September 24, 2010 by Stacy McDonald
Fashion Slave?
Recently, I read a helpful article that was basically a do’s and don’ts fashion list for Christian young men. Let me begin by saying I agreed with the general sentiment: Christians—even Christian men—shouldn’t dress in obnoxiously outdated styles that communicate “nerdiness. When possible, I agree that as Christians we should present ourselves in a way that is winsome and attractive. But, as a parent, I found the “fashion list” a little irritating. And it’s not simply because I disagreed with some of the author’s opinions of which styles are offensive.
One thing the list reminded me of is how fickle the fashion industry is – and how it’s not so much about dressing well as it is about making money. If someone can convince us that braided belts are “the thing” to wear one year, and the next year it’s the worst faux pas since rainbow colored suspenders, then that “someone” is in control of our pocket books…or should I say handbags…purses…see how difficult it is to stay “with it?”
Think about it: Dad spends his hard earned money buying Junior a nice pair of white tennis shoes. Junior wears them to church or to school, only to have a kid he looks up to tell him that white tennis shoes are hopelessly “uncool.”
One of two things is likely to happen. Either a perfectly good pair of tennis shoes now sits in the closet, unworn, and Dad’s money is wasted on a new pair, or, Junior (who may be at a particularly insecure age) is made to feel like an outcast among his peers. And Junior now resents his hard-working father who made him wear the tennis shoes regardless of what his friends thought. And yes, I know I’m slow, but I “just found out” that white tennis shoes aren’t allowed anymore. What’s up with that, anyway? Is white suddenly uncool?
As homeschooling parents, many of us attended public school and encountered this type of social manipulation…often. We’re able to look back and see how ridiculous it is. Think gold stretch belts, straight-legged jeans—and yes, rainbow colored suspenders (thanks Mork and Mindy). We weren’t slaves to fashion; we were slaves to whatever the current trend or fad was. Different styles, yes; but, the same mind/emotion control.
Just now, my husband walked by in his Birkenstocks. He was heading out to the deck to work on his sermon. As he passed me, I shrieked in horror, “You’re wearing socks with your sandals!”
He shrugged, “It’s chilly out here on the deck. Why can’t I wear socks?”
Well he can. That’s my point. But, how would you answer his question?
You see, we’ve lived long enough to realize we don’t have to impress “them.” Whoever they are. By the time I was in high school, I would never have been caught dead in “flared” jeans or a tie died t-shirt—so much for hand-me-downs. And the fact that thousands of dollars in clothes that “could/should have” been handed down to younger siblings, cousins, and friends are now in the “untouchable” bin is another issue.
One of the distinctives of Christianity is liberty; so, if we’re free, why do we surrender any portion of our personal freedom and decision making to the world—to God haters? Even if it’s just an issue of fashion? Why not be the trend setters instead of following “them.” Why not choose classic styles that are going to last and look nice without needing to be replaced in two years because they’re suddenly “out of style.” Why give authority to the fashion police by asking their opinion?
Think about it. Many teens come to their “convictions” about what is cool by watching and mimicking television commercials, movies, and by obeying the subtle commands of perverted marketing gurus. And have you considered the morals of those who are heading up the fashion industry today? Yikes! Not exactly who I want my children emulating!
For the record, I happen to like braided belts on men. I know…I’m uncool like that. For growing boys, they’re great—they fit multiple, expanding sizes. It doesn’t surprise me that they may be considered uncool—since they don’t need replacing as often ($$$). So please don’t tell my kids they’re uncool—I can’t afford it.
Here’s an idea. Simply choose classic styles that you actually like all on your own — not styles that are simply novel, or that you’re drawn to because you saw them on the latest Hollywood starlet or music idol.
Don’t base your taste in clothing on what your friends say is cool. Obviously, stay within the bounds of reason and modesty; but, learn to evaluate a style because of how it complements your coloring, your figure, or your personality. Who cares what “everyone else” is wearing? Really. Learn to dress in a way that truly communicates the confident spirit God is growing within you. Don’t be controlled by fashion. Instead, take fashion by the head, and be the leader God created you to be!
CLARIFIER: To be clear, while I had a problem with her fashion list, there are many things Christa Taylor has written that I appreciate and promote. Christa Taylor has a heart for bringing sanity and modesty back into the fashion industry. And I, for one, appreciate that effort!
“Being home-educated has instilled within me a desire to be a culture changer.” – Christa Taylor
Amen!
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29 Responses to “Fashion Slave?”
