November 11, 2010 by Stacy McDonald

Should “She, Obey Him?”

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By James McDonald

God’s Word inevitably conflicts with the plans of man. For instance, the Word directs us to acknowledge the God of the Bible as the One True God—we are to have no other gods but Him. Yet the sinful heart of man is inclined to persistent idolatry, seeking to satisfy our need to worship and find assurance in anything and everything but the God of the Bible.

God’s Word tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. Therefore, we’re commanded not to steal, murder, or bear false witness. Yet men are perennial thieves, liars, and gossips who trample one another in an effort to elevate their own image or status. The Scriptures teach that adultery is sin, yet men and women continue to be unfaithful and deal treacherously with one another. God’s Word tells children to honor their father and mother; yet one can simply turn on the television or walk through any shopping mall to see that the world is far from compliant with this command.

All of God’s commands have been continuously broken since the fall of man. Our hearts are full of “evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, and foolishness” (Mark 7:22-23). Without Jesus, we are in bondage to the sin we claim to hate. Of course, we’re liars, because we really love our sin.

Rebels from the Start

We are born rebels. In the Fifth Commandment, when God calls for children to honor their parents, He is teaching us that He is the ultimate source of all authority, and that He has the right to delegate that authority according to His providence in the home, in the church, and in the civil realm. It is for our good and His glory.

Still, we make all sorts of excuses for why we shouldn’t have to be under anyone’s authority. We piously claim we are under the authority of God alone; but too often we nullify that claim by refusing any real accountability.

When we are taught as children to honor our parents, we are better able to honor authority in other jurisdictional spheres; and ultimately, we are better able to honor the Lord. The Westminster Larger Catechism demonstrates the extension of this principle:

Who are meant by father and mother in the fifth commandment?

By father and mother, in the fifth commandment, are meant, not only natural parents, (Prov. 23:22,25, Eph. 6:1–2) but all superiors in age (1 Tim. 5:1–2) and gifts; (Gen. 4:20–22, Gen. 45:8) and especially such as, by God’ s ordinance, are over us in place of authority, whether in family, (2 Kings 5:13) church, (2 Kings 2:12, 2 Kings 13:14, Gal. 4:19) or commonwealth. (Isa. 49:23)

Submission in Marriage

The Bible is clear. God has established a polity—a government in the home. By God’s decree, the husband is to be the head of the wife, and by default, the ruling authority in the home (i.e., Genesis 2:18-25, 3:16; 1 Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:23, 6:1; Colossians 3:20). It is clear that this polity was established during the time of Creation, before any secular culture had been formed. The polity of the home is by God’s appointment—by His decree and for His glory.

Within the home, the Lord instructs wives to submit to their own husbands (Ephesians 5:22-24, Colossians 3:18). It is interesting to note, the Word does not direct a woman to submit to men in general, only to her own husband (who happens to be commanded to sacrificially love her). This is important because within the Christian faith women are rightful heirs with their husbands of the grace of life (1 Peter 3:7). Indeed, before the throne of God, men and women stand as equals, rejoicing side by side in the finished work of the Savior (Galatians 3:28). Individually, men and women are heirs according to the promise.

And yet, within the home, wives are called to submit to their husbands. Nowhere does the Bible call on husbands to force their wives to submit to them. The instruction comes from the Lord directly to wives. There is no more a command for men to make their wives submit than there is a command for women to force their husbands to love them!

Submission begins when a Christian wife recognizes Christ’s love for her and responds with a willingness to obey Him in all things. Then, even though it may go against the norms of society and the desires of the flesh, He calls her to submit to her own husband’s leadership in the Lord. And, in submitting to her husband, she submits to the Word of God.

Husbands are also charged in Scripture—they are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25-30), sacrificing, serving, defending, nurturing, leading. Husbands are called to live with their wives in a gentle and understanding way, recognizing their inherent differences (1 Peter 3:7).

Men are called to remember that a wife is a great treasure (Genesis 2:18; Proverbs 18:22, 19:14, 31:10) to be appreciated and cherished. She is given by God; so, together, they might become one flesh (Genesis 2:24), moving forward in unity to fulfill the mission God has given them.

