February 8, 2010 by Stacy McDonald
Closed, Conceited, or Conquering
Yesterday, my husband preached a powerful sermon that brought to life for me an important truth of the dominion mandate.
I’m one that likes what is familiar. I resist change. This has become more evident, the older I’ve become. Once I find something I am happy with, I can’t imagine why I should introduce something new. Last year, when I learned how to use an iphone, it shocked my whole family! Especially, since I had yet to learn how to use our regular cell phone!
We like what we know. Why try a new kind of coffee when I am perfectly content with what I’m drinking now? I am irritated with the make up company who discontinued my lipstick color. I argue with the hairdresser who wants me to update my hairstyle and grow out my bangs (the nerve!). I like what I know. I like what I’m comfortable with.
These things may not be a big deal when you’re talking about hairstyles or lipstick; but, when it comes to the relationships in our lives, it is a very big deal. Having moved from the suburbs of Southeast Texas to country living in Central Illinois, our family discovered we had comfort zones we didn’t even know know we had.
There were certain elements of the culture here in the Midwest that were somewhat foreign to us – food, weather, clothing, dialect. Even though we speak the same language, we often attach different meanings to the words we use. It gave us only a small taste of what missionaries must experience as they attempt to communicate in a foreign culture.
Even the general personalities seemed to differ. Where I’m from, it is common to talk to strangers in the grocery store. “Can you believe the price of these avocados?” “Have you ever used this in your gumbo?” or “How many pounds of shrimp do you think I’ll need to feed 25 people?”
I remember once, an older black lady stopping me in the grocery store when William (who was an absolute chunk) was about 6 months old. She stopped her cart, looked William up and down, and said in a charming southern drawl, “MMMMM….mmmmm! That is one juicy baby!” We all laughed together and agreed that was a good description of him. Strangers talked to each other – going to the grocery store was a social experience.
But, we’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto. One of my first visits to an Illinois grocery store proved this. When I made a comment about the canned goods to the stranger shopping across the aisle, the startled woman stared at me for a moment; and then looked around to see who I might be talking to. When she realized I was indeed talking to her, she began to walk away as if I was some sort of lunatic. I learned fast that people here don’t generally carry on conversations with complete strangers in the grocery store.
I realize I’m being a little broad; and there are no doubt some Midwesterners who would be happy to chat with me in the grocery store. I’m only using this example to describe our immediate impressions of the general culture here.
Family cultures, regions, and people groups are all different, though the individuals in them are all one people. I grew up in the very diverse suburbs of Houston, Texas. The area where I lived was the melting pot of the south. Growing up, the color of someone’s skin meant absolutely nothing to me. We probably had a representative of every nation in the world in my graduating class. I knew about racism, but it was always something that happened “somewhere else.”
We enjoyed, appreciated, experienced, and valued the differences in various family cultures; and, while we may have preferred our own family culture, we never devalued the (non-sinful) traditions and characteristics of others. It wasn’t until moving here that I realized “the south” had a stereotypical reputation for racism. This seemed incredible, since it was such a foreign concept to me. But I soon came to realize it’s often those who have seldom been around other cultures, who focus the most on their differences.
While I realize true racism exists (regardless of skin color), to me, a sanctimonious, hyper focus on “race” is a lot more “racist” than simply openly recognizing that we are different, and appreciating and valuing those differences (even when we have the same color skin!). I think it’s important to realize that our differences rarely have anything to do with our skin color and everything to do with the culture we grew up in and hold dear.
Sin comes when we think too highly of our people; when the color of someone’s skin hinders, in any way, our efforts toward friendship; and when our discomfort with a culture we are unfamiliar with keeps us from having honest, real, close relationships.
I’ve come to realize that bigotry has less to do with “race” and more to do with arrogant comfort zones – we like what we know. We like what resembles us. We like our circle of friends because they think like us, they look like us, they know what we mean when we say it, and well, they’re comfortable. It takes more work to get to know someone who is different than us, and often we simply don’t want to expend the effort.