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Thank you so much for this. I agree with every single thing you’ve said here. I saw that same article yesterday linked from someone on FB and was just saddened to think that we, as homeschool families, now have to think about our kids being encouraged by their online homeschool peers to rise to some arbitrary standard dictated by self-appointed fashion experts and/or trendsetters.
Some of supposed fashion “don’ts” in the article really surprised me. If it was an article about eschewing offensive t-shirts or wearing styles that are not befitting a Christian young man, that would be one thing, but picking on pleated khakis? Braided belts? Really?
I pray that as homeschooling grows, homeschooling fashion snobbery won’t grow along with it.
My daughter and I often talk about how the only fashion rule is that what you’re wearing doesn’t distract from your testimony. Wearing clothes that are classic is a good general rule – but none of those things metioned could be considered classic.
And yes, I do think being overly out of step with even what’s classic and not a by gone trend (jean shorts, camo, etc) can distract from what we could otherwise do to promote the gospel.
I thought it was a simple little pointer for young adults who are just unaware….I loved it and hope she does one for young ladies – as a homeschooling Mom I’m often at a loss as to where to find the balance.
I have often thought similar things. I refuse to be governed by what the so called fashion experts say. I like a more “classic” look, not the “modern look”. Yes, it is out of date in some ways, but I refuse to wear skinny leg jeans, thin scoop neck t-shirts or baby doll shirts that look like I am pregnant all the time.
Mrs McDonald,
First, thank you for your writings. I find them very helpful in trying to raise Godly children in an ungodly world.
As to these fashion rules that you link to, all they do is just reflect the transitoriness of fashion. I wonder how many of these will be ‘old’ as soon as a year from now?
I had a particular chuckle about the ‘no socks with sandals’ rule. Here in Seattle it’s almost a fashion statement itself to wear socks with your sandals. So, am I being a better witness wearing socks with my sandals or not? :-)
Keep up the good work. (I’m about to give my eldest a copy of your ‘questions for potential suitors’ since he’s about to become one.)
Thank you, Stacy, for once again saying what I’m feeling… but so much more graciously than I might.
As a mom with many sons, I also see the benefit of being able to pass clothing along to the next in line. I look at some of my very tall/very thin sons and think how much better they look in pleated pants. Braided belts? My sons (and husband) love them!
If I looked at the mentioned article as humor, it might have been okay. I’m just not sure it was meant that way.
I’m also bothered that the places I saw it reposted were on the blogs/pages of young women. Do they really agree with the article? Or did they see it as humorous? It makes me sad to think that godly young women might really use such an article as a measuring stick for our young men.
Whatever the thoughts and motives of the article’s author, or those who chose to share it, we’ll continue to parent our children in the way we believe pleases the Lord. Modesty, discernment, respect, common sense … all will play a part in what we choose in the realm of clothing for our family.
Thank you again for voicing my heart.
My husband breaks … like… all…. these rules. -.-
Great article, Stacy!
To be clear, while I had a problem with her fashion list, there are many things Christa Taylor has written that I appreciate and promote. Christa Taylor has a heart for bringing sanity and modesty back into the fashion industry. And I, for one, appreciate that effort!
“Being home-educated has instilled within me a desire to be a culture changer.” – Christa Taylor
Amen!
The older I get the more I realize how important it is to stick with classic clothing. It has helped tremendously between having babies and such. I have a 4 mod and was just recently able to pull out all my older “skinny” clothes. It was like brand new clothing.
This is timely for me because I am taking one daughter to her first sewing class tonight (she’s 8) while I take my 11 yod to the mall for mother/daughter time (well, and little sister time as we’ll have the 2 little girls tonight as well.) She wants to go to the all the “girly” stores. I am planning to use this time to discuss modesty and fashion. We’ve always been a family that focuses on modesty and classic clothing. Unfortunately, because of life circumstances I have had put my 11 yod in a university school for two of her homeschool subjects twice a week. Although they wear uniforms at the school, I have found her thrust head long into what is cool and what isn’t. My husband and I are very careful to talk our children through trends and such. These silly little arm rubber bands that children are wasting their money on has been the biggest topic of discussion recently. While I think a few is harmless dad is insistent that he doesn’t want them in the house. I am following his lead in this and finding great opportunities to discuss whether we are conforming to the world or to Christ’s standards (obeying our parents.) I am hopeful and prayful that tonight will produce some great conversation with my oldest daughter on why we wear clothing and why the fashion industry should be the measure we follow. (I am also hopeful that my 8 yod will learn to love sewing and continue in her passion for wearing feminine skirts. hehehe!! That is why she wanted to learn to sew. She loves dressing in feminine dresses and skirts.)