In a God-honoring marriage, biblical submission is a beautiful expression of Christ and His Bride. Remember, a Christian wife is a daughter of the King, and a slave to no man. Her service to her husband is a reflection of her willing service to her Lord and King, Jesus.

If a woman forced her husband to love her, we would easily recognize the fact that she was not truly loved at all. Whether or not this husband claimed love with his mouth, we would all know that it was bondage that forced his words. Love can only exist in freedom. He must choose to obey God and sacrificially love his wife, whether or not she is lovable; and in so doing, he makes it easier for her to obey God.

The same is true with biblical submission. If a man forces his wife to submit to him, he has created a slave. But when a wife, by God’s grace, and out of obedience to her Lord and King, willingly submits to a fallible husband, she is a servant—a servant of the Lord and a blessing to her husband. She has yielded her will to the will of her Father for a heavenly purpose. And in so doing, she has made it easier for her husband to love and lead her.

A Christian wife’s submission in marriage is thus not one of mechanical compliance to a husband’s every whim or desire. If a wife is to truly help and complete her husband, she will often need to provide input on important decisions, and even respectfully challenge a husband’s conclusions at times. However, as long as the husband’s requests are not sinful or unreasonable, a wife should respectfully follow her husband’s lead, even when she is unsure whether or not a decision he has ultimately made is the wisest choice.

Sinning Husbands

But how far does submission go? Sometimes “helping” a husband means confronting him. The Lord often uses those closest to us to help us deal with the sin in our hearts. Biblical submission does not mean that a wife cannot seek help from her elders or other God-ordained authorities regarding a husband’s sin. Christian husbands are sinners, even if they are sanctified sinners.

But this begs the question: What if a submissive Christian wife confronts a husband with his sin, and he doesn’t listen? Or even worse, what if a husband asks his wife to sin? Or what if he sins against his wife or children through cruelty or neglect? Does a Christian wife have any recourse in such a situation? Or should see quietly suffer along with her children while her husband increasingly grows out of control?

In an effort to create their own self-serving domestic kingdoms, there are men who have used the Holy Scriptures for personal gain—they have used verses on submission (given to wives) to justify their warped version of domestic tyranny. Some erring church leaders and teachers have instructed women to obey their husbands even to the point of sin (the assumption being made that God will intervene at the last minute). Horror stories of forced abortion, adultery, perversion, pornography, and incest have all been cloaked under the excuse of “submission.”

In some cases, true abuse has been shamefully overlooked and excused by those who should be protectors and guardians of the sheep. One desperate wife and mother appealed to her elders, only to be sent home, chastised for dishonoring her husband, and blamed for not being submissive enough.

This is why rightly dividing the Word of Truth is crucial. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Jesus would never ask His Bride to sin. Can you even fathom Jesus physically or verbally assaulting His Wife?

Wives are called to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. How do we submit to the Lord? Willingly, selflessly, and cheerfully. Wives are to submit to their husbands in all the same ways she would submit to the Lord. And the Lord would never ask His Bride to sin.

Accountability

There are times when a Christian wife must disobey her husband. She is not called to submit to him in areas where he is walking in unrepentant sin. In times like this, a Christian woman can and should avail herself of the other spheres of jurisdiction that God has established—that of the church, extended family, or, when necessary, the state. God uses these means to restrain evil.

There are indeed biblical precedents for the practice of going to a different jurisdiction when faced with a sinful situation. Abigail, when married to Nabal, went to David and interceded for her foolish husband (1 Samuel 25). In essence, Abigail went beyond her immediate authority to correct a dangerous situation that her husband had brought about. By her actions, she saved her people from death. In Daniel chapter 6, Daniel disobeys the proclamation of King Darius concerning prayer to God. In Acts 5:29, Peter gives that courageous proclamation, “We ought to obey God rather than men.”

And so, there are times when a wife not only can, but must seek help from a higher God-given jurisdiction. These jurisdictions—of home, church, and state—do not stand as isolated islands; they are interconnected powers that work together for the glory of God and the expansion of His Kingdom.

