August 7, 2010 by Stacy McDonald

An Open Letter to Conservative Christian Guys

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“I have seen among the simple, I have perceived among the youths, a young man lacking sense…” (Proverbs 7:7, ESV)

I received the following email from a young lady who would like to remain anonymous. I recently gave a talk at a local ladies event on the topic of chastity. Afterward, my husband rightly pointed out that the young men need to “get it” too. I heartily agree. They also need to listen to their parents and consider Proverbs 7 and Proverbs 31 when looking for a wife.

We are praying that God would raise up an army of faithful, godly young men who are ready and deserving of the faithful young women who have diligently prepared for them. Grow up. Or you’ll live to regret it. Please pass this on to all the Christian young men you know.  – Stacy

An Open Letter to Conservative Christian Guys

From a Conservative Christian Young Woman
Struggling to Remain Modest, Pure, and Content

I know that every family has different standards. They have different convictions that the Lord has put upon their hearts, and different likes and dislikes, unique styles and tastes. Christian fathers differ on plenty of things too. Therefore, the way each father leads his family varies. But, sometimes things that are clearly against the teachings of the Bible, get veiled under the “our own standards” cloak.

I don’t have a problem with girls wearing pants. I don’t have a problem with girls wearing only skirts. I don’t have a problem with stylish clothes, jewelry, makeup, or fashion—I wear these things. What I do have a problem with is girls who purposefully flaunt themselves in front of young men, especially since one of them could very well be my future husband – and I have a huge problem with the guys who fall for them.

I don’t plan on compromising my standards. I’m certainly not saying, “If you don’t stop acting like a bunch of Gentiles (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5), I’m going to join you.” By God’s grace, I am committed to controlling my physical desires, rather than walking “in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God…” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)

So why do I dress and behave as I do? Why do I avoid defrauding you by flirting with you and tempting you to sin? Why don’t I enjoy your attention by lowering myself…by flaunting my body? God’s Word tells me that I was created for better things than this—and so were you. I have a husband out there somewhere who will appreciate my faithfulness.

“Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10)

“Women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing…” (1 Timothy 2:9-10)

“To be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.” (Titus 2:5)

“That our daughters may be as pillars, sculptured in palace style…” (Psalm 144:12)

I pray he’s being just as faithful.

I don’t want to be like the woman in Proverbs 7 who selfishly flatters and entices men. I want to cause only one man to desire me- and that is my future husband.

Maybe it’s just me, but I find it really discouraging when I see a girl in revealing clothes, and a flirtatious attitude walk into the room and my brothers in Christ, those “conservative, Christian (and yes, even homeschooled) young men flock to her side. They tease, flirt, and boost her ego (which encourages her to keep it up) by giving this girl every ounce of their attention.

“To keep you from the evil woman, From the flattering tongue of a seductress. Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, Nor let her allure you with her eyelids.” (Proverbs 6:24-25)

Meanwhile, girls like me who dress modestly sit in the background, wondering if it’s all worth it (by the way, I’m not talking denim sacks and tennis shoes – I dress attractively). I’ve been faithful to my family, I’ve worked hard to develop my homemaking skills, I’ve studied hard, I’ve remained pure, and I’ve prepared myself for motherhood.

Yet, sometimes I find myself tempted to wonder how I’ll ever get married if I don’t throw out a little “bait.” I don’t plan to do this, but I’m being frank about some of the struggles we Christian girls face.

I’ve read the Modesty Survey by the Harris boys and I’ve listened to young men beg young women to dress modestly. Well, I heard you, guys, and I loved you enough to comply. So, why can’t you take your eyes off the girl in the tight jeans? Get a grip.

What do you think these sorts of actions communicate to us? What does it say to Christian girls who are striving to honor the Lord? Girls who have been faithful at home, preparing for…well, for you? I’ll tell you. It shows us what you truly value: How a girl looks; how much of her body she flaunts; that you don’t value modesty; and that what we’ve been striving to do (help you guard your eyes) is totally unappreciated.

Recently, I found it very hurtful when someone at church made a comment to me about how “dorky” it was to wear only skirts. I replied, “I wear pants when the situation calls for it, but my father prefers me to wear skirts, so that is what you’ll usually see me in. I’m honoring my father, so why ridicule me? Why not encourage me?

I’m also wondering why so many of you are going outside of your own churches to pursue girls who are weak and worldly in their walk with the Lord—girls who, based on their current lifestyle choices, may not even want to homeschool your children.  I’ve heard some of you excuse your attachments to these girls—girls who reject all that your parents hold dear, by insisting you will “change her” or you will “teach her.”

I always thought this was something that only girls dealt with (wanting to “change” the “bad boy”) – but no! It’s happening to guys too! It’s happening all around me every day – Christian young men who seem to want a girl who is “cool” and who shows off her body.

But I have to ask you a question. Do you really believe that the girl who flirts and flaunts herself while she’s single, will suddenly become the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 if she marries you? I’m afraid too many men have learned the hard way that this isn’t how it works.

Just because a girl is a Christian doesn’t mean she will be faithful after marriage – perhaps she won’t be unfaithful physically, but what about emotionally? Don’t you see how dangerous this is? The fact that so many beautiful, faithful, Christian girls are being ignored and passed up is shameful—and for such fleshly reasons!

I’m weary of it. Stop loving what is “cool” and start loving what is “holy.” (1 Peter 1:13-16) If you’re having trouble discerning who would and who would not make a good wife, why don’t you ask your father for help? Listen to his council and don’t stop your ears to his words. “My son, pay attention to my wisdom; lend your ear to my understanding,” (Proverbs 5:1) “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10)

Please, young men, look past the flirty girls. Look for a young woman who will be faithful to you all the days of her life. Look for a young woman who will honor you, love and nurture your children, and make your house a haven—a woman who you can safely trust in.

“The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” (Proverbs 31:11-12)

Look at her heart. I know that’s so cliché, but it’s true. Look at who she is. Look at how she honors her father, how she treats her siblings, how she communicates with other young men, the way she carries herself.

Please, for the sake of the girls out there who are striving to honor the Lord—the girls who have worked hard to remain faithful, and who long to get married, don’t forget about us—for the sake of your family, your future, and your children; but, most of all, for the sake of your God.

Please pass this on to all the Christian young men you know. And, please, if you have a moment, write a note of encouragement to this faithful young lady, and to those like her.

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90 Responses to “An Open Letter to Conservative Christian Guys”

  1. MommaMindy says:

    Young sister, I think your letter is hitting the nail on the head, except for the beginning title, "An Open Letter to Conservative Christian Guys."

    They are NOT conservative if they act in the way that you are observing. Being raised in a conservative environment does NOT make you conservative, choices from the heart and from personal Biblical convictions make you conservative. It seems these guys wouldn't be so "conservative" if they weren't under their parents' thumbs. The behavior you report is showing the true colors of their heart, and you are BLESSED that they aren't giving you their attention.

    There are truly conservative young men out there wondering where the modest, non-flirting girls are. Be patient, because I truly don't think your husband is in that group of fawning young men.

    In the meantime, pray for these young people, be a gracious and kind encouragement. We are to support the weak and be patient towards all men. I Th. 5:14 May your singleness be used of the Lord to bring sinners to the Lord and saints to closer fellowship with Him. Blessings to you, sister!

  2. Sara says:

    Thank you for posting this. My daughter has been going through a tough time with this… Where she's watching her former friends start to dress as alluringly as they can get away with, and because she won't join in, she's been cast away from them. She's praying that God would draw them back to Himself, but in the meantime we'll be reading this, so she knows that it's not just our family. There are other women out there that are concerned with keeping themselves, and their brothers in Christ, pure.
    Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  3. Melanie says:

    This was amazing! Thank you for sharing…I thimk many other girls (besides this anonymous young lady) can speak this same letter from their hearts also. I know I can!
    Again, thank you.

  4. Becky says:

    Thank you for this; my godly young men are reading it right now.


  5. Jennifer says:

    Now this is beautiful womanhood!

    Perhaps the Harris brothers could post this letter on their site?

  6. Ashley says:

    Thank you for your letter. Sometimes I wonder what the guy's criteria is. Then at others, I know that what ever it is, when the right guy comes along, I'll meet that criteria. It is in God's timing.

    My biggest agreement is with your advice toward the end of your letter. Sons should be going to their fathers for direction in who they should marry. But fathers should in turn be guiding their sons as well.

    We all should be trying to be the instruments of God's means to His ends. That means each of us filling our God given role in a God given way. The fathers of the sons are part of those means. We as a Christian community are not using those means, so we are arriving at very different destination that the one we thought we were heading for.

    There are many scriptures about the fathers of the sons' role in establishing his son in marriage.

    Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. Deuteronomy 7:3

    Now therefore give not your daughters unto their sons, neither take their daughters unto your sons, nor seek their peace or their wealth for ever: that ye may be strong, and eat the good of the land, and leave it for an inheritance to your children for ever. Ezra 9:12

    Take ye wives, and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons, and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; that ye may be increased there, and not diminished. Jeremiah 29:6

    And that we would not give our daughters unto the people of the land, not take their daughters for our sons: Nehemiah 10:30

    And Samson went down to Timnath, and saw a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines. And he came up, and told his father and his mother, and said, I have seen a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines: now therefore get her for me to wife. Judges 14:1-2

    So Isaac called for Jacob and blessed him and commanded him: "Do not marry a Canaanite woman. Go at once to Paddan Aram, to the house of your mother's father Bethuel. Take a wife for yourself there, from among the daughters of Laban, your mother's brother. Genesis 28:1

    I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine……While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name: those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled…….Father, I will that they also, whom thou hast given me, be with me where I am; that they may behold my glory, which thou hast given me: for thou lovedst me before the foundation of the world. John 17:9;12;24

    For many years we have heard a majority of the biblical teaching on "courtship" being directed at the girls and their fathers. The passages that are used for showing the role of the girl's father, if you look at the whole verse, talks to the father's of the son's as well…

    You have to have both sides of the marriage equation(women and men), ready, wiling and able, to bring about a God glorifying marriage,(and a Godly culture of singleness and marriage). Both families, and both of the children must understand the biblical concepts of marriage and be ready to implement them before we should expect to see Godly results.

    Thank you for pointing the guys in this direction.

  7. Ashley says:

    Thank you for your letter. Sometimes I wonder what the guys criteria is. Then at others, I know that what ever it is, when the right guy comes along, I'll meet that criteria. It is in God's timing.

    My biggest agreement is with your advice toward the end of your letter. Sons should be going to their fathers for direction in who they should marry. But fathers should in turn be guiding their sons as well.

    We all should be trying to be the instruments of God's means to His ends. The fathers of the sons are those means, but we as a Christian community are not using those means, so we are arriving at very different destination that the one we thought we were heading for.

    There are many scriptures about the fathers of the sons' role in establishing his son in marriage.

    Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. Deuteronomy 7:3

    Ezra 9:12

    Jeremiah 29:6

    Nehemiah 10:30

    Judges 14:1-2

    Genesis 28:1

    I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine……While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name: those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled…….Father, I will that they also, whom thou hast given me, be with me where I am; that they may behold my glory, which thou hast given me: for thou lovedst me before the foundation of the world. John 17:9;12;24

    For many years we have heard a majority of the biblical teaching on "courtship" being directed at the girls and their fathers. The passages that are used for showing the role of the girl's father, if you look at the whole verse, talks to the father's of the son's as well…

    You have to have both sides of the marriage equation(women and men), ready, wiling and able, to bring about a God glorifying marriage,(and a Godly culture of singleness and marriage). Both families, and both of the children must understand the biblical concepts of marriage and be ready to implement them before we should expect to see Godly results.

    Thank you for pointing the guys in this direction.

  8. Don and Shelly says:

    Clearly (at least to me) the problem looks to begin with the fathers of the young men. While dads of homeschoolers may be really hitting other areas, I think they're neglecting the old teaching of "respect and protect" toward women as a whole and especially sisters in the faith. While young men definately need guidance, this young lady sounds like her eyes, mind and heart are in the right place. I hope she never looses heart in this manner. As a former young man myself, I saw my share of both kinds of women. The one I pursued and fought for was a conservative, pure young woman that I celebrated 23 years of marriage to this year. Perhaps it's time for the dads of the daughters to meet with the dads of the sons for a little "wake up and smell the coffee" talk…? -Don-

  9. Jennifer says:

    Huh, I suggested the Harris brothers post this before I even read the part of her letter about reading their modesty survey. So glad she addressed that! Good for her.

    Stacy, when your modesty series becomes available as a booklet, will there be a link under the last entry in the series?

  10. mosey says:

    OH Dearest!! 11 years ago I was you… I just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary in our marriage to an amazing man of God. God will bless your faithfulness to follow HIS will!

    Your letter is my hearts cry! Beautifully beautifully written. I intend to share.

  11. Laura says:

    Hmmmm, I'm in an unusually conflicted place on this post. I'm just going to speak my own heart, and if I'm completely wrong, feel free to tell me.

    When I met my husband, I spiritually wasn't in a very good place. I was that young woman, looking for the wrong attention, flirting needlessly and shamefully, and doing my best to ignore God. Yes, I was a Christian, but was trying to run away, not towards God.

    Sometimes, a man who is willing to see past the charade, and teach you, is exactly what you need. It's not always pretty, and it might make the pure woman who's been waiting angry (understandably), but sometimes it's what the Lord so clearly guides to happen. If all good Christian men didn't look inwardly to the heart of that broken, flirtatious young woman, my dear husband would have passed me over in less than a second.

    I completely agree that young Christian men need to step it up and have higher standards. Young Christian women need to keep themselves modest and pure as well. I want to teach my sons to look for women just as you, and teach my daughters to emulate young women just like you. I admire your conviction, and I believe the Lord will bless you for it!

    At the same time, I also want to teach my children compassion and to look past the poor behaviors that a person might have at the time, to realize the true reason behind it. Sometimes there is more than meets the eye.

    Okay, it's late, so I hope this made some sense!

  12. Stacy McDonald says:

    Hi Laura,

    I get what you're saying, and for the record, I was way worse than the girls described in this young lady's letter. Typically, flirtatious, immodest behavior demonstrates insecurity and the "lookin' for love" syndrome. I know that was me.

    The point is that we are called to live godly before our King, men and women. But when you have only one side doing it (and we do see more women preparing themselves for husbands than young men preparing themselves for wives) then you have problems.

    It's true that women tend to be led by their emotions, and this is foolish. But it's also true that young men tend to be led by…other things. And this is definitely foolish (read Proverbs 7).

    This letter was a call for young men to "man up" and stop being led by their flesh. And that stands. Yes, God is sovereign and works in the midst of our sin and mistakes – PRAISE GOD! But that doesn't justify or validate our sinful behavior.

  13. Michelle says:

    I have to say I agree with Laura. While I admire your purity and your desire for godliness in your life, it was hard for me not to read self-righteousness in this post. Written communication can often be misunderstood and I don't want that to be the case. It just seems the heart towards the "other girls" is not loving. It seems there is an anger towards the young men involved when these appear to not be the men that will cherish your purity. Rest in God's sovereignty over His will in your life.

    I pray that we can raise our daughter to be pure and godly. But I also hope she can remember the other side of the story, she who sinned much, loved much…(Luke 7:47) Christ came to save sinners and the gospel needs to be carried out in love.

  14. Stacy McDonald says:


    I didn't see self righteousness in the words of this young writer at all. She wasn't addressing unsaved girls – in fact, she wasn't addressing girls at all.

    She was addressing "conservative Christian young men" who should know better. Men who need to grow up and stop being led around by their…flesh. Men who are contributing to the unchaste behavior of their sisters in Christ by encouraging immodesty (this is what happens when they reward the unchaste girls with their attention and affection).

    I did hear frustration in her letter, but it's a frustration many share – and rightly so. Scripture is full of admonitions of this sort. Again, it's talking TO Christians – not to heathen young people who don't know any better.

    "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit." (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, NKJV)

  15. Jennifer says:

    Excellently put, Stacy. I'm glad this young lady addressed her concerns.

  16. wyethfan says:

    I would like to thank you for posting this letter. It will give me an opportunity to reply from the "guy's perspective" even though I am just a guy's mother.

  17. Cherry says:

    With all sincerity and gentleness I say this.

    You say you have obeyed your parents, dressed modestly to please your father, learned the Scriptures, behaved in a Godly and God fearing way, with much propriety and are working hard for the Lord, looking ahead to marriage and having your own family. You also say that you are upset at the actions of the godly young men you know, because they would rather pay attention to the ungodly looking young ladies, than you or the other godly young ladies. Yet, I ask you this. Are you thinking that you have done your best and now God owes it to you to bring you a Godly young man, and all you see is them wasting your hard efforts?

    "So you too, when you do all the things which are commanded you, say, "We are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done." Luke 17:10

    I truly pray you are not thinking you deserve something for your good behavior and obedience. Are you?

    We are to think, say and do all things for the Glory of God. It will help you, if you can see it this way. All you have done is for God's glory, and trust me, you are glorifying Him. He will someday, if He wills, bring you a Godly man who is not perfect in his personality or character, because we are all fallen human beings, but will be the husband He has chosen for you. You will know him when He brings him. Trust God in this.

    Your letter is timely and well needed, but be wise in your thinking.

    God Bless you.

    (If you would be interested in contacting our daughter, she would love to hear from you. She has several young ladies that she is encouraging in this waiting period.)

  18. wyethfan says:

    I am really thankful for this open letter, as it will give me an opportunity to write from the "guy's perspective" as the mother of young men.
    I have three sons. One is 16 and still in training, one is 28 and is in the beginning stages of courting a young lady (who lives 3 hours away) and the other is 30 and wants to be married to a godly young reformed woman who is passionate about home schooling however many children God chooses to bless them with.

    Both of my sons work in the IT industry and have very good paying jobs. Neither have ever been involved with a young woman and I know that both are not only physical virgins, but I truly believe they are mentally and emotionally virgins as well. They have worked very hard to guard their hearts and save themselves for their wives.