We love the people here in the Midwest and have made many dear friends. We have also grown to appreciate their unique culture. We’ve learned (some of) the dialect, and we even kind of like the snow (minus the icy roads). And in an effort to be kind to our friends, we’ve toned down our spicy foods. Our family has adopted some of their customs and they’ve learned some of ours. The differences decrease (or seem to) when relationship increases.
As you listen to this sermon, consider the fact that we are not only to bear children for God’s glory, but we are to go out and make disciples of all the nations. We want the whole “earth to be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord (Hab. 2:14)!” We are all “one race.” When we were scattered, God gave us diversity to keep us from cloistering together like we love to do so much.
But as the Gospel is spread, and the nations are converted, over time, some of our differences may diminish. And that’s ok. God is sovereign. He scattered; He can bring together again. And at that point, the unique differences that remain between us will so reflect the “culture of Heaven” that it will finally not matter to us, other than to stand as a testimony of God’s creativity and providence.
Every nation, every tribe, every people, every tongue (Rev. 7:9). This is the promise of the Gospel. This is the promise of the dominion mandate. The division that happened in Genesis with the Tower of Babel will eventually be overcome by the power of the Gospel. It’s part of the redeeming work of Christ—it’s part of our restoration. Sin separated us—Grace unites us (Gal. 3:28). - James McDonald
You can listen to the sermon HERE
and download the application guide HERE
Or, for more on the topic of race and our unity in Christ, click HERE
“Till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.” (Ephesians 4:11-16)
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29 Responses to “Closed, Conceited, or Conquering”
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Your comments on racism are interesting and a bit discomforting. As a child of a small, predominantly white town (of the sort one finds so often in the Midwest), I was not exposed to the kind of diversity you appear to have enjoyed when you were in the South. Now that I am in college, I am learning about diversity, and I truly appreciate the opportunity to meet people who are not like me, because I can learn so much from them.
Thanks for the reminder to consider my attitudes towards others. :)
-Anna09
Good word Stacy. We have no problem with different skin colors at all, but we are finding it very hard to adapt to living in the Midwest.
Stacy, growing up in a predominately hispanic city I"m ashamed to admit I saw a lot of it with my own ethnic group. Now that we live in Asia, I see racism between tribal groups as well as for foreigners. It's painful to those who have their eyes wide open to it and to those it is bestowed upon. Christians are without excuse should it exist in them. As we draw near to our creator our differences should also diminish. Thank you for this necessary topic. In Christ service, Celina Henderson.
Thanks for taking the time to put together a post with these thoughts. It is helpful to consider the necessity of placing relationship over difference and discomfort. I hope to listen to your husband's sermon next week.
As a white mommy to 3 black children and 1 Hispanic teen, this is a topic close to my heart. What we have noticed is that those who go out of their way to say "African American" are showing their discomfort just as much as those who describe others by their race first. When we first adopted, our bio children called their African siblings "brown". My African son got upset. He said: I'm not brown! I'm black!
On a semi-unrelated note, I love the app guide! What a great way to include the kids in the sermon. I just forwarded it to my pastor. :D
Stacy, Thank you for sharing! Your words brought back to mind our family's visit to Texas and the number of stories we came home with–strangers talked to us at the grocery store, the gas station, the rest stop… How, well, *strange*! :)
As I studied Spanish in high school and beyond, I fell in love with the Hispanic culture. So when this Godly man named Fernando came along, I was lost!
In our multi-ethnic home, we speak about cultural or ethnic differences, as opposed to race. After all, we are all descended from Adam and Eve. It's important that our sons understand that their Mexican father and Caucasian mother are different only in the fact that they grew up in different cultures.
Thanks for sharing your perspective on this somewhat touchy topic! Love, Christine Soto
Ginger,
That is interesting. I am still wondering why the term "African American" is even used, since not all black people are from Africa. There are many, many white people who are truly African Americans, but I doubt they can use that term on govt. paperwork.
What's wrong with just saying black? I don't say I am French American or Lebanese American, though I have both of those nationalities in my family line (along with many others! LOL). Why do we have to be politically correct? If I were black, I would refuse to use that term.