But what should we say of the husband who is not under church authority; who perhaps refuses to attend a faithful church; who has isolated his family and set himself up as lone prophet, priest, and king for the family? What should a wife do in such a case? I believe a Christian wife must follow the Lord. If a husband keeps his family from assembling together for an extended time, and shows no sign of committing to a church, a wife may prayerfully and respectfully appeal to her husband, letting him know that she must find a doctrinally sound church where she and their children can be accountable—and protected (Hebrews 13:17). She may also explain to him that by keeping her from the accountability of a church body, he is asking her to sin (Hebrews 10:25); and she must obey God rather than man (Acts 5:29).

When aligned with the principles of God’s Word, the Christian family, comprised of husband, wife, and children, is a beautiful expression of godly order, sacrifice, love, and Gospel expansion. Therefore, we have an obligation to live within the bounds of biblical authority; otherwise we have lawlessness, chaos, and tyranny.

Our call as Christians is to obey the commands of the Lord, even when they are not considered culturally relevant. This includes biblical submission to authority; and, regardless of station, we are all under authority—authority which exists for God’s glory. The Fifth Commandment was given along with a promise, “Honor your father and your mother that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12) As we train our children, we must instill in them an understanding of the consequences and magnitude of this important mandate from God.

As Christians, we all desire that our children know the peace of God, and the God of peace. But do we fully understand that this blessing often comes as children see the God of peace manifested in the actions of parents? It is much more than what we say—it is far more in what we do. (Phil 4:9)



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28 Responses to “Should “She, Obey Him?””

  1. Mrs. C says:

    Very VERY well written and explained. Thank you so much for writing this, as i have been wondering for a long time about that (my husband, thank the Lord, is leading our family in Christ, but I was still curious). Thank you so much!

  2. Sandra King says:

    I must say that this is THE best thing I ever read from a man’s perspective on submission! Very well written. You should have seen me saying “Yes and Amen” while reading it. I almost did my Texas Two-Step dance, but I had a brownie in my hand!
    Thanks for sharing :)

  3. Jennifer says:

    Thank you especially for addressing what happens when a husband isolates his family and abuses them in a more subtle way!

  4. Lisa Winton says:

    Thoroughly biblical and well-explained. The way we have always believed submission should be played out in the lives of Christian marriages. Thank you for posting this, friends!!

  5. Rosemi says:

    Ok, So my husband always asks me to pick movies out for us. I pick out movies that I believe are garbage. I do this to submit. I try to be sneaky and just watch 5 minutes and try to fall asleep. I’ll have to re-read this again. I know my husband has expressed annoyance and says I’m being “legalistic”. That’s so hard. He says I should be happy he wants to be beside me watching a movie. He’s right. Sometimes, depending on how bad the movie, I’d rather he be in the other room watching it while I stay in bed praying for him. Other times I feel I just need to be with him and I quietly pray during the movie. What do you think about what I do?

  6. Thank you for your post. I really enjoy reading your blog.

  7. Carmon says:

    This is excellent, Stacy. Families need the church and the church needs families. No authority is limitless or without accountability, in any government, be it state, church, or home. I hope this will help clear up misunderstandings for some about what submission means. Thank you!

  8. Sal says:

    Please thank your husband for addressing those scary “what if’s?” that keep so many women from this concept. This is one of the best explanations I’ve ever read and I hope it gets widespread notice.
    Thanks, Stacy!

  9. MInTheGap says:

    Rosemi, I think Stacey addressed this in her post on the sections about a sinning husband and accountability. If you truly believe he is sinning with his movie choices, after you’ve exhorted him and prayed for him, perhaps it’s time to discuss this with your pastor or someone in spiritual leadership.

    The point is not to “try to rule over him,” but to check your spirit to make sure of your motives to his benefit.

    In reality, Christians today don’t do enough to exhort one another to good works– especially in Western Cultures where we don’t feel like we should be ones to judge another.

  10. loved reading this, this morning. Thank you!

  11. Rosemi says:

    Thank you for clarifying. I always tread lightly because of 1 Tim 2:12. And I know that my husband’s mother that happens to live with us because I take care of her is and was a spiritual bully. She is more subtle now in her bullying but I believe this is why I tread ever so lightly and choose to pray. But I will now consider how I can carefully talk to him. I just felt that showing him scripture is parallel to ‘teaching’ a man and also seemed contrary to 1Pet3:1. I am reading it again now and it says “if any obey not” so I guess that means I can show him scripture. I appreciate this post.

