster system and her mama, and a very precious little girl and her family and gave us opportunity to be a light to numerous workers in the social system.
As Christians, can we, in good conscious, say that God is withholding a gift or blessing from us, when we are so surrounded by children needing a Christian home?
Hannah – Thank you for your thoughts, but keep in mind, not everyone can or should foster or adopt. Still, thank you for reminding us it is always an option.
Beautifully written and well said.
However, sometimes when God closes a womb, He may be saying no to biological children, but that doesn’t mean He is saying no to children all together. Children are blessing and a gift no matter how they come to us. Be it from our own womb, or through adoption, or even foster care. In fact I believe (and have experienced) that with adoption one receives a double blessing: The gift of children and the gift of being part of God’s plan in setting the lonely in families thus fulfilling His call to His Church to care for orphans.
We must be open to all the things the Lord might have for us.
Blessings to you and your family as you walk out the good path laid before you.
Excellent post! I have struggled with the same thing, and am so thankful that the Lord used a Titus 2 woman’s encouragement, a few years ago, to remind me to be content and embrace my family size the way it is, now! Thank you for the reminder that children are gifts and that we shouldn’t expect to receive gifts. Rather, we should be overjoyed and so honored should the Lord choose to bless us with another, in His perfect time. It is all about surrender and having open hearts ready for His perfect Will. Blessings!
What a beautiful post.
I too have been struggling with discontentment… not necessarily in this area of life, but Christa’s words have definitely helped to quiet my restless soul.
I also just wanted to share the words, “In His Time…” My husband’s dear cousin is pregnant right now her second child… so desperately wanted & “tried for” for so many years. Her firstborn is 8. It has truly been a source of elation that has resonated throughout our family & has been cause for much rejoicing. Contentment is a right and good thing… just don’t give up hope! ;-)
@Mrs. H above… IUD’s are terrible things. I warn everyone that i can against them. Before my husband & I had our hearts turned, I too had one after my 2nd child and after having it removed it took us nearly 2 years to conceive. I *know* that the IUD caused me harm, because we went on to get pregnant with #4 when #3 was 5 months old!
This is a wonderful post!
There are many folks who get caught up in desiring this gift of children, as your daughter did and then start contenting or striving for this good and Godly event/behavior. Wow, she has a sensitive heart; ears that are open to hear the hard things from the Lord.. a sign of maturity.
It is so easy to start striving toward a Biblical and very ‘good’ concern, though not in a God honoring way in our daily Christian life. I have been there and it produces nothing good; nothing desired!
This article helped me see more clearly that honest, heartfelt, Biblical concerns can easily be handled in a wrong way. Thanks for the great post and a wonderful example!
Blessings,
An excellent reminder that our Lord IS in control. I LOVE LOVE these kinda testimonies! The seemingly “perfect” couple with all to give and they can’t conceive or the Docs tell them they never will. And then…..in His timing through His grace the womb is blessed among the world’s mysteries. Not really a mystery at all, just the tapping on the shoulder we need to say “you can do your part all you want but it is He and ONLY He who gives the blessing of new life”. We are His mere instruments entrusted with His precious cargo for a time that He has already pre-determined.
The physiological chances of me ever conceiving were slim to none and yet 7 I hold. In a strained and hurting marriage with not even talking, let alone hugs, how is that possible?
Again….we really aren’t in control…..are we.
I know the longing, aching, striving for that God ordained fulfillment. Even in the worst of circumstance that relentless desire to bring forth, to nurture, to care for, to put to the breast has still yet to be tamed. Will He graciously give me more…..I really don’t know, but my longing may never end.
Thank you so much for sharing,
Carolyne
I have had a really hard this with this ! I have one child but also have had many miscarriages before and after my son.
I am very thankful for my son.What a blessing he is to us.
I like that verse but im still feeling very confused about my situation….
Stacy, Just wondering…why do you say “not everyone can or should adopt”? I agree in regards to non-Christians but can’t think of a situation where a Christian should specifically NOT consider adoption.
how wonderful that you have learned to lean on God for the perfect size of your family at such a young age! My husband wanted to wait 5 years before starting a family – that was a hard thing to submit to at first since I’m the oldest of 7. But we waited, then kept on waiting. After 18 years, we gave up ever having children. But our Mighty God had other plans. Several months after our 23rd anniversary, we found out we were expecting. We have a beautiful little girl that God gave to us in our 40s. So, we’re the old parents in the group — that’s ok! We are such better parents at this age than we would have been at 20 – I know so much more of grace now.
Rest on God to determine the size of your family, and how He chooses to fill it, and He will give you peace in your hearts. His timing is ALWAYS perfect. Praise to His Name!!
Thank you for sharing your challenges and hopes and what God is teaching you !!
How sweet that she wants more babies! I won’t at all be surprised if they get them. I doubt I’ll have a big family, but how blessed I was that my parents had big families; so many awesome aunts and uncles and cousins.
Thank you for this post. I’ve been in the same sort of position and it can be very tough, especially when others assume you are using birth control or don’t want children when you want them more than almost anything else.
My husband and I married young and planned on a large family, but it took us 10 years to get pregnant with our first (we chose not to use fertility treatment or medical interventions, and had been told that I was infertile). By the time I found out I was pregnant, I had given up on having children of my own. It’s sort of like once I accepted that whatever happened was God’s will and was able to let go of worry and stress over not conceiving, then things were able to happen.
For those who are still waiting and may be discouraged, there are women who wait for years and then of get pregnant, and some have large families. My own mom was told she would never be able to have children by 2 different doctors, and she gave birth to 2 daughters. Also, I have a friend who waited 8 years or a baby then had her first child at 26, and she is now a mother of 7.