    However, even though we attend a PCA church, there are no girls who go there that my sons would even consider as wives because all of the girls are too "worldly". We haven't seen any young women who could even qualify as modest in their dress, let alone modest in their deportment and demeanor. We have seen none who are mature in their conduct and desires.

    So where does this leave my sons? In the same boat as the young lady who wrote the open letter. Believe it or not, there are young men out there who desperately want godly wives and are mature Christian young men ready to take on the responsibility of godly leadership in a family. The problem we have encountered is that mature young women are just as rare as mature young men seem to be. So how do you get them together. Our church is no help because we are the "weird ones" and they think we are "legalistic" in our beliefs–but we have no other option if we are going to attend a reformed church–and we have to drive an hour at that. Truly REFORMED churches with truly reformed mature godly families are few and far between. (At least in Oklahoma).

    So tell me–I'm really frustrated as a mother who wants her sons to get married because they would make such wonderful husbands and fathers–tell me how do we get these young people together?
    We believe only in courting.
    We have a conviction that girls should dress modestly and this for us means that we wear only skirts (I have a 19 year old daughter who thinks it will be a miracle if she ever gets married.)
    We are covenantal and reformed in our doctrine.
    We are passionate about homeschooling. And I could go on for a long time but won't.

    I believe with every ounce of my being that God is sovereign and that if He desires my children to marry He will make it happen but I still–maybe in my humaness–wonder if we should be doing something more to facilitate this.

    To the young woman who wrote the letter–Don't give up. I feel your frustration and pain and it breaks my heart BUT know that there are young men out there who are seeking a young woman like you. We will be praying for you!

  19. findingthemotherlode says:

    I can well relate to the words of the author of this open letter. But rather than recount my personal experience as a single, chaste Christian woman, I offer this encouragement:

    Walk with your head held high. Not as though you are better, but as you truly are, a woman of grace and accountability. Walk in the strength of God, setting an example for others, and heed not the things of men, but hold close in your heart the things of God, trusting in Him to make the way smooth.

    Now this is a hard word, but listen to the wisdom of God in these words:

    You cannot even count your purity as righteousness. What I mean is that even your purity can be an idol. Forsake it all, that you may be found in Him and in Him alone. It is by His blood that you are made pure, as we are all sinful from birth (Psalm 51). Instead, know that your purity is a gift from Him, so guard it well. Be strong in faith, knowing that He shows himself faithful to the faithful. So not give way to fear, but be a daughter of Sarah, even in the face of hardship such as you describe. Sadly, it is part of this evil age.

    Remember to delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37).

    May God strengthen you and direct your heart in God's love and in Christ's perseverance.


  20. The Warrior says:

    First and foremost, that's one of the best essays on this topic I've read in an age.

    Second, while I'll be the first to admit I'm massively flawed and often consider myself to be a big screw-up, I admit that I feel tired of the kind of ladies that the author is herself upset with. I'm pretty much 100% surrounded by them. So, know that your kind is more than appreciated!

    Thirdly, I am going to go blog this myself, right now!


  21. The Dischers says:

    That WAS a good letter. She hits many issues on right the head. I remember being frustrated myself with the girls in our Christian school who would "strut their stuff". I remained who God wanted mo to be, and in His time He blessed me with my sweetheart!

    As one commenter said, God is Sovereign and our girls must remember that they are living out God's desires for them to His glory only – not to receive a prize. In the center of His will is the very best place to be :) He then will give us the desires of our hearts because our desires will be His desires!

  22. Jennifer says:

    Cherry, I honestly don't know where you got that impression. Where exactly does this young woman question God? Where does she show frusteration towards Him at all? Not once. It's not Him that she addresses, but His commandments and the need to obey them. I don't see why you felt the need to question her heart, especially with so little evidence that she had any issue at all with God.

  23. HisBeloved says:

    I remember being just where you are. I will be praying for you and all the others out there like you who just want to do what God has called you to do that you will not grow weary in well doing. Keep the faith, dear sister and know that no matter how many boys you see doing this very thing, God will honor your faithfulness in His timing. Do not do as I once did, and try to settle for what you think is the best you can find. Be patient for God's "perfect" man for you. I can speak from experience, that that is where you will find His greatest blessing for your life, in a happy, and blessed marriage.

  24. fuzzys dad says:

    Thank-You for posting this letter.
    I have two daugthers ages 5 and soon to be 7.We are teaching them about modesty.

  25. Narobi says:

    I know you feel. I too am a young unmarried woman who desires to be married one day. I understand your frustrations sweetie, especially about whether or not you should throw out some "bait". My very worldly sister advised me the other day that I needed to "advertise my goodies" if I wanted to attract a husband. But I refuse to lower my standards just to get some attention. In my opinion I dress very feminine and modest. I wear mostly long skirts, unless the occasion calls for me to put on some pants, and cute tops. I avoid flirting and try and guard my speech and talk to my brothers at church like they are my brothers.

    But I think that mature Godly young men who are serious about their walk with the Lord and who value modesty and faithfulness in young women are hard to come by these days. It easy for men get distracted and overlook the young women who are truly striving to please God and who want to be a virtuous wife one day and a Proverbs 31 woman. Don't grow weary in well doing honey. There's a time and season for everything. I'll keep you in my prayers!

  26. Dulce Domum says:

    To the young girl:
    I know how it feels to desperately want to be married and start a family…and I was engaged at 19 and married at 23! I think we tend to underestimate, even in Christian circles, a woman's need for the blessing of a good husband and children. For some women, this need expresses itself in flirting, immodesty and sometimes even promiscuity. I believe that the girls you see in your church who flirt in their tight jeans are simply expressing that need and they are perhaps too immature or too ignorant to realise that they are behaving inappropriately. Put simply, I think you have a little more in common with these girls than you perhaps realise. Treat them with love and gentleness – they're wearing their tight jeans like you're wearing your homemaking skills: to attract a good man.

    As for the boys with whom you are frustrated, I can understand it. There you are ready and waiting to be a good wife and they're being lead by the nose by every girl in a low cut t-shirt they can sniff out. Young men, whether they have been brought up well or not, will always be very visual creatures, and at 18, 19 or 20 may not have even thought about having a wife and family. Your beliefs tell you that a young man should appreciate your level of modesty, should welcome the responsibility of providing for a family, should want to love, protect and cherish a wife. However, these are the characteristics of men not boys, and boys beome men a varying ages. Some men are mature and responsible and level headed at 20 and some don't reach that level of maturity until 30! Your level of maturity and need for the responsibilities of marriage and motherhood is not matched by your masculine counterparts! You must be patient…or look to find a husband a few years older than yourself.

    This is the advice I would give to my own daughters in your situation. I hope it has helped you, I also want you to know that even though I come from a different tradition and culture from yourself I truly understand your frustration. Finally, what men most appreciate in women is gentleness, warmth and tenderness. These qualities will always be your most valued assets in your future marriage.

  27. olde.fashioned says:

    A very hearty and resounding AMEN to this wonderful letter! I'm reblogging this as well. ;-)

  28. Fit Fat Mama says:

    Unfortunately I'm seeing more and more girls give in and compromise … a little bit at a time – tops a little tighter, then a little lower in the neckline, skirts a little shorter, then tighter, etc., as they see these young men gravitate toward immodest girls.

    Praying for this young lady to stand firm and trust.

  29. Rebecca says:

    Well posted. This was encouraging to read and I would just like to encourage the writer as well — although she may feel like an island in a sea of impurity, she's not. There are many, many young people out there who are committed to the plan God has for their lives. The enemy wants them to become discouraged and think that they are alone, strange, unworkably different and just plain weird.

    We have 6 kiddos. The two oldest, 17 and 16, are in this boat right now. As a mom, I pray for them daily and try to run interference as much as possible. I tell them the same thing I tell this young woman: Hold on! God has an amazing plan for your life. Don't try to run ahead of Him!

  30. Michael says:

    I didn't have time to read all the comments, but I'd like to share something here.

    I hear the heart of this post, the desire for young men to step up, wake up, and keep themselves focused in the right direction. It's my desire that I keep my life as this lady has described. There are men out there who want to separate themselves from flirtatious young women, who wish to keep themselves inline with what the Bible teaches. Sometimes we wonder the same thing; where are the godly young women, those who embrace modesty and honor? It seems that both parties are wondering where the other is. Perhaps we should go on more missions trips or something to meet each other. :) I am not perfect, but I'm working at cultivating a Godly character. I don't expect a women to have every quality down pat, but I too hope that they are working at it.

    There are men out there who look for such people. I'm 20 years old and am keeping my focus on what I believe to be the priority in my life, which is preparing for a wife, should God have that as a plan for me. I've stepped out of specific relationships with young women because I've felt that God was telling me it isn't my time yet. I have friends who wish to respect their sisters in the Lord. I want to do the same.

    My idea was to get married in a year or so, but from listening to my parents advice, it may not be for 3-4 years yet. For me, I've found that by keeping my focus on what God has for me, I won't become anxious about finding "her" yet. If I let myself get distracted, I may take away from Gods plan and do something He doesn't want me to do.