  12. Mrs. Q says:

    I so much appreciate this explanation, Mr. McDonald. I think there are some dangerous teachings on “obeying your husband no matter what” out there…to obey even unto sin. When people say we should just obey our husbands no matter what (meaning even if they ask us to do something sinful), I just can’t help but think of Ananias & Sapphira. From this I see that God does hold us accountable for our own actions.

    God’s blessings to you and your family,
    Mrs. Q

  13. Burris says:

    I appreciate this article in that it answers a few of the questions we, your critics, have. But there is still more I’d like to know. I’m genuinely, earnestly curious:

    1) How do you define ‘abuse’?
    2) If this has happened before in your church, how are the allegations investigated?
    3) How are abusers held accountable?
    4) How are the wronged parties protected within the church body?
    5) Have these methods shown a pattern of success?

    These are important questions, and I’ve been disheartened in the past to hear some Reformed leaders try to answer them.

    ‘What about abuse?’ isn’t merely a hypothetical question or ancillary issue trotted out to undermine the Biblical family, as some may accuse; this is a serious problem that cuts right to the heart of family life and church discipline.

  14. Hi Burris,

    I suppose I should answer this, since I wrote the article. Let me start off by saying that our denomination (CPC) adheres to the PCA’s Book of Discipline, so you can go there to see the procedures we follow when looking into allegations of wrongdoing.

    As for defining abuse, abuse is the result of not loving our neighbor as ourselves. Webster defined it this way:

    Abuse: To use ill; to maltreat; to misuse; to use with bad motives or to wrong purposes. To deceive; to impose on. To treat rudely
    Abused: Ill-used; used to a bad purpose; treated with rude language; misemployed; perverted to bad or wrong ends; deceived; defiled; violated.
    Abuser: One who abuses, in speech or behavior; one that deceives; a ravisher; a sodomite.

    Abuse can take many forms: emotional, spiritual, physical, sexual – the list goes on. Abuse also varies in intensity. We all live with “abuse” to varying degrees because we live in a fallen world and fail one another regularly. Only the power of Jesus can free us from its stain.

    How people are held accountable and protected is dependent on individual cases – there is no “one size fits all”. I am sure you can understand that.

    You asked, “Are these methods successful?” First, this is not a “method,” as biblical confrontation is clearly spelled out in the Bible. Success is up to God. All one can do is be faithful to Him and His Word, confronting sin and protecting the weak.

    All that being said, if someone feels they are in physical danger, I would urge them to call the proper authorities immediately.

    Grace and peace,

    James McDonald

  15. Dana Renda says:

    This was a very well thought article. I enjoyed reading it. However, my question is: What does a wife do if her husband has lost his faith? I mean, he goes to church, he loves his family & works hard, but stopped praying and believing in the Power of the Lord? What does a wife do? Can she still go the heaven? Does her work help him in some way? I miss our prayer time together.. He loves to talk and be together, just not in Christ.

    Thank you

  16. Stacy McDonald says:

    Hi Dana –

    Thanks for writing. It must be so difficult to watch a husband who seems to have turned his back on God – especially if you have sweet memories of praying together and such. I am concerned by your question, “Can she still go to Heaven?” What did you mean? Surely you know that your salvation is found only in the finished work of Christ on the cross and not in anything your husband does or doesn’t do!

    Have you confessed Christ with your mouth and believed in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead? If so, if you have trusted in Christ, that He died for your sin, and you are now living for Him, then what your husband does is irrelevant to your salvation.

    “That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. For “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.”” (Romans 10:9-13, NKJV)

    “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.” (Romans 5:1-11, NKJV)

  17. dana renda says:

    Stacy. I appreciate the explanation. You see I was raised Roman Catholic so I’m still learning about true Christian faith. We were raised to believe different things. I’m still trying to figure it all out. I truly accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I believe out Heavenly Father rose him from the dead. I live to serve our Lord and not man. Iam grateful for your words of reassurance. Blessings

  18. Stacy McDonald says:

    Please know I am here, Dana. I was raised Roman Catholic as well. So, I know a bit of what you are experiencing.