Christine,
That is a very important point. The whole "race" idea is born out of Darwinism. Isn't it interesting the FULL name of Dawin's "Origin of Species?" The subtitle is: On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life.
I guess we can all figure out what Darwin's "favored race" was. If we weren't all of the same "race" we wouldn't be able to reproduce. God designed that all living creatures would reproduce with their "own kind." There isn't a dog around that can reproduce with a cat. Nor a fish that can reproduce with a turkey.
I think it makes perfect sense that after the Tower of Babel we were scattered (because of our rebellion). God didn't want them cloistering in one place – He had commanded them to go out and fill the earth!
Now that Jesus has come, we are to go out and "make disciples of all the nations." As the Gospel expands, it makes sense that those differences that were so necessary in the beginning will become less and less necessary.
You see this as missionary families over the centuries have gone into different regions and integrated with the people.
Some folks think that is a "bad thing." They say the different people groups are losing their culture. But I have to wonder if that is actually the plan. As the Gospel expands, what God separated, He will now unite!!! We are One Body after all. And Jesus has only one Bride!
I, too avoid using the term races and racism. First of all, we are all one race-the human race. Secondly, the terms are very overused in America today, even thrown around carelessly which diminishes true bigotry which DOES need to be addressed.
I live in the Northeast and there is a form of ethnic bigotry up here because certain members of certain cultures and ethnic groups seem to set themselves apart into a subculture of welfare, drugs, gangs and crime.
That being said, not everyone of those cultures and ethnicities are blanketed in. Most people here do recognize someone who tries to live a decent life and shuns the subculture, even if they happen to have to live in the midst of it.
There is also a subculture of "white trash" (for lack of a better term) that is looked down upon, so I'm not sure if you could call what goes on here bigotry or simply an intolerance for the abuse of welfare, the drugs, the crime, the laziness, the trashing, etc than any ethnic group may engage in.
I am originally from the New York City area, and have been a military wife and lived all over the world. We are now located in the upper midwest, and yes, it is very different living here, moreso than any other place I have lived.
Back in New York, you can chat with a stranger in a store, just like you said, and nobody thinks anything about it. Our children were pretty-much raised here in the midwest, though, and cannot get over how back in New York, "random people will talk to you in a store".
Here in the midwest, I was in WalMart and saw a HUGE can of hairspray for $21 and couldn't get over it. There was a man standing next to me and I said, "Can you get over the size of this can of hairspray…and the price??!!"
He looked offended, and his wife, across the aisle, came running over to see who was talking to her husband. I slunk away, muttering, "I just thought it was an awfully big can of hairspray!" They just glared at me.
But, we have adjusted to living here. We have also learned that the word "different" when used to describe something, means it is bad.
Yes, the people are also ethnically-challenged.
But, overall, we like it here and have decided to be permanent. The people are even-tempered, if not talkative, and get along with each other well, for the most part.
I refuse to call myself African-American. We are not from Africa and we don't see the point. In my humble opinion, this hyphenated Americanism is at the root of most of our political problems.
As for the rest of your post, I loved your thoughts. Clinging to our security blankets and camping out in our comfort zones is incompatible with spreading the gospel.
Stacy-
I LOVED this post! So interesting!
I grew up in Pekin (not too far from where you live!),spent a year as a foreign exchange student in Germany, and then went to college/nursing school…But by FAR the hardest adjustment I have ever had in my life was marrying my husband and moving to a very small, rural farm town about 35-plus miles north of Peoria, and running into the huge cultural differences here compared to anywhere else I have ever lived in my life. Small, rural farm towns very much have their own set of unwritten rules and, believe me, I have really stood out as being "different", in more ways than one, over the years! Probably the worst mistake (in the eyes of those we went to church with and were friends with here in this town) my husband and I ever made was to homeschool our children. We faced a TREMENDOUS amount of opposition from the people at our church. In a small town, literally everyone is somehow connected to the local school, and it is considered a real insult to somehow insinuate that the local school isn't "good enough" for you. I find that this small town is a very closed society, and that it's very difficult for an outsider to ever really feel like they fit in. I have learned that relationships and ties to people go back for generations, and that any new ideas (and that would be just about anything that is suggested by someone not from there) are viewed as sort of "stupid", even though they would never say it to your face. My impression is that people think, "We've always done it this way. Why in the world would you want to change it??!". And my impression is also that they really and truly think their little town is the center of the universe, and that there isn't anywhere else in the world that's as good as here! Even after 21 years of marriage and living here, I can't say that I feel like I am a part of the rural/smalltown culture, or that I really "get" living here. I am still viewed as a newcomer by many people here. And honestly, I have always tried to be kind, friendly, respectful and cordial to everyone that I've met, so I don't think my experiences have come as a result of me having an "attitude", or a chip on my shoulder. I am thankful for the good experiences I have had here, but I can honestly say that I don't think I would miss it if we were ever able to move. We went to Texas a few years ago and had a ball there, and found it to be very friendly, just like you say. (And my 19 year old son, who is a hot sauce fanatic, loved the food!) I don't think you are imagining things here!