    I do hope to get married one day. The moment I look into my wife's eyes and say "I've been waiting for you," will be one to remember. Until then though, I'm busy working. :) We do appreciate your efforts, and they are noted. More than noted, they are appreciated.

    Here are the links to a couple of verses that have been an encouragement to me.

    All the best to you as you keep working for Him!

  31. sarah says:

    Amen, amen, amen! Thank you.

  32. AThornquist says:

    We live in a hyper-sexualized society. I don't doubt that many young men flock to the flirty girl who is showing skin because they are excited about the very prospect of physical intimacy. What do you think pornography is all about? We are a generation of young men that is so engulfed by visual attraction that it is utterly foolish to deny the reality that a young lady's level of modesty affects us in an exceedingly powerful way.

    This weakness is shameful, but ought to be no surprise. It also is a broad generality, much like the original post; many qualify to fit these statements, yet it would be simply false to say that every young man has been shaped so strongly by our society or that he has an immoral drive every time he talks with the girl who is outgoing, flirty, or immodest. Likewise, this hyper-sexualization is not an excuse; we are completely responsible and accountable for our decisions, but the chum that draws the young shark can't be denied either. Indwelling, deceitful sin whispers promises of pleasure and excitement when the knowing or unknowing temptress does what appeals to our flesh.

    Yet even when the battle is sometimes lost, the issue of young men flocking to a hot body must be considered on a case by case basis, not in an "open letter" with broad categories (i.e. conservative Christian guys) and vast generalizations drawn from mere anecdote. Realistically, how do I know that the original post wasn't written out of jealousy? How do I know it wasn't sanctified gossip about the girl at church who gets the most attention? Charity would lead me to assume the best from the writer, but speaking in such general terms really isn't helpful. Would it be edifying if a young man wrote an article about being frustrated by the "conservative, Christian girls (especially the homeschooled)" that are as boring as rocks and won't even have a meaningful conversation? Even if many young women would qualify to be addressed in the article, would it not be lacking in charity because of its broad inclusiveness and presumptuousness?

    In the same way, I would appreciate if Christian charity would be given as you ("conservative, Christian girl") read my interactions with others. You don't know my heart or intentions, regardless of who I am speaking to. And do you know what would be an interesting test? How many of those young men have you approached per Matthew 18 and confronted with their sins in the hope of repentance? How many of them did you ASK about their intentions? If you have done neither of those, have you considered the possibility that you are not interested in the young man's spiritual well-being as much as you are interested in your own opportunities to get attention from young bucks? The internet abounds with pious rants but I would be genuinely surprised if lasting good came from it. Therefore, my humble opinion is that "Open Letters" either to young Christian men or women need to be dropped entirely; I suspect that biblical confrontation and interaction might be of greater value.

  33. Stacy McDonald says:

    This was a comment I received from a young man I know personally who has trouble having regular conversations with Christian homeschooled young women because he feels like he's being constantly "checked out." He's afraid to talk to them because it's obvious (to him) they are getting their hopes up.

    Granted, I know this young man and he is a nice looking, intelligent, godly, respectful gentleman, so it may be difficult for those girls to NOT help hoping he's interested in them. But hear him out.

    He makes some good points. Men can sense desperation (A Maaaa-an!) LOL Don't shoot yourself in the foot, ladies!

    So many things here I agree with. Although to the author I'd like to say this as an encouragement (some of which has already been said): The guys 'flocking' to the immodest girl (in dress, action, whatever) are not the kind of guys you want….

    This raises the question, what is the kind of guy that you want? For every girl it will vary, but I think it'd be safe to say he won't be the flocking type period. This means to any girl, including you. In other words, if you (the author) knew there was someone who was interested in you, would it really help? I think not.

    An honorable young man will keep his intentions to himself until the appropriate time has come. The core problem is that we need more honorable Christian guys out there. I agree with Mrs. McDonald who said that guys may be distracted by these types of girls, but they're not the type that a good Christian young man would seek to marry.

    Yet there is another problem that I haven’t seen addressed. It’s important for a girl to be approachable without the guy feeling "checked out." This is HUGE!! If I could underline and make that bold I would. Guys can tell if you are interested, trying to find out if he's interested, or just flirting for the thrill. If a guy sees any of these three (I guess I'm speaking for myself from my own experience), it'll scare him away. Life isn't like a Jane Austen film. If you're thinking it is, talking/thinking about the guy behind his back, judging, etc… Chances are that that alone is what is scaring him away and keeping him from even saying hello.

    Ladies, if you want any good Christian young man to get to know you, please, please, please don't guess, assume, expect, or hope. It shows, and it's scary. If you want a guy to be able to get to know you, you yourself need to be approachable.

    There are a very small percentage of girls in my circles that I feel I can talk to without feeling like there are thoughts buzzing around in their head that might eventually hurt the girl herself. I would say about 30% of the girls I know come across as friendly without being flirty. Sure the other 70% may be beautiful, godly, Christian young ladies with the entire skill set to start homeschooling 8 children tomorrow… To me, it doesn't matter. If she has what I refer to as a "Jane Austen" mindset of frills, romance, and gossip, it will be so hard to get to know her that chances are I never will.

    I know the dress/body language of the girl in this particular story might have been a problem, but from my own experience there are times when the girls who are dressed a little less conservatively (not necessarily immodestly) are more approachable and less flirty.


    Thank you for sharing! This is good input for young ladies to keep in mind!!

  34. Stacy McDonald says:

    "Would it be edifying if a young man wrote an article about being frustrated by the "conservative, Christian girls (especially the homeschooled)" that are as boring as rocks and won't even have a meaningful conversation? Even if many young women would qualify to be addressed in the article, would it not be lacking in charity because of its broad inclusiveness and presumptuousness?"

    Good point, Thornquist. I suspect such a letter wouldn't go over so well. :-)

    However, the same letter you describe, if written graciously (boring as a rock probably wouldn't be a good choice of words), may be just what some young ladies out there need to hear to inspire them to greatness. ;-)

    Those who know they aren't boring, and who know they are intelligent and engaging shouldn't be offended because they should assume you're talking to someone else.

    I see your point about open letters having their weaknesses, but I still think hearing the perspective this girl may be helpful for some. You're right that we can't know what's really going on in her world, but can't those who need hear it glean from it?

  35. AThornquist says:

    The fundamental issue is a problem of the heart; an open letter may certainly send someone packing to go on a guilt trip, but there are glaring deficiencies in this approach. I will mention again Matthew 18, which I would be truly interested to see in practice by those who feel sinned against when they observe young men scoping out a fox. By making the issue impersonal and not privately directing a guilty person to specific sin, we are in practice making people (the offended party) feel justified and accomplished in dealing with their end of the matter, when in fact the Scriptural command of exposing and confronting specific sin has not occurred in any sense.

    If sin has not actually occurred, the letter argues by preference rather than Scripture, and the guilt caused is unnecessary and unbiblical. Certainly there are true things spoken of in the original post, but if the church would deal with sin directly and biblically we would not need open letters in order to engage in sanctified venting.

  36. Jennifer says:

    There's nothing wrong with this letter, Thornquist. The young woman is clearly addressing young men acting a certain way, and there's no remote reason to feel guilty unless one's convicted of the behavior she describes. It makes even less sense to guess at unworthy motives on the part of the writer. Young women have ALREADY been addressed; I've seen the Botkin girls repeat that they've heard young men ask, "Where are the virtuous women?" I've seen the Harris modesty survey, mostly reasonable but with some guys asking RIDICULOUS things of girls. Girls HAVE been addressed. Repeatedly, and sometimes with a good deal less taste than this young woman expressed.

    "Would it be edifying if a young man wrote an article about being frustrated by the "conservative, Christian girls (especially the homeschooled)" that are as boring as rocks and won't even have a meaningful conversation?"

    That's an incredibly faulty comparison. Firstly, this woman used no such rude language. Secondly, what you describe is highly annoying, but it is not sinful.

  37. Jennifer says:

    That's a great letter from a young man, Stacy. Some girls do get too caught up in the Jane Austen thing, and it's a shame too because sometimes their reading choices are extremely limited. If they were allowed to have more doses of reality, from parents, bigger realms of society and reading choices, it'd be better (although the ironic thing is, Austen hersself never had her smart heroines flirting or waiting around for the right guy!)

    "In other words, if you (the author) knew there was someone who was interested in you, would it really help? I think not"

    Oh I think it would. I'd like to be prepared in case a guy should address me.

  38. Stacy McDonald says:

    Dear Thornquist,

    I think you're right that the Matthew 18 process is too often neglected in the church; but, I think you're over reacting to the open letter format. This girl was not personally offended; she was simply trying to challenge young men who need to hear it. If you're not one of them, why worry about it?

  39. Stacy McDonald says:

    By the way, I posted this letter on Facebook in a note, and here are a few of the responses I received from young men. I shortened a few of them:

    "I really appreciated this letter. It was a good encouragement to myself and, I'm sure, guys like me. It helped in bringing some perspective to what guys should like in a girl and points past the flesh and to the heart. Thanks for posting Mrs. McDonald!" – Kevin W.