  19. Dana Renda says:

    Really? I didn’t know that. Thank you. I have some much I’m still learning. It’s been a wonderful journey thus far.

  20. Burris says:

    Thank you for your congenial reply, Mr. McDonald. I’m still a bit confused, however, and would ask for some clarification.

    I looked through the PCA Book of Discipline – or at least what I assume to be the document you mentioned – and I’m having difficulty following. You, as a pastor, have a lot more experience with this document than I do, so please, if possible, give me a break-down:

    If a regular member comes to you and accuses her spouse of unambiguous physical assault– e.g., hitting, punching, choking, unlawful confinement, or other actions of that sort against her – then what might happen next?

    During the course of a church investigation, what services might you offer the accused and the accuser (e.g., housing, child-care, counseling, appropriate representation in an ecclesiastical court for both parties)?

    Thank you again for your time.

  21. Hi again Burris,

    I hope you understand there is no way I can give you definitive statements on what we, as a church, would do given a hypothetical case.

    I will say that one of the signs of a a true church is defending the weak and the hurting – we take this responsibility seriously. “Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.” (James 1:27)

    We believe that the jurisdictions of home, church, and the civil magistrate are overlapping rather than independent, thus, depending on the issue at hand, all options you have laid out, and more, are available to us for consideration as we seek to address wrongs.

    Grace and peace,

    James McDonald

  22. Kara says:

    i just came upon this site today and have had so many questions. i love my husband with all my heart, i so badly want our relationship to be pleasing in God’s eyes. there are areas that we struggle in and sometimes i dont know what i am supposed to do biblically. i already know i have a harsh tongue sometimes and trust me, i plan on and am currently pushing into Christ to get myself straightened out. but i have a question on what would be considered ‘my place’ or ‘not being submissive’. i am only sharing this because i know there is no way of anyone knowing who i am so i am only talking about this in such a way as to recieve correction or guidance and help my marriage. my husband has certain sexual sin that he is trying to deal with. to be more specific he wants me to smoke. i dont understand it or why anyone would want that but i do know that this sinful world is attacking men in everyway they can. i know smoking is wrong and i simply do not want to do it. he has used the submission card on me many times to the point where i actually felt guilty like maybe i am sinning if i dont do it but God’s voice always clears up my confusion and lets me know that smoking is a sin and i should not have to do it. so i guess my question is…. am i stepping out of my submissive role by monitoring his computer usage (he has a history of looking at it online) and monitoring what movies and tv shows are viewed in our home (alot of stuff out there has women smoking). i know its his weakness and that its something he lusts over so is it fair for me to have guidelines to what we watch and what he watches or am i being ‘controlling’? i would appreciate biblical guidance! i pray God changes his heart and he seeks the Lord for deliverance but until then i still want our marriage to stay pure and our home to be clean of any sexual perversions. how can do this in a submissive godly way?

  23. […] Please read Should She Obey Him? […]

  24. Michelle says:

    Very well-written and balanced!

  25. A HUMBLE SERVANT says:

    What if you have gone to your Godly elders and they have not helped? Then what? My children are pretty disillusioned right now. Thanks.

  26. Marie says:

    I believe it all boils down to this, husband put your wife first and wife put your husband first. Unfortunately, many teach only that the wife is to put the husband first. Many men are taught to view their wife as their personal servant and fulfill-er of their needs and desires with no regard to the fact that their wife is a human being with feelings, desires and needs of her own. If she ever mentions that she has interest and needs besides waiting on her husband she it told that she is selfish and self serving.

    However, it is okay for a husband to be that way. I have been a Christian for more than 38 years and have attended church services 2 to 3 times per week over the course of that time. I have never heard a lesson that dealt with the fact that a husband is commanded to love his wife like Christ loved the Church(his bride) and gave up everything for her including his life. So sad that this is never taught.

    Basically they teach the men to buy their wives chocolate and give her flowers. Oh yeah love her (emotion). Generally takes 5 minutes or less for them to detail a husbands responsibility. They spend the remaining 40 minutes barking at the wife at submitting and obeying her husband. So irresponsible to state that with no details or limitation/instructions put in place.