Susan
PS- I love the comment about your "juicy" baby! :-)
Stacy, I loved that juicy baby comment. I live in So. Cal and we barely make eye contact with the cashier. I plan to move to Texas soon, so I hope people won't see me as being rude. I hope I can brush up on my people skills!
Stacy, I really enjoyed this post! We don't live too far from you (Chicago area) and this is a topic dear to my heart… My husband is a bi-racial church planter and our two adopted boys are what I guess you'd consider "tri-racial", lol. We are just a bunch of beautiful colors that make up one blessed family! Thanks for the post :o) ~ Jaime G
I love the Southern Hospitality we receive where we live! I am originally from up North, and while there are tons of kind, caring, lovely folks up north, there is a reason people have put those two words together- Southern and Hospitality. We are preparing to move back north and I am hoping to bring some of that hospitality with me! (even if they stare at me strangely)
Blessings,
Lacey
Stacy, thank you so much for this! I appreciate your sharing your family's adjustment to the Midwest-it is encouraging to me as we struggle to live here in Montana after being die-hard, deep-south southerners!!LOL!! Blessings to your family! Kim
Oh yes, I know exactly what you are talking about here! I am originally from New York like Civilla who posted before me and lived there for the first 10 years of my life. We then moved to Michigan and I have made my home here now.
After 31 years, it is STILL an adjustment to the mid-west way of things. At first everything here was just a little too homogenous for me. I still feel more comfortable in the melting pot that is NY. I love to go back there and visit my family. People will talk to you easily there, I miss that. Not so much in Michigan. Everyone is more guarded here for whatever reason (I'm sure it's regional/cultural).
I learned very quickly to shed my NY accent because it was different (I refuse to say pop for soda, though — lol). My very first impression as a 10 year old 5th grader was shock that everyone in the school was white — literally everyone. I was used to black, white, hispanic, Jewish, Christian, etc. in NY.
Anyway, it's not all bad and I've come to understand the midwest culture. However, my first experiences here as a young girl serve as a reminder that when I come across someone or something that is different or from another state or country, to reach out to them.
I did a presentation on homeschooling (as part of a senior project) to a group of about 100 freshmen. Afterward, I took several questions, and one of the themes I saw running through them was a worry that homeschoolers weren't "exposed" enough to people who were different from them. It was hard to answer questions like that, as it's really up to the parents! I think your post is a good reminder to the homeschooling community that "different" (not sinful) is okay, and to try and make a point to not just run in circles with people who are just like us–even though that might be the most comfortable thing!
Whatever our ethnic background or socio-economic status is, we are all created in the image of God.
From the well-dressed church lady to the family on welfare we are His creation. Some have gotten lost in drug use, some are poor through no fault of their own. "White Trash" is as an offensive term to me as the other terms we use to refer to our fellow human beings.
I've met poor people with an incredible amount of dignity and high moral standards.
Christ died for sinners. It would do us all good to remember that.
Deborah,
I don't think Kate was trying to be offensive, and I don't think she was calling anyone "white trash."
The way I took it was that she was trying to differentiate between the way society sinfully looks down on someone for "who they are" (racism) or for "how they behave." For example, the gangster, violent, thieving, group is going to get a reputation, regardless of what color they are.