    "Thanks for sharing, Mrs. McDonald. There's a lot here that we young men need to hear. We are constantly discipled by a satanic culture, even in subtle ways that we fail to realize, to prioritize and love what is evil. We must be deliberate and careful in our thinking and lifestyles to build a firm theological foundation — centered in the Gospel of Christ and His commandments — opposing the lies, theft, death, and destruction of the enemy!" – Caleb H.

    "Excellent feedback . . . a worthy commentary worth significant thought for any Christian young man." – Chad

    "Thank you so much to whoever wrote this. Rest assured that there are many guys out there who are looking for someone just like you, and the Lord will reveal you to one such man in His perfect timing. I know it's frustrating; many of us men …know exactly how that feels (but from a different perspective of course).

    I'd also like to suggest that an equally frustrating flaw in women that I've observed is that many will reject a guy based on their emotions and say things like "it just doesn't feel right" or "sparks didn't fly" or something of that nature. I'm waiting for the day that I express my interest in some young woman who I appreciate for her modesty and Godly character traits, and she will appreciate me for my character as well, not whether or not I can smooth talk her or have a perfect personality or in some other way fit into her perfect little dream world.

    I happen to believe that the character of the other person is the single most important thing you can look at. If Godly character is present, right action will follow, and such a person will also be attractive in their own way. They'll be pleasant to be around, they'll be "comely" in the sense that they take care of themselves (following the mandates of scripture that have to do with good stewardship and excellence), they'll go out of their way to take an interest in others, etc.

    Of course, personality and looks can still have a part to play in determining whether or not you're attracted to the other person (I mean, you shouldn't be repulsed by the person you marry), but they become less significant when both people truly love the Lord and share relatively sound doctrine." Jonathan N.

  40. Stacy McDonald says:

    And a few more…

    "Good letter and great points. As a guy I think that the impulse to be drawn to a loose girl comes from selfishness, laziness and shortsightedness–thinking about the enjoyment of now instead of a long-term relationship. If we're serious about finding happiness lasting more than a few months, we should ask ourselves how the girl we're interested in can fulfill a role for years to come as a faithful lover, helper, mom, and friend. When we know she's the one, we can flirt then." Daniel D.

    "I pray that we do not just give intellectual consent to this. It's so easy to do that. I pray that we actually apply this to our daily life and long-term, even if unpopular and not always working with our feelings, praying for God's strength to be consistent for the glory of God!!"

    "Thanks so much for this note, I was really encouraged to rededicate myself to discern and encourage the godly women out there. If you have any other notes like this, INCLUDE ME! I'm hungry for more wisdom. :)" Brian P.

    "I think this article ought to be read by every single man and woman along with all the young boys and girls who expect to be married in the future.

    "I loved how wrote that there are many girls in the church today that are very modest and are waiting patiently for their husband to come and I hope to be a husband to a lovely young lady like that come the future." – Matthew U.

    "Having read this open letter, I took a step back and realized that the girls who practice modesty often feel they are being overlooked by potential suitors. However, as a man who became a follower of Christ at the age of 28, and who was the type who was attracted to the type of woman this chaste girl describes, I can honestly say that even as an unbeliever, I respected the virtuous woman more. It was the virtuous who eventually won my heart and shared her faith with me." Barry K.

    "A lot of really good things to be thinking about. Thank you for posting, Mrs. McDonald!" Ethan W.

    "Wow! What an amazing letter! I hope I get to meet this dear sister one day, but either way I highly value her (and many others like her). And even if I never get to meet her, I'm praying for her. She is the kind of lady I'm going to be looking to marry one day, in God's timing. For now, I'm waiting, watching, learning, working, studying, and praying.

    "Let's keep running the race that Jesus has set before us, growing and learning, keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus – the Author and Perfector of our faith!" Steven

  41. Starlie says:

    Thank you so much for sharing, Mrs. Stacy! This article, and the following comments, were rather encouraging to me. I am 17,and have always striven to dress and behave as modestly and femininely as possible, keeping myself pure for the one man God gives me. I have shared some of the same frustrations as this girl. Recently I read the book by Sarah Mally, 'Before You Meet Prince Charming', and I just loved it! It was so encouraging in every way, and I have gone to it again and again! And whenever I feel discouraged, wondering if there really is a "Prince Charming" out there for me, I remember the verse in 1 Timothy 5:14 that says " I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully." If the Lord wants me to marry, (and I believe that He has called me to be a wife and mother in the future) then He will provide one better than I ever could!

    Another word of encouragement from Galations 6:9 "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." Don't get tired of doing well, the reward will come eventually!

    Here is a blog I wrote about my future goals, I believe it to be the Biblical model for any young lady.

  42. The Battlegrounds says:

    To comment on An Open Letter to Conservative Christian Guys I know many married wives deal with this as well!

    They desire and strive for the same goals yet find their husbands and Christian men giving attention (or at least noticing) to the "worldly women".

    It can be a struggle for a wife to fight off the emotions of bitterness, anger, and envy when met with this same situation.

    Also at times I notice very nice, conservative, modest young ladies acting a tad less modest then they intend. It's not only dress but attitude. It's not only the single young men you must consider, but the older family man who is attempting to keep himself faithful.

  43. Becky says:

    –I think that defining "flirty" would be helpful. Sometimes the quieter types think that outgoing girls are flirts when they aren't actually "Flirt"–they are just friendy and outgoing. Does the "flirty" girl in the article really display sexuality? How? by touching or rubbing the guys, by stroking parts of her body?

    Sometimes it is easy for girls who aren't outgoing to label friendly girls are "flirts" when they aren't. An outgoing girl might actually call out and say "hi" to a guy first–not really caring how it looks–she is simply friendly and likes to be friends with lots of guys.

    –If the guy is really godly, then he isn't going to be really attracted to this girl, if she is just an empty shell of a girl without anyting to talk about. Maybe the author needs to rethink her definition of "godly" guy.

    –If it is up to the parents to find mates for their kids, then they should get serious about it. If they will not allow their young people to go to youth retreats, camps, etc. where they can meet other, then the parents ought to. Maybe there is a forum or chat board where they can meet other parents. !! I'm kind of joking and kind of not. Parents who totally restrict choices for their kids/young people and then won't help them out in this area–are little more than control freaks.

    Parents ought to be looking for chances for their young people to meet the right kind of young people. Someone mentioned missions trips. That's a great idea, but will really strict parents even allow their young adults to go on such a trip? Might it smack of a youth activity?

    My mom said "You marry who you are around". It might not sound profound, but it is true.

    If you are into the idea that parents decide who the partner will be, then I guess you could adjust the saying to "You marry who your parents' friends' kids". :)

  44. Travels With Uncle Sam says:

    This letter was very, very, very good! So true! Even Christian young people want somebody "cool" — a bad boy or a bad girl, because that's "sexy." Then they are bewildered that they didn't change that person after marriage.

    Men are the ones who really need to take the lead in stuff like this. This is something that has recently come home to me, after reading so many posts about how we women need to submit and be modest and get our ducks in a row so that things will go right. Well, yes, we DO need to do those things.

    But, if men won't take the leadership, things won't go right; there is nothing to submit TO. Submitting to non-leadership is an oxymoron. And for us wives to just pray that our husbands will get on board with our ideas so that we can submit, is not right either. They need prayer so that they can take the lead and make the decisions. Right decisions.

    The Bible says, "Through the one MAN, all sinned," not "through the one woman," although Eve first sinned. Adam was the leader and the one held responsible. God went to him first after they both ate, not to the woman.

    Only when men step up to the plate and refuse to be entrapped by immodest women, the "eye-candy," will even Christian society right itself.

    Christian ladies: pray for our men. Pray that they will take the lead and the responsibility that God gave them and love it. Then we can submit wholeheartedly with a good result in the end. We are only the weaker vessel. The stronger vessel needs to take the lead. We, the Christian weaker vessels are trying valiantly to take the lead, but it is not about us.

    Thanks for sharing this. I'll share it with my son.

  45. Jennifer says:

    We're not weaker than men, Travels, except with physical strength.

  46. Stephanie says:

    "I’ve read the Modesty Survey by the Harris boys and I’ve listened to young men beg young women to dress modestly. Well, I heard you, guys, and I loved you enough to comply. So, why can’t you take your eyes off the girl in the tight jeans?"

    huh, interesting! totally agree.

  47. Travels With Uncle Sam says:

    Jennifer, the Bible says that woman is the weaker vessel: I Peter 3:7, "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." Weaker, Yes, perhaps because more easily deceived like Eve (Adam knew what he was doing; Eve was deceived); of less value and importance, No.

  48. Jennifer says:

    The Bible says to treat the wife LIKE a weaker vessel, but it says nothing of women being weaker in mind or heart. Only the body has been a clear sign of lesser strength.

  49. Brian says:

    As a dad of three boys; 15, 13, and 11, I appreciate this letter of request very much.

    I struggled as a teen/young adult, and as someone who wanted to please God with my choices and actions, with the constant flaunting of indecency and my frequent lapses in "running from temptation".