Thank you for sharing.
“Classic” does eventually change, but not so quickly as trendy. There are things my grandmother had in her closet that I would have no problem wearing today.
And since when are blue jeans shorts a “by gone” trend? They are sold in just about every department store I can think of and they have been since I was a kid. Camo pants are usually something boys like to wear – and moms like them because they don’t show stains. I agree, once boys get to a certain age camo is probably only good for paint ball etc.
My point was to remind us all that we don’t *have* to obey fashion rules that are constantly changing. And I think her list did do that to some extent.
Why should pleated pants be banned? Some men look BETTER in pleated pants. What if you look better in round rimmed or no-rimmed glasses. Should you be made to feel less attractive because you don’t wear square or rectangular glasses? This seems insane to me.
I used to be a cosmetologist, years ago. We paid attention to colors, body shapes etc. when recommending what looked good on different people. We should walk in that freedom, rather than being limited to what’s “in?”
Again, I like and appreciate Christa. This wasn’t meant to insult her in any way.
Excellent article!! And for the record…. I wear Birkenstocks almost exclusively and in the winter, I wear them with socks. :D I’ve worn them like that for the past 23 years and still love my Birks. : )
Blessings to you and your family!
I think I am going to post a copy of your article on our community mailbox. Every morning and afternoon groups of public school students swagger past our home in various “hip” outfits. (Many of which I’m sure are “adjusted” after leaving the house and just prior to arriving home. Glad summer is almost over and we won’t be subjected to our teen neighbor who insists on mowing his lawn shirtless with shorts that barely hang on his hips. Praying as well for a day when I can walk with my children and they won’t have to see what underclothing everybody else is wearing.
I have to agree with you Stacy.
- Tucked in shirts: looks neat and tidy, shirts pulled out looks like you aren’t quite sure how to dress yourself! When I was teaching I used to make my girls tuck in their tops when they were in sports uniform. They thought I was making them look terribly uncool (in the Junior School playground!).
The problem (if you live in an area similar to ours) is that if you are male and dress well you will be called a metro (which grates on me!)
Thank you! Great post. I also love the website you were referring to….but that list got on my nerves a little bit as well. I love clothes…..I also love for my husband to look nice. But….as I grow older I become more practical. I don’t care about living in the world of Vogue. There are more important issues for young men to worry about than what clothes they are wearing!
While her intentions were good, I have to say the list is more her personal opinion on young men’s fashion rather than modesty and being a witness/example in how you dress. A Christian young man could come up with a similar list telling girls not to wear Jane Austen style dresses, or denim/khaki skirts, prairie dresses or polo shirts.
Don’t tuck in your t-shirt or flannel shirt when wearing jeans? What!? I can’t stand when guys don’t tuck in their shirts and I’m a 20-something!
Maybe it’s because I live in the country, but wearing a leatherman on your belt is just fine. I’d be even happier if all the decent guys were packing heat!
I would like to see Christians “dress up” for Jesus(wear the best they have) and not follow Rick Warren’s “dress down” for Jesus attitude when dressing for church.
Other than that I think all chrisdtians should dress modestly at all times.
I’ve been following and enjoying your blog for a while now and would like to invite you to visit and perhaps follow me back. Sorry I took so long for the invitation.
I’m curious to know how far you go with the thought of “wear what you like”? For example, my daughter is not immodest by any means but likes to mix things that, in my opinion, look like a clown costume. She surely has her own style! The other day she wore a flowered shirt, blue jumper, striped leggings, rainbow high-top tennis shoes, and a stretchy sequined headband. I used to be very concerned with her attire, monitoring it very closely fearing what people would think. Most of the time she ended up feeling defeated. I’ve decided to set that one down and let her be herself, being a slave to neither the fashion industry’s idea of what’s in style nor mine.
http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/
I thought this was interesting- it shows what boys/men have voted as “distracting” or “causing a difficulty” in women’s clothing. It gives ideas on what to avoid. *shrug*
Wow I read the article and I did not get the impression that Christa was suggesting that men keep up with the latest fashion at all. I understood her to say that men should keep current. There is a big difference between being a slave to fashion by( keeping up with what is in this season) and simply being current (keeping up with what is in this decade).
