February 1, 2010 by Stacy McDonald
Me First!
Then said Jesus unto his disciples, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” (Matthew 16:24-25)
God’s ways are not our ways (Is. 55:8). So, sometimes we have a hard time grasping biblical truths. Christ’s love is a pure, endless, and sacrificial kind of love, while ours tends to be self serving and limited—at least when lived out in the flesh. Godly love is foreign to our carnal minds. That’s why we must walk in the Spirit.
Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. (Galatians 5:16-17)
Denying ourselves. Preferring others. Dying to self. Sounds dour and grim; doesn’t it? But we have it so backwards! Our culture puts such a huge focus on putting ourselves first. “What’s in it for me?” “What will I get out of it?” “I deserve more.” These are common attitudes of the world—but Christians are supposed to walk in truth. And the truth is, without Christ, all any of us “deserve” is hell (John 3:18). We would do well to remember that. If the King of kings suffered a humiliating death on a cross for the likes of me, how can I dare live like I “deserve better?
Now, putting someone else’s needs or wants before our own may feel foreign and unnatural—that’s because, in a very real way it is. But Jesus said, we’re to live for others. He said that “whoever loses his life for [His] sake would find it.” (Matthew 16:25). Jesus wants us to follow the model He provided for us. To lay down our lives—not just in a dramatic scene of martyrdom, but in the day to day sacrifices of love and servanthood.
Whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many. Matthew 20:27-28
Jesus is our model of love and sacrifice. Here’s the thing. Jesus said the greatest commandment was for us to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, and mind. And the second He said was to love our neighbor as ourselves. Now, we obviously don’t have to be taught how to love ourselves, do we? We’re very, very good at that.
Pain is a good example. When I’m in pain, nobody is more aware of it than me. If I have a migraine, I may search out a dark room, or take medication. And I certainly don’t forget to pray! I am totally focused on trying to avoid that pain.
And if I’m hungry, my thoughts are on satisfying my hunger. I don’t forget to eat for a few days because I’m busy. But I might forget to bring a meal to someone who could use it.
I am naturally inclined to love myself – to take care of my own needs. But Jesus wants me to be supernaturally inclined to the needs of others. To go against what comes natural to my flesh—to die to self and serve others. To love others supernaturally – the way we love ourselves naturally. We live in a world that wants to turn the Gospel upside down.
His name is above all other names. He alone is worthy to be praised; yet, often His name is slandered in the streets because of our failure to do things His way. Though we are to walk in the Spirit, we choose instead to do what comes easy—to do what comes natural. We live a “me first” life. But we have a higher calling. In all we do, we are to glorify God—reflecting His love and holiness; so that His name is hallowed in us before the eyes of those who do not know Him.
And I will sanctify My great name, which has been profaned among the nations, which you have profaned in their midst; and the nations shall know that I am the Lord,” says the Lord God, “when I am hallowed in you before their eyes. (Ezekiel 36:23, NKJV)
So, my challenge to you today is this. Spend the day focusing on the needs of others—purposely. Even in the simple things. When you feel the urge to have a cup of tea, offer it to those around you first. Live as a deliberate servant— look to see what others may need and earnestly seek to meet those needs. Ask someone how you might pray for them, how you might help them with a physical need, or how you might encourage them—just out of the blue. Don’t wait for a phone call—ask. Step out of your comfort zone and look for ways to serve. Live the supernatural life.
Remember, we are one Body. Let’s live like it.
“There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling;” (Ephesians 4:4)
“That there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.” (1 Corinthians 12:25-26)
I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” (Matthew 25:36-40)
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13 Responses to “Me First!”
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Well say! I love this post!!!
It's so rare to read a post that is not *all about me*. I find that Christianity and our culture sometimes get tangle so much that we can't make out that is the World and what is the Truth!
I've read so may book written by well meaning Christian women that tell is that if we put ourselves first them we could be serving others. BE selfish in other to be a better person is the message I get from it!!!