    I believe God created us to appreciate beauty, and each of us is beautiful in a different way and sees beauty differently. However there are certain people that are "head-turners" for both girls and boys (and women and men) and I recognize that we're all going to look, usually. The question is, are we going to avoid giving into the temptation to continue "looking". Also, science and psychology support the fact that guys are more "visually" stimulated than girls, therefore, in my opinion, they have to work harder to overcome the temptation of lust. I pray for parents of girls to stand firm in teaching their girls how to dress decently, remembering that they have a strong influence on boys – FAR more than they know. Unfortunately, when they figure that out, sometimes the real trouble begins.

    I remind my boys that we can't control the decisions of others but we can control ourselves with the help of the Spirit and we continually have to remind ourselves to seek him. I am also doing my best to teach them to always look at the character of the person rather than their looks. Obviously that usually comes after the first look, but should be of first importance.

    Lastly, I believe God moves us and guides us to the people that are best for us, if we let him.

    Thank you to those parents and girls who are trying to do what they believe God wants of them. I'm going to try to do the same with my boys. God will help with the "matching", but it needs to be in His time, not ours. Be patient for the "right" one.

  50. Travels With Uncle Sam says:

    Jennifer, I hope it doesn't sound like I'm arguing, but it is clear just from reading the text in I Peter that the woman is the weaker vessel, and not just physically. I also looked this up in the Pulpit Commentary, originally published in the 1880's, very scholarly, written back when people were fine scholars of the original languages and not as liberal as today, and that commentary, in the exposition, said that the woman is comparatively weaker, which is why the husband must treat her with honor (a crystal glass is weaker than a stoneware coffee mug, and treated with more honor and not to be degraded). The fact that Satan first went to the woman shows that there is something inherently weaker and more easily deceived in her than in the man, which is why men should take the leadership in the church and women should not ursurp that leadership. Yes, we are also generally physically weaker, too. I have never heard this passage translated "as though" she were weaker. That wouldn't make sense, just reading it.

  51. Shannon says:

    Well said! My dear girl, do not give up! My husband is proof that there are godly young men who value modesty and chastity in young women. He saved not just his physical purity, but his heart, his mind, and his eyes- for his wife. Before I met him
    ( I was 27 and he was 30), I often wondered if I should give up. We married seven years ago today.

  52. Stacey says:

    Oh, amen, and amen! I pray these lovely young women will stay faithful to the God’s path, and that the young men for whom this letter was written will indeed wise up, and not try to walk the fence between God and the world. The world and its lusts will pass away. It will not have been worth it to go down that road.

    Where I live, there are virtually no young women or girls striving for modesty and purity, and the society is a reflection of it.

    God bless the young woman who wrote this letter, and thank you, Stacy, for sharing it. We must pray for our youth!

  53. Lori says:

    Really amazing post/letter! I hope it gets guys thinking!

  54. brothermichael says:

    Amen and amen! I am a young man, well maybe not so young at 40-something, but I can assure you that your words are spot on. Take heart as there ARE single Christian guys truly looking for a godly woman who does not flaunt her wares.

    For me, if I see a woman dressed modestly, especially if in a skirt/dress, I make note of her. Well, let me say I would like to make note of her because honestly I'm hard pressed to find many woman out here in Christiandom who dress modestly (there are some I know praise God – but they are few and far in between). This because most, as you are well aware, dress exactly like the world and if I can be frank appear to be donning the attire of a harlot more often than not.

    This being especially true the older you get as any ladies who have had these values instilled from youth (a minority in the evangelical church to be sure) are either married off, too young for me to marry, or have left the nest and succumbed to the temptation to do a little advertising.

    On the flip side, when I see a woman dressed with tight pants, low cut/tight revealing top, or any other form of immodesty, although I can't deny such things can lay a terrible snare before me, I am truly offended and want nothing to do with the woman (in terms of considering her for marriage). For if she dresses like this now before marriage, than most assuredly she will dress like this after marriage. The idea of which is a terrible offense to me as I believe a woman's body is ONLY for her husband's eyes and not for other men to gawk and salivate over.

    So to you and all the other ladies holding fast to these values and godly principles, please do NOT give in to the temptation to flirt or dress provocatively. God will bless you for your faithfulness; maybe not with a husband, I cannot say, but he will bless you none the less.

    And to all reading who are already married, do pray for us who cannot seem to find what we are looking for. Personally, I'm weary of looking as it is a terrible discouragement as so many dress like the world, live like the world, and speak like the world.

    brother Michael

  55. M. Wayland says:

    @Lori: This guy is certainly thinking :)

    Great letter! Whoever you are that posted it/sent the e-mail thank you for your time, effort and thought that went into this. While I am no longer “young” (if you ask a teenager I’m probably old, ask a baby boomer and I’m still a baby) I do appreciate your stand. I am still waiting for the Lord to bring my a “Proverbs 31” wife and walking with Him so He can change those areas of my life that need changing so I can be a blessing to her; however, you letter definitely gives a great exhortation in areas I need to get better at.

    Thanks again and may the Lord bless thee and keep thee!

  56. Jennifer says:

    Travels, the idea that women shouldn't be leaders because they're weak is incredibly weak in itself, actually. Adam's sin was greater because he was NOT deceived; Eve was and believed she'd done right by eating the fruit. The Bible says sin came through man, not woman, and it never says women may not lead because all women suffer from Eve's weakness. In fact, God contradicts this with dozens of female leaders. Going solely by the prejudical interpretations of certain early churches because they're less liberal is just as faulty as deliberately choosing more liberal ones.

  57. Jennifer says:

    If you'd like to talk to me further about this, Travels, you're welcome to email me, since I don't want to take up this thread.

  58. Joanna says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for having the courage to write something like this! I as a girl was encouraged to continue by your example, even if some guys aren’t. Keep up the good work!

    God bless

  59. Rachel says:

    AMEN! Thank you for standing up for us =)

  60. Mary R. says:

    I do agree with you, Jennifer, (I prefer not to e-mail) that the man’s sin was greater because he was not deceived, and that the Bible says through the one MAN all sinned. However, my point is that there is something in a woman that is more easily deceived, which is one reason why women are to submit to their husbands and are not to be elders or deacons in the church (they can do other things, and in the case of men not leading, women like Deborah can lead, but that is not the norm. They can still do much for the Lord, even in the church.

    Actually, my point was that even if women in the church and home do everything right, if the men won’t lead, there is nothing to submit to; the women will be leaders by default. So, I’m not blaming women for all the ills of society.

  61. Donna says:

    This devotional came across my path this morning; it is from the August 22, 1988 devotional booklet “Fresh Start”. It seems very relevant in light of the letter written by this young lady. My heart breaks for her and so many others including my three precious daughters who are also waiting.

    Bible Reading: Ephesians 2:1-7
    John Adams said that democracy would work only with a moral people. When people experience political and social breakdowns, the nation experiences political and social breakdowns.
    We see it all around us. People from every walk of life are defecting from the moral base upon which America was founded.
    We must be clear as Christians that our primary loyalty is not to an earthly country. Our primary loyalty is to glorify and serve God.
    However, if we do that well, we also benefit America secondarily. As a result, the moral condition of America can act as a barometer to tell us how we are doing.
    Because we in the church have left our first love, our Lord Jesus Christ, the flames of moral disintegration burn unchecked. Personal holiness is the most significant contribution we can make to check the flames.

    “And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You. “ Psalm 9:10

  62. Judy says:

    I read this to my son and shared it with the ladies in my church who have sons, and the general response was, “Where is this young lady, I’d like to meet her!” Keep up putting God first in your life- you shall someday receive the reward of a godly young man, Lord willing that you should marry.

  63. Jennifer says:

    “However, my point is that there is something in a woman that is more easily deceived, which is one reason why women are to submit to their husbands and are not to be elders or deacons in the church (they can do other things, and in the case of men not leading, women like Deborah can lead, but that is not the norm”

    That’s precisely what I disagree with. I think that’s a crock being passed down for centuries; good women flourish as leaders and this is not an exception.

  64. Jennifer says:

    To be clear, I also believe wives submit out of love and respect, not some inferiority in judgement. Husbands are called to make sacrifices in love too.

  65. Lauren says:

    You make some great points, some men in the church are just looking for a hot/cool woman. The fact that you have made the effort to make modesty a priority in you life is commendable. However a value or reward of being modest does just get paid off by becoming a wife and / or a mother. However you seem very humble ,with prayer and in time may have the right man coming right to you : )

  66. Astrid says:

    Very much like the Apostle Paul, I am perplexed but not in despair. For this is so sadly true!!! These boys are raised to marry our kind, the girls our fathers and mothers have invested in, to be women who strive not for goodness, but for godliness. Almost without exception, these same boys will immediately turn their attention to the girl who “lets it all out”. Maybe she feels she has the “freedom in Christ” to behave not unlike the harlot in Proverbs and I do not feel qualified to judge her or question her motives.

    But I see the behavior, and I mark it well. I see the marriages, I see the shallowness, the flirtations, the power-hunger, the emptiness, the lust, and I know that it is not of God. This behavior is not of God, the whole situation, not from the mind of Christ.