When I read Christa’s post she was describing classic styles that are simply current for the decade we are living in as opposed to outdated styles for the 18980′s. I don’t think it is at all fair to suggest that she was expecting men or parents to go out and buy the latest thing.
To many homeschoolers walk around wearing clothing styles that were popular in 1985! This leads to stereotyping and truly is distracting. If homeschoolers would like to have a positive impact on those around them it would be wise to wear clothing that does not make them look clownish.
I have been homeschooling for ten years now, my family and I are committed to dressing modestly. We are by no means slaves to fashion (we spend very little on clothing) but we do try to dress in clothing styles that are not more than ten years old. It only makes sense.
I would encourage you all to give Christa another look and make sure you are not adding to her post. It is very wrong to state that this woman was in any way even close to suggesting that homeschool men and boys keep up with the latest styles.
Hi Taunya,
I assure you (and even reclarified at the end of the post) that I was not meaning anything derogatory toward Christa. Neither was I saying that Christa thinks “homeschool men and boys should keep up with the latest styles. In fact, I am sure she doesn’t think this. That’s what bothered me most. Because this particular article communicated to me a different message – it said to me that:
- My son can’t wear a braided belt. If they’re so unbearably out of style why does every department store still sell them? “If you have a braided belt, your dog just found a new chew-toy.”
- Boys and men can’t wear socks with sandals. “If you don’t like your feet, don’t wear sandals.”
- Nobody can wear tennis shoes unless they’re playing sports. And you can’t wear white tennis shoes ever? Who came up with this rule? Weird. Never heard it. “You should not wear Tennis shoes unless you are playing sports. Even then, avoid white shoes like the plague.
- Only square or rectangular glasses are acceptable. When did round or oval glasses become a thing of the 80′s? I don’t think so. Some people look good in round glasses. Why should anyone toss a pair of $200.00 glasses because they’re not the right shape? I could see if they were Elton John style or something, but really. “What you should look for: square or rectangular frames. Rimmed frames are cool. I mean, what guy doesn’t want to look like Daniel Craig?”
Anyway, I won’t go on. There are plenty more examples. And my argument went beyond Christa’s article to a general problem with “followers” in general. The point is that we shouldn’t get so hung up on what other people think is cool or “in.” Like I said at the beginning of the article, “Let me begin by saying I agreed with the general sentiment: Christians—even Christian men—shouldn’t dress in obnoxiously outdated styles that communicate “nerdiness.” But this list went way beyond this.
If you go back and read through the comments I think you’ll see what I mean.
Thanks for responding to my comment Stacy. The quotes you used from Christa’s blog still don’t demonstrate to me that she was advocating for homeschool men/boys to be slaves to fashion. She was giving tips for men/boys who find themselves caught in a time warp to come out of it. She spoke of young men who were homeschooled and only taught one (outdated) way to dress and wanted to change but were unsure how.
It was clear that she was writing to offer help. Your first point about braided belts being sold in department stores and therefore not out of style does not hold water. Department stores also sell the old-fashioned mumu’s our grandmother’s used to wear in the morning and evenings, as well as selling crazy, immodest clothing that would be more appropriate for a lady of ill repute. I think most of us realize this and avoid both extremes when shopping.
As for the tennis shoes, not a rule just help for those who find themselves caught in another decade. People do not wear tennis shoes as often as they used to. Tennis shoes for a while in the eighties became and everyday wear shoe. This is not the case anymore so Christa was saying if you are one of those who is used to wearing tennis shoes regularly limit yourself. If you are not caught in another decade and tempted to wear tennis shoes regularly don’t worry about it.
The same with glasse,s no hard and fast rules, but times and styles have changed. Simply take a look around and think about an update.
I think Christa’s article was very helpful and very encouraging. As you stated she has a heart for the homeschool community and does us all a tremendous service by encouraging young homeschooled men and women to be the best they can be and that does include looking your best.
Taunya – maybe the problem, then, is that my family and I are hopelessly out of style! (Though I don’t think so) Still, I think I’ll stick with braided belts for my sons (at least until they stop growing so fast). I’ll enjoy my no-rimmed glasses (I think rimmed glasses make me look like a total geek!). And I won’t flinch when I see white tennis shoes outside of a sports arena. :-)
Again, I didn’t say that Christa “advocates” being a fashion slave. In fact, I think she advocates the opposite of that – that’s why I like her so much. ;-) I wrote what I did to show that I thought her article communicated the opposite of what she promotes.