I love your approach of being selfless. Thanks for sharing this post!
Blessing
Renee
I think sometimes it is difficult for me as I have normal selfish tendencies, but I also tend to not take care of myself at all. How do you get a good balance of not totally abusing yourself and not being selfish?
I was wondering if it would be Ok for me to link this post and your blog from my blog?
I feel very passionate about this topic and would love me readers to be able to read your post and let God change their heart and mind.
If you have any objection or you would be ok for me to share you could reach me via email at harryandrenee@gmail.com
Thanks
Renee
Stacey, have you been peeking into my windows? listening at my keyholes??
Cuz, you know what I have been personally convicted of lately? Asking my children to do things for me that I really can do for myself… for example when we are sitting around reading or perhaps watching a movie, I might ask one of them to get up and get me a drink of water. Why am I asking them? What I should be doing is getting up to get my own drink of water, and asking if I can get anything for them while I am in the kitchen. *gulp*
Of course I'm not saying that I should serve my children ceaselessly, and that they should never be called upon to serve me (and other family members!) But rather that I should take care that my own behavior is modeling the kind of behavior and attitudes I want to see in them. The funny thing is that the more I serve them, the less selfish they become.
God's way is always best?
Ouch! Stacy, why do you dig at our consciences like that? Why can't I be first? [just kidding, of course]
There is a song we used to sing with kids, "Jesus, Others, and You – What a wonderful way to spell JOY."
It's not that we are left out, having no place at all in the "JOY" equation. The point is about who has first place in our lives?
The song ends up with "'Y' is for you in whatever you do, Put Jesus first and spell 'JOY'".
Martha A., I'm wondering if talking about those things that weigh on you with your family would help? Sometimes our husbands or our children don't know how to help or even that we are struggling. Sometimes we "stuff" our feelings and those around us don't even know that we're having a hard time let alone what they can do for us. Sometimes it is hard to ask for help – at least for me. I like to "do it all" myself, and that is not always a good thing.
Sometimes, we bite off more than we can chew, too, and we need to cut back – to pear down our schedules so that we do have time to do important things like think and breathe!
I don't know if that's what you're driving at, Martha, but I tend to not communicate what I need and to be too independent. As the years have flown by, I have had to accept that I am not Wonder Woman and I can't do it all. Of course I never was, but maybe you know what I mean. I have hit a wall or two of physical limitations, for one thing.
Persuaded, I think that you make some good points! Thank you.
Stacey,
This post is so true, yet it is so difficult. I was raised an only child and therefore, I have grown-up with selfish tendencies. I am still struggling today to deal with them by trying to focus on others needs and not just my own, but it's not an easy road to travel. This is especially true when you have low self-esteem/depression issues.
At any rate, thank you for sharing this wonderful post. I really enjoyed reading it.
~Mrs. Lady Sofia~
Stacy,
Beautifully said. So very convicting! I was reading that and thinking.. yes.. this is exactly what I have been trying to teach my children for the last several weeks, why can't they get it… and then… Persuaded… I read your words and gulp… there was the conviction!
Children are influenced by what they are around and involved in. As a stay-at-home homeschooling mom, that influence, SIGH, is me! If my children are not demonstrating servants hearts, it's high time I take a look in the mirror and make sure that I am demonstrating what I am expecting!
Thanks, Stacy, for the reminder of selflessness.
Thanks, Stacy.