    Purity is drilled into our heads; even in some circles, raised above all else. If you are not a virgin on your wedding night, nothing else matters. (I am speaking sarcastically.) Purity is of a solemn, awful importance, but are we not perhaps going about it all wrong? I think maybe, making the physical, actual condition more than the matter of the heart and the soul- which will only lead to girls seeing “how far can we go” and pushing restrictions beyond all propriety.

    And the boys are left blameless. Where is the balance? When will the girls heed; the warnings of their elders, their peers, their God? When will the young men take their lives and their own mental and emotional purity seriously: do you REALLY think you want a wife, you own, only wife, to have behaved with a man the way you are treating that girl before you, now? Girls, same goes for you. By what measure you judge…and recall that our Lord is the only ultimate, unbiased Judge of all. Not another man. Not another girl. And certainly, not you.

  67. Roberta says:

    Marvelous. You were clear, concise, and you made your point forcefully and well, and backed it up appropriately with scripture. At nineteen, I agree with you.

    Outside the bonds of marriage covenant, there is no such thing as a pure “high.” You think you walk away from these encounters faultless; there is more to your life than the sexual, and more to a man’s honor than his reputation.

    There comes a reckoning for everything that happens in this world. Nothing is free, except the grace of God.

  68. Gabriel H says:

    Amen. May it not be said of the men of my generation that we found value in the cheap and trampled on the priceless…

  69. Maryanne says:

    I think that the young lady who wrote the letter may need not only a good dose of reality but also one of a forgiving heart. As much as it is extremely important to have high standards in one’s choices for a spouse, it is also important be Christ-like oneself. I think that this young lady should be less concerned about finding that guy (because if God wills that she find a guy, then they will find each other at the perfect time) and should be more concerned about she herself becoming the woman that God wants her to become and to become the godly woman that a godly man wants to marry. She also should take into consideration that, when she is standing at the foot of the cross she is equally sinful as the young men who “flock” to the flirty girl and as the flirty girls themselves. Pride is just as much a sin as dressing immodestly. In many situations pride really does come before a fall and she could very well, in a year, find herself in those girls’ shoes and I think that then she will be grieved by her error in being so haughty and judgmental.

  70. Insane Diego says:

    Great post!

    “Charm is deceitful and beauty if vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. ”

    O’course if the barn needs painting… ;^)

    I reckon God is the author of all that is beautiful and I reckon he made men visual for a reason. With that mind, I’d posit that both the fairer sex and the hairy’er sex have a responsiblity in keeping to his standards of conduct and purity in the presentation and response to the female form.

    We are neither to defile that beauty (through licentiousness in presentation or response) nor dismiss it (through legalism) this work of the Master Craftsman.

  71. Josh says:

    Good Evening Mrs. McDonald,

    I found your blog though a friend of mine who shared the link to this letter with me. When I read this letter, it really spoke to my heart. Please let this young lady know that there are Godly young men out there who are seeking a young woman with her convictions. Proverbs 3:5-6 has been such an encouragement to me as I seek out the young woman that the Lord has for me and I hope it would be not only an encouragement for her but for all Goldy women who are waiting on the Lord.

    “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”


  72. Corine says:

    Dear faithful young woman of God,

    I read your letter, and I applaud your efforts to be virtuous. I implore you… keep your standards high; and continue in your commendable efforts to be faithful, totally and completely to the end. If you were to succumb to lowering your standards you would only attract a young man who would not be worth the bait – or if he lowered his for you… you would both live to regret it.

    Please understand; righteous young men do admire women like you. They are thankful for you, but they are still young men with very strong challenges to put off the natural man; it is a challenge for even the best of men (young and old) to keep eyes and thoughts where they should be. Do not let this challenge bother you. It does not make a man any less Christian to have this challenge; it is not a sin to be tempted, only a sin to succumb to temptation or ask for it.

    Continue to be the girl who helps him with this. Continue to be the girl who he can be around on the toughest of days… the girl who he can look in the face without worry of seeing more… the girl who he can relax around and be himself with… the girl who he enjoys being around, because she helps him to be his best self and brings no shame to him when he thinks of how he feels when he is around her. Be the girl who he seeks out, and admires, and who he knows will make a faithful and good friend and wife, who will never dishonor him or herself.

    Be that girl; be yourself…a righteous daughter of God. Have faith, that at the right time, a righteous young man WILL notice you, and love you for your purity. And that if one does not… you are better off alone for a season, than with an unrighteous man.

    PS Keep your eyes open, judging young men by their hearts, the same way you desire to be judged for your heart and not your body. Take courage. There are many good young men out there. :)

    Corine :D

  73. George says:

    I do so much appreciate your perspective. Thank you for your values, your testimony and for caring enough about our walk with our Saviour to let it effect your modesty. I will try harder to thank modesty when I see it. (I have tried to do this already.) In your testimony, you have helped me have a more compassionate heart toward my sisters who I now see are struggling with a temptation just as powerful as we men do. Our weaknesses attack each other’s weaknesses. As women contribute to our struggle, I see now that we also contribute to yours. If I have caused any young ladies a greater struggle because of my actions, I am sorry. Thank you for this eye-openning letter.

    To every young lady that has tried to be pure and modest, THANK YOU. God bless you.

  74. Mary Schumpf says:

    I am amazed to hear from one of those scarcely found girls who value modesty and Christian living, finding beauty in the pure things of life, being willing to remain pure even if it means being alone for a time until God brings that chosen one to her. Wait on the Lord, the Bible says. Your parents must be very thankful that they were able to nurture you in God’s ways. Truly God has a plan for you. I only wish that more parents would study to show themselves approved unto God and that their children both boys and girls follow their example. The hand that rocks the cradle still rules the world, but fewer are rocking the cradle at all.
    Thank you for your heartfelt letter. May all the desires of your heart come to pass.


  75. anamcara_med says:

    “A woman’s heart should be so close to God that a man should have to chase Him to find her” – C.S. Lewis

    And the one who does find her will be a blessing to her because of his own pursuit of their Abba…

  76. Greg says:

    As a single man 33 years old, this is encouraging. Being someone whom God did not save until after he’d been married and divorced, it’s hard to find a virtuous woman. Most of the ones that fit the description of the lady writing this letter are either too young for me, or view me as “tainted” since I am divorced. I would call on these women to look not at what the man was before he was saved, but rather who he is now. Even though I am not a virgin, I am a born again virgin. Since being saved, I am waiting til marriage. Doesn’t seem to matter though as the type of woman I am preparing for can’t seem to forgive my past, even though Christ has. All that seems to be left for me are the women flaunting themselves as they seem to be the only ones willing to date a divorced man. Yet, those are not the women I want. So here I am. 9 years divorced, 7 years a Christian, still waiting for my Godly woman of grace who can see that I’m not the man I was 8 years ago and will not judge me based on him. In short, as encouraging as it is to see women out there being modest and desiring to serve God, it would be nicer to see women of grace.

    Not saying all of you reading this are as I’ve described, just saying that all my experiences with women who talk this talk behave as I’ve described. As much as the men need to chase the modest women, everyone needs to forgive the checkered past of adult converts.

  77. Stacy McDonald says:

    Hi Greg,

    I would encourage you to read A New Chapter

    It is never too late to do the right thing. Focus on how God wants to use you now, right where He has you. And trust that His timing is perfect! Praising God with you that He saved you out of the rubble (just as He did me!).

  78. Rachel says:

    Perhaps it’s not how the “flirtatious” girl is dressed, but how she shines that gets attention. She is probably the only girl in church who shows any spark of life. I’ve seen the dull-eyed, drab ‘modest’ girls and I can’t blame young men for looking right past them. Who wants a wife like that?

    The young woman who wrote that letter sounds like she’s getting lots of practice dishonoring men. The man who finds himself married to her shouldn’t be surprised when she turns her disapproval on him.

    I would rather my sons be single forever than end up married to someone like that.

  79. Stacy McDonald says:


    Shines???? LOL Well, there’s one way of putting it! Flirting is a desperate attempt to use another person for an ego boost. It can hardly be described as anything noble or worthy of attention.

    I think it is extremely arrogant and ignorant to judge all “modest girls” as “drab” and “dull-eyed.” Whatever that means! So if they decided to bat their eyes, swing their hips, and show a little skin, they would cease to be “dull eyed” or “drab?” Wow.

    My daughters are very modest and chaste and they also happen to be beautiful inside and out, as well as outgoing, engaging, and intelligent. One of my daughters just wrote the following article on this very subject: “So, This is…Love?”

  80. Dan says:

    I have read a lot of posts advising guys to “get a grip” and take their eyes off of the girl in tight jeans. I’m not making excuses, because sin is sin and lust is certainly sin. However, it would be foolish not to recognize that men are naturally attracted to women by sight. It is difficult for a man to look away from a provocatively dressed woman in the same way that it is difficult for some girls to recognize the sincerity of a boy that tells them they “love” them. As a guy, it would be easy for me to say “get a grip” to a girl that has fallen head over heels for a guy that is obviously a loser. This is not written in stark criticism of the comments. I just wish to point out that yes, men should develope the ability to control their gaze, but women should recognize that their “gaze” can just as easily be swayed by a sweet-talking guy.