    Have you ever talked to some of the teenage boys to see what they glean from the lessons. My husband taught a class one time that touched briefly on this. He was appalled when he asked the boys what all this meant. The boys snickered and laughed and made jokes about wives having to make sandwiches for their husbands. Laughing about the fact that they have to do what we say. So sad………… this is what our sons think it comes down to. Why do they think this? Because the teaching and instructions for husband is so lacking.

    There will be many men standing before the Lord someday giving an account for their selfish, demeaning, and chauvinistic behavior towards their wives. Feminist movement came about as a coping mechanism to a very real problem. Yes, it has gone too far as most movements that come about as the result of tyranny do. However, God often lets evil take over to teach us a lesson. Until more men get it right I don’t see an end to the feminist movement.

    In Titus wives were told to behave in such a way as to not cause the word of God to be blasphemed. Today, we need to remember that mistreatment of wives does indeed cause the word of God to be blasphemed. I have heard women say I would never marry a Christian man. Stating that they would rather be with someone who treats them like they matter. When a woman believes that her life would be better married to a non-believer we know we are not getting it right.

    I have a very good husband who has managed to understand in spite of a lot of erroneous teaching that being the leader of a family is not about getting your own way or having every one serve you. He understands that he is to look to Christ for his example and Christ clearly stated that he came not to be served but to serve. He understands that he is not the boss but rather that God is. I am very sensitive to this subject not because of my husband but because of the men I grew up around.

    My dad was a Christian and I did love him but he was a very selfish man who used his position in the home to serve himself. As a result my mom was not very pleasant to be around either because she was always resentful and angry. Both of my grandpa’s were also selfish men. One of them was even a gospel preacher. My grandma was fond of saying it is a man’s world and they don’t let you forget it. My other grandma’s dad use to beat the members of his family as as a result many of his kids wouldn’t even go see him when he was dying. My husbands grandpa(also a christian) use to beat his grandma. My mother in law felt that when he died at an early age leaving his wife with many children to provide for that it was an answer to a prayer. An answer because the beatings ended.

    I grew up going to a church where the men didn’t keep their hands to themselves. I use to rush out the door as soon as amen was uttered to get in the car and avoid being manhandled. I hated it. Yes, I have a lot of bitterness towards men and the abuses they engage in while claiming headship. I could go on to detail the neighbor lady that use to hide in our house because of the beatings her husband use to administer. I try hard not to be bitter and resentful towards men but I could fill pages with the abuses I’ve witnessed and I am sick and tired of it not being addressed.

    You don’t have to go to an Islamic country to find it. This type of male oppression is alive and well in the good ole USA and many of them call themselves Christians. How very sad. I don’t expect my comments to be posted as they are controversial but I do think this is a very serious issue and church leaders need to wake up and do a better job on this. The alternative is to watch the feminist movement gain more and more momentum. It we were really mirroring the relationship of Christ and his bride(church) a lot of this problem would go away. Not all but much. Why would wives who were truly loved as Christ loved the church not want to submit to that treatment?

  27. Stacy McDonald says:

    I have been a Christian for more than 38 years and have attended church services 2 to 3 times per week over the course of that time. I have never heard a lesson that dealt with the fact that a husband is commanded to love his wife like Christ loved the Church(his bride) and gave up everything for her including his life. So sad that this is never taught.

    Wow! I”m sorry you’ve had such a bad experience in your churches. I guess I just haven’t seen that. I have heard balanced preaching and teaching in this area in every church I’ve attended since becoming a Christian 26 years ago. I’m truly sorry for what you’ve been through. I pray you find a church that teaches the whole Word of God.

  28. Marie says:

    Just endured another horrible brow beating wife lesson. Our preacher spent approximately 30 minutes going on and on about wives submitting and obeying and then spent 2 to 3 minutes telling husbands they need to be considerate. You know buy them flowers. That is how they sum up loving your wife like christ did the church. I don’t think I can take it anymore. I am tired of feeling like worthless garbage. I told my husband this evening that I may leave the church and that atheism sounds more appealing all the time. At least I wouldn’t be made to feel like a 2nd rate person. I hate being a woman. I have stopped praying or I would say that I pray my children never have daughters.

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