This makes me think of depression, the centeredness of self. When there's a terrible sore, like a postule or boil on the skin, the entire being is aware of it. It's furiously red, inflamed, and the entire area around it is reddened and painful as well. In the past, if I've had one on my shoulder or arm, it would come to the point where my whole arm hurt just to move and I couldn't lie comfortably because of the inflicted spot; the rest of my body was weakened by it and even seemingly small in comparison to that one nasty inner wound rupturing on my skin. Depression's like this: one deep area of pain hurts everything around it and harms the entire being. When I went into a deep depression last year after the first anniversary of Heath Ledger's death, it was remarkable to me how everything was touched by the pain; my entire world was veiled in tears and nothing revived me. I used to think that deep sadness would help me relate more to others, but it wasn't true, not during the actual depression; I couldn't rouse myself to care about or take on anything else because my own sorrow was so great. I learned that depression closes the door to empathy, not opens it. I started taking anti-depressants for the first time, and a good thing; just two months after I got out of it, our beloved dog died, followed by my aunt. I didn't recede into another depression like the one before, but I'm still weakened sometimes because of the losses and it can manifest itself unexpectedly, in different ways; I've always been sensitive about others' pain, and am more so now. This post made me think of all these things because God's children are a body, and the entire body can be inflicted by the centered pain of one part, just as one inflamed part of the human body affects the whole being.
I just hope my own sadness will never hold me back from empathy and exploration; when I was a young teen and read some tragic horror tales, my mother told me my youth made me more able to bear such things and that age would change this. It has, but I hope it won't completely. I pray that I'll never, never be too weakened by sadness to listen to others' stories; that I'll never put up my hand to someone else's tale, whether real or fiction in a book, and say "Please, no more, I have too much sadness of my own to hear anyone else's." In this way, I want my heart to be forever young, never wizened with grief and unable to venture and explore further. May God keep our heart flesh satisfied, revived into youth again by His spiritual Water.
That does help to talk about it sometimes. I don't want to say it like I am a very unselfish person….but I hate putting people out. I have had to tell my children, "No, this is my food, I am going to eat it." and felt so horrible because it felt selfish, but if I did not do that, I found I skip eating and then I cannot take care of my family.
"all any of us “deserve” is hell (John 3:18). . . If the King of kings suffered a humiliating death on a cross for the likes of me, how can I dare live like I "deserve better?"
This, for me, is the bottom line. When I remember what Christ has forgiven in me, the wicked selfishness that's in me, how easy it is to show the same grace to others. It's when I forget all that I've been forgiven, all the grace and mercy I've been shown, that I focus on my own selfish desires.
What a gift our children are to free us from our selfishness!
Well, Martha, it would be selfish on your part if you were to eat all the food and not give your children any. If they get the portion that they need, and you have your portion, how is that selfish?
They can eat something else if they need a snack, can't they?
Selfishness has to do with taking more than what you need, taking everything and not sharing at all, enjoying food in front of people and not sharing when they have nothing, and so forth.
It is not selfish for a mother to do what she needs to do in order to be more effective. That would include eating one's own food!
Maybe they are too young to understand? If not, they should be able to be reasoned with.
Do you need to eat more often than 3 times a day? My husband has to eat every 2 hours or so.
I don't know. It doesn't sound selfish to me to eat what you need to eat in order to function properly.
Martha,
That is a false guilt. During my last few pregnancies I had to eat every two hours to keep my blood sugar balanced. Also, I couldn't eat much at any meal without feeling bloated, so small frequent meals were the key. I remember asking my husband to have a talk with the children because I found myself avoiding eating because every time I'd have a snack "everyone" thought they needed to eat.
When children are small you just have to explain to them that this is Mommy's food. Mommy feeds you what you need to bless you and to make you strong and healthy; and right now, Mommy needs to eat so that she can be strong enough to take good care of you.
That's not selfishness, Martha. Also, teaching children to have self control and to not "beg" is a good thing too.
Finding a balance between taking care of our self and being selfless can be done only by keeping our eyes fix on what is eternal and not the here and now.
we have to remember who is the giver of our strength, rest and peace. Only God is able to fulfill all of our needs.
Do I mean, we should never sleep, eat or have pleasure, not at all. God does want us to sleep, eat and enjoy His blessing, self denial is not to be misunderstood for being miserable.
Refusing all comfort will not make us more holy, but depending on God will make us happy.
God as given us mothers a sacred calling, we have to choose to embrace it and not forgetting surrender all our needs to Him daily, letting God change your heart and mind trough His word.
Renee