Dear Mrs. McDonald,
Thank you so very much for posting this article from your daughter. You will never know how much I needed to hear of another women’s struggle concerning this issue. My husband and I have only 1 child, a precious daughter who is 3 and though we conceived very early we have not been able to have another child. The guilt, anger, frustration and quite frankly my despair has led to a discontented life. Reading Christa’s article not only brought encouragement to me but also a conviction from God for my sinful attitude. Thank you and God bless.
Dear Christa,
children are a blessing, no matter the number of them. 01 is a number like any other.
If your quiver is full with 1, praise the Lord for that. He has his reasons, and maybe He wants that you and your husband have extra time to serve Him in ways that busy parents cannot do.
It is great that your parents have brought you up teaching you to appreciate children. Nowadays we need more young people who think like you. So, do not let the enemy use that kind of thinking for a frustration it was not intended.
Full quivers come in all sizes.
Mrs. McDonald,
I have enjoyed following your blog and have been uplifted and encouraged by the content here being biblically based…however I am asking for clarification on your comment to Hannah that says:
Hannah – Thank you for your thoughts, but keep in mind, not everyone can or should adopt. Still, thank you for reminding us it is always an option.
She never used the word adopt…and furthermore the scriptures call us to care for Orphans. On what basis did you mean this? It has left my heart broken that you might have meant it exactly how I took it…that not everyone “can or should”.
It costs you nothing to foster or adopt through state agencies. Did you mean financially not every one “can or should”?
If God’s word says it then why shouldn’t we OR why couldn’t we?
I Hannah, have been blessed as well. I WAS fostered and adopted. I have fostered and adopted (thank you Jesus!), on the call from God’s word that states : ” Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:to look after orphans and widows in their distress….” James 1:27
Hannah I commend you!!! I agree WHOLE HEARTEDLY!!!
Please Mrs. McDonald EXPAND on what you meant by that post….
By His Grace, Melanie
Hi Melanie,
I, too, was in foster care, and eventually adopted as a child. However, I meant exactly what I said. With this difference: I modified my comment because I mean to say, “not everyone is called to be foster parents, or adopt.” I have seen families with young children who were pressured into taking in troubled children, either through foster care or adoption, and then disaster struck. Their own young birth children were sexually molested,, neglected, or harmed because of the extreme needs of the children taken in. Not only are there different seasons for adoption, but not every single family is called to adopt. I hate it when families are guilted into this – mostly because it is the children who suffer. Adoption is wonderful – and if God is calling you to adopt, that is wonderful. But families with young children especially should count the cost.
Ms. McDonald,
AHHHH! I am happy to see that we agree that not ALL are called to foster or adopt…but ALL are called to care! AMEN!
However I hate to hear negative stories out there that precipitate fear. Not all stories end up like you speak of. No one should ever make decisions without The Lord. If He brings one to it, He will see them through it.
I hate that foster children get labeled. They are NOT at fault for being in the system. IT happened to them!
God does not send a spirit of fear. I disagree respectfully to “young families should count the cost”. Young families should seek The Lord, and trust Him when called.
Anyone “guilted in” surely has not made a decision based on a calling from God. Therefore it is a wrong decision as is any in life that we make based on “guilt” and without seeking The Lord, and what He has planned. Decisions based on guilt by adoptive or foster families are NOT a reflection of the foster children and their needs.
Through Him all things are possible. I surely believe that ANYONE can ask The Lord if this is what He wants of them now, but I disagree with your examples as a means to distract or put fear in people that “you have seen this happen to young families”. I have seen many terrible things in my life, but God has called us all to care for Orphans. If there is anything lovely, praiseworthy or of good report…Philippians 4:8
One would expect having been fostered and adopted, one would take a positive approach to encourage those who may be thinking about it as an option and support it. I wonder why your posts seem to have a negative spin? Are you NOT grateful that you were adopted? Was your adoptive family life a bad experience? I am earnestly asking because from where I sit…it seems like you are negative about it & have clearly labeled foster children in a negative conotation in your above post.
It seems to me the focus of families needing to seek God before making a decision about it, is the problem you have tried to state above. All are able to do anything with The Lord on their side.
~Melanie
Hi Melanie,
I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to sound like I was discouraging adoption in any way. I am very pro-adoption!!! I just worry about young families who feel pressured to adopt, when they haven’t really considered all that will entail. We are ALL called to care for the widow and the orphan – and that is not always done well in the church today. However, my only point was that not every single Christian is called to adopt and/or foster – otherwise God would have made it a law. I realize no one said this, but I worry sometimes that some young families who are not ready for this kind of responsibility, and don’t realize how much work and sacrifice it will take, feel pressured. I worry most for the children. Yes, the blessing is great, but if people go into it for the wrong reasons, the children suffer. I’m not willing to go into any more detail than that.
I do believe that before Christians make any big decision they should seek the Lord and count the cost.
Thank you for this post. We have only two children, through adoption, and having more children either by birth of adoption doesn’t seem to be God’s plan for us right now and it’s very frustrating. I always imagined a large family. My children are 7 and 8 now and it seems so wrong that there are no younger ones coming up behind them. The idea that children are a blessing AND a gift is a good reminder.
Regarding the foster and adoption thing, I am definitely in support of it, but it is something you need to research first and consider carefully before you do it. I have seen Christian foster parents foster for the wrong reasons and the children suffer. Adoption is wonderful, but you need to be prepared for what it all entails.
“Mom? Where does my birth dad live? I want to ask him why he left my birth mom when I was a baby.”
“Mom? Why can’t my birth mom live with us so you can teach her how to be a good mom?”
Definitively consider adoption and fostering, but do your research first and check your motives. Guilt should not be one of them.