I think you and I will probably have to disagree on what being “caught in another decade” means.
I’ve perused this blog a bit, and I am wondering something: What exactly are you passionate about as a housewife? I hoped for inspiration on being a housewife committed to the glory of God and the grace through Jesus. I’ve found a lot of rules and commentary on “dos” and “donts” for Christian women (that I’ve not found scriptural support for) and not a lot of inspiration for things that Jesus was passionate about: seeking and loving the lost, serving the poor, grace and life through his death and resurrection, etc. I am sold out, passionate, and loved by my Savior and this blog has brought a lot of condemnation for things that are not outlined in scripture. Let’s be passionate about the Gospel and not all of our rules.
Hi Sarah,
I’m sorry you don’t feel inspired or encouraged here. That’s too bad. Not sure what rules, or “dos and don’ts,” you’re referring to. You’ll have to be more specific if you’d like to correct me.
I am VERY glad you’re sold out, passionate, and loved by our Savior! We are too! Praise God!
By the way, welcome to my blog.
Sarah, a great answer for that, especially from Stacy’s own heart, is found in “Passionate Housewives” :) I don’t recall many “rules” there, just Scripture, and it’s empowering even for a single lady.
This is a great article, Stacy. I hadn’t read it before now, but it’s very well-said.
It seems to me that one can be a slave to ANY fashion. This includes the ‘fashion’ of dressing classically….
My opinion of dress is that as long as it is not hindering someone else [modesty] and possibly in certain situations not presenting an image we might not want to project, people should wear what they want to.
I have friends who wear everything from ‘classic homeschooler’ dresses and denim, to hipper-than-thou jeans, to ultra-fashionistas who won’t wear brown with black because the colors don’t go together [??].
I rarely feel out of place, and it is even more rare for me to feel pressured to wear something other than what I am wearing. The exception might be the Christian school where I attend classes [I have only good things to say about the tolerance at the public school where I also take classes].
It seems to me that judging someone by what they wear is a relic from the past, where [women in particular] were ostracized [at least according to popular fiction from the time...Jane Austen for instance] for not wearing ‘the proper clothes’. We’ve all been enraged when Elizabeth Bennet is disdained for showing up to visit her ill sister in mud-spattered clothing; I would hate to see the same sort of view taken for people who don’t dress the way we think they should.
Now let me say that non-believers are probably really good at judging people by what they wear: however, I think that many conservative Christians are just as good at paying too much attention to outward appearances. I don’t care if my friends insist on wearing only color-co-ordinated clothing: but I would be very upset if they demanded that I do the same. Nor do I mind that other of my friends only wear dresses: but I would be irked if they insisted that I dump my jeans and cargo pants in favor of ankle-length denim.
Maybe when I’ve been around for longer than 18 years I’ll start being more ‘fashion-conscious’ and will make my children wear things that I deem ‘classic’, but I can hope that won’t happen ;)
Amen, Bethany! Thanks for posting! One can be a slave to “classic” styles as well as any other style. In fact, I’d go further and say that eventually “classic” becomes meaningless because styles change drastically after enough times goes by. I agreed with what you said here too:
My point was that we should feel free to wear whatever we want as long as it does not dishonor the name of Christ or communicate a lack of love for others. We should have the confidence in Christ to express our love for God by what we wear, without feeling bound by someone else’s opinion (inside our outside the church).
When I used the word “classic” I was giving a suggestion not a command. ;-) If we choose styles that aren’t outrageous or super trendy we won’t risk them “going out of style” in a few months (so they’ll last longer), and they’ll also be more likely to be passed down to siblings.
Stacy, I think I understand and truly appreciate the spirit in which your post was written.
Two nights ago, my husband and I attended a meeting on the other side of town. I had spent all day at our homeschool co-op and didn’t have time to go home and change. To my chagrin, I was wearing a blouse and skirt with… (gasp) sneakers. (I’m on my feet all day at co-op and prefer not to kill them every week.)
The people at the meeting were definitely WAY above us in class. Although they treated us kindly enough, I felt tremendously out of place and embarrassed– at first. But that was just my pride screaming at me. And as I sat there surrounded by the elite, the Holy Spirit convicted me of what was important:
I agree that homeschoolers need to move away from the frumpy stereotype, it is a bad testimony; but making ourselves slaves to worldly fashion is vanity.
“Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” (Prov. 31:30)
I truly hope that the upper-class people we met that night got to see a glimpse of Christ in my husband and I, even though our clothing was quite out of place.