  81. Jennifer says:

    What you say is too true, Dan. Many women, most of whom don’t look for marriage, are openly craving bad boys. And secular men are being told to adapt such behavior.

  82. Stacy McDonald says:

    Thank you for your frank and needed comment, Dan. We all have our weaknesses. Recognizing them is crucial.

  83. Lori says:

    Thank you Stacy for posting these important messages. I agree that girls that are dressing modestly are a good witness to what the Bible tells us about character. I have three daughters at home, and we are studying about biblical marriage, family and how to “wait” for the right young man.
    If a young man’s heart is right and he is waiting for the right young woman, he will be looking for the girl who dresses and acts modestly.
    We pray for the young men who will someday marry our daughters,
    ( even though we don’t know who they are yet), to be pure for our daughters, and will wait for marriage to give themselves physically and emotionally to them. We pray for families to teach their sons to be pure. We know this is very difficult in today’s society.
    Thank you for having a ministry that addresses these issues.

  84. This has been an enlightening letter and an equally enlightening thread of comments/responses.

    I am a gregarious, social woman, married, with 1 married daughter (30), 1 unmarried daughter (25) and 2 unmarried sons (28 & 19).

    We home-schooled through all of high school and asked alot of them by way of restraint and waiting upon exclusive relationships with the opposite gender. What we wholeheartedly encouraged was the enjoyment of a large circle of good friends (brothers and sisters, if you will) who were boys and girls, all of whom they were to treat with respect (assuming them to be gentlemen and ladies). Just as with all good friends, there would be times of social gathering and conversation, hopefully about one another’s interests and plans. Allowing others to share is important in having a good friendship. Praying for others’ needs and lives is important, investing your time in bringing them before God, which can cause you to care about what happens to them.

    We knew it would be better for our “kids” to have real friends who are boys and real friends who are girls than to have a string of temporary “boyfriends” or “girlfriends” (with “benefits” which should only be shared in marriage). God’s standard for brotherhood/sisterhood/friendship is so akin to the family relationship that a man or woman is likely to have invested sufficient time in the relationship to understand the true character of the other person – not just the outward features of their personality or their emotional needs – and enough time to talk about the important values which motivate and move one another. With God’s help, and accountability to others, a great friendship can meld quite naturally into a fine lifetime venture – the great marriage. If the man & woman never marry, they have still grown a friendship which is likely to last a lifetime, and have not dimmed it with regretted intimacies that were inappropriate outside of marriage.

    My oldest daughter has a fine, God-honoring husband and my unmarried children are working hard upon their relationships with the Lord and all those around them. Of course, this is no easy road, but we lift them up and encourage them in every way we can. They all know how much God wants them to enjoy life’s great pleasures while not having to deal, lifelong, with regrets from destructive, temporary indulgences. We all need each other and one another’s encouragement.

  85. Jonathan says:

    This has been an inspiring Blog to read. I am an 18 year-old Christian college student. I have never had a girlfriend or anything like that because I know that God has got a young Lady somewhere that He is preparing to be my spouse someday. It is sad to see other young Christian Men that I know who have Girlfriends and have had one or two previous Girlfriends , and yet they never seem to stay satisfied for long with one person.

    I was just exploring around on the internet today about various topics about Christian Character, and that is when I stumbled upon this webpage. This webpage has definitely made my day with this young Ladies email that has been posted.

    I am officially accepting the challenge to allow the Lord to direct me to my proper future spouse . I am also accepting the challenge to stay away from the women of the world ,and to only pay attention to the young Christian Ladies who are in the background dressed modestly and serving the Lord.

    To the young lady who wrote the Email that was posted online. Thank you for the Inspiring words. Your words are enough to strike right at the heart of the manner. Thank you and God bless.

  86. DM says:

    Christ-following audience (since I’m sure that the young author in question has ceased to vigilantly monitor this comments board),

    Many of the thoughts here (both praising her perspective and finding fault with it) have brought up good points. I think that generally she is more right than wrong in her understanding of the social dynamic of romance in the younger churched generation in English-speaking Western cultures.

    But, and speaking from the perspective of the type of guy that she claims to be looking for (young male, extremely flawed, redeemed by Christ, happens to also be waiting for marital love and brought up in a homeschooled, Christian conservative environment), I think that she is missing the big picture. You see, I don’t care if she conforms to a laundry list of expectations about her upbringing and preparation for being a stay-at-home wife and mother. If Christ has blessed her with such circumstances and parentage, then I will praise him for it, but it is not my primary concern. I want to know if her life is Gospel-centered – Note: this does not mean that she subscribes to a certain confession of doctrinal beliefs, or that she pays lip service to God and the church and even salvation, or that her spiritual pedigree and education are the highest in informed evangelical circles.

    I want to see that her abiding and unquenchable passion in life is the proliferation and manifested power of the good news that the Son of God redeems unworthy sinners from the horror of their own self-exaltation and transforms them for marriage with Himself for eternity. If that is right in her heart, then everything else falls into place.

    Philippians 1:6 “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

    Philippians 3:8-12 “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.”

    Pursue Christ. God will bring your husband (and my wife) when the time is right, not before.

  87. Moe says:

    To whoever wrote this letter:

    Miss, I’ll be clear and enphatic about a few points that I need to express you. Pay attention to the following and I hope you find it very encouraging in your search for your godly husband:

    – This comes from a very very conservative young man.

    – A lady like you, who makes all possible effort to remain decent, pure and keep her chastity has the perfect characteristics that I seek in a future wife.

    – I would NEVER choose a lady who does not desire and love God the way you do. As a couple of fellows say around, “that’s worth only for a night” and so, a woman who flirts or flaunts her body and all that could only obtain rejection and no respect from me. In fact, I enjoy being a tender gentleman to ladies that love God the way you do.

    – My current girlfriend is like that. She is my girlfriend because she is a lady who loves God before ANYONE including herself. Sometimes we as an unmarried couple struggle with keeping our desires for sex where it should stay (far away from our minds hehe), but my girlfriend loves the Lord and I do as well and we know that we will enjoy a lot when we marry. That is precisely one of the reasons why I’ll marry her!

    – A gentleman like me who loves God will only admit the type of lady that you describe to start a family. YOU are the type of lady that I would embrace, take care of, protect and love just as I do with my girlfriend.

    – Being a conservative man, I must admit that I feel attracted to beautiful ladies, with nice curves and all that. BUT!! The ones that really catch my attention and I feel VERY attracted to, are those who being beautiful, remain modest, holy, set appart to God, those who love God with all of their soul and heart and specially those who dress like a refined lady for God ;) and do not try to flaunt their bodies and appeal to your lust.




  88. Tiara says:

    Thank you for writing this! I feel this way a lot too. I am a 20 year old young women who LOVES God with all my heart, and seeking his direction for my life. I dress fashionably and still modestly, and have been told to have a very sweet disposition…. But I’ve wondered if the christian guys notice or care that us girls are desiring to stay pure till marriage (by the grace of God), and preparing ourselves for our future husband and motherhood. It does seem that SOME christian guys are drawn to girls that flaunt everything and are not serious about there relationship with God. It can be frustrating and baffling, because they beg girls to dress modestly, but show so much attention to girls who don’t. It then can become a cycle, where the girl who was dressing nice, starts showing more to get their attention… I admit I have regretfully done this a few times in the past. Like, by not pulling my top up right away when it came down, because I was craving that attention. But God showed me that His attention is what I needed to seek and what He thinks and says about me is fulfilling enough. Also, that my future love will find me, by seeking God, by the standards and Godly characteristics that he will appreciate and cherish about me……..The comments by Moe, Johnathan, Gabriel, Brian, Micheal (especially), and many other guys that wrote really encouraged me. It helped me see that there are guys out that are serious about God, care about a girl’s heart toward God, and are waiting for their future bride…..

    ~I pray that God will give us wisdom and patience concerning finding/meeting our future spouse, and that we will listen to the tug of the holy spirit if we are desiring, chasing after, or wearing something that is not right. And that we will not faint but run this race wholeheartedly toward the mark of the prize which is in Christ Jesus! and if someone does trip and fall, we will show compassion, love, and help them up. I also pray that we will use our time wisely, especially during this time of singleness, and trust God to fulfill every desire of our heart that lines up with His perfect plan for our lives!! In Jesus name, Amen..

    -Philippians 3: 13-14
    -Proverbs 3: 5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take.”

  89. Samuel says:

    Thank you for writing this. It is very encouraging to hear from Christian young ladies who are so serious about their relationship with Jesus Christ.

    I go to a school in which the boy/girl relationships are very undesirable. The conduct of these girls is exactly what you described. Thank you for providing such a refreshing perspective. Continue to stand strong in the Lord. You will never regret the path you have chosen.

    May God richly bless you as you as you continue to follow his steps.

    An encouraged young man

  90. Daniel says:

    As a guy, I’m on the other side of this equation and it doesn’t look any better. Its seems impossible to find a single Christian girl my age that shows any real interest in God. Where are these girls you speak of? It seems that they all get snapped up in there sophomore year of high school and get married shortly after turning 18.

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