Yikes! Please publish this comment so Kate can read my apology.
I didn't have anyone at all in mind when I said that.
I was merely stating how I feel and did not realize that it could be taken as a defensive remark.
The last thing I want to do is offend anyone.
My apologies.
Welcome to the Mid-West, Stacy! I am a 'true Illinoisan', having been born and raised here my whole life, as is my husband. Our dream is for him to pastor a church somewhere down south- we love Southern people! There is a distinct difference in personality! Don't get me wrong, I love being a 'Northerner', but strive not to fit the mold. I try to be friendly to everyone in the stores! Sometimes it works, sometimes not. We Northerners are just too uptight for our own good! And while I am acclimated to our rough winters, they still get old sometimes. Look at the bright point- no bugs or spiders in winter! And I do hate spiders. So that is a perk. = )
I worked hard at getting rid of my N.Y. accent, Step! because everybody made fun of it when we became Army people. Now I wish I hadn't. It was part of who I was. I don't say "dawg" or "cawfee" any more.
It is very interesting to hear others describe your area of the country and what they perceive the people are like.
As New Yorkers, we find mid-westerners very silent, like I said, and unemotional and unenthused.
Once, however, we called a church back home which was affiliated with the denomination we were serving as pastors at the time, just to find out what it was like. I think we were homesick.
(Actually, we're from Long Island, and two boroughs of N.Y.C. — Queens and Brooklyn where my parents hail from — are on Long Island.)
Well, this pastor there in N.Y. was from Michigan! We asked him how he liked the N.Y.C. area and he said that it was a lovely area although expensive, but, THE PEOPLE!
He said, "They EXPLODE at one another, and then they're hugging each other five minutes later!"
We cracked up, because that's just about right. We'll talk to anybody in a store, but also tend to get in peoples' faces and get explosive. I do it on the blogs all the time and think nothing of it, because that's how I'm wired, only to find out that I've really offended somebody and have to go back and apologize.
We Americans should all be shaken up together in a hat and absorb each others' good traits and then we'd be perfect!
"As you listen to this sermon, consider the fact that we are not only to bear children for God's glory, but we are to go out and make disciples of all the nations."
Respectfully, everywhere you go there are good and bad people. What does the above quote have to do with the attitude of people in different parts of the country?
If Paul had children he would not have had the time to travel, preach and write most of the new testament. God uses the childless in his plan.
If you want to make diciples of all the nations then stop this legalism because you will be accountable for all the people you will turn away.
I am also requesting that you some of ladies who post on this blog apologize to Jennifer. Even if you feel she needs correction, most importantly she worships and loves Jesus first. May I warn many of you ladies to becareful not to worship the family structure. Jesus said "I am the way to the Father and not to put anything else before Him.
Dear Georgia,
I have to ask, did you read the whole article? Did you listen to the sermon? If you did, I think your question would be answered. If we are working together as Christians, whether married or single, to entrench the Gospel into all the nations, our differences will slowly diminish.
As the Gospel expands, what God separated, He will now unite! We are One Body after all. And Jesus has only one Bride!
If God has ordained singleness for someone’s life, then He clearly has a plan to use them that way. I think you must have missed the point.
Interesting that you brought up legalism; I just wrote about this recently. http://yoursacredcalling.blogspot.com/2010/01/legalism-yours-mine-and-ours.html
You are right; putting anything before Jesus is sin. “Worshipping” the family is idolatry, just as worshipping any creation of God is idolatry.
God created the family and it is under fiery attack in our culture. Defending the good purpose of God’s creation is not idolatry.
The sermon will not download on my computer. Yes I read the whole article. I know you mean well and you are a nice lady but I disagree with you on many issues. Your view of christianity and mine are very different.
Stacy,
I refuse to use the term "African-American" when referring to my race/culture. For one thing, I believe that doing so would negate the totality of my ethnic heritage which includes Native American and white American, as well as African slaves in the South. Moreover, I consider myself to be an American, period. The only one in my family who deserves the label "African-American" is my husband whose parents immigrated from Ghana, West Africa some 30 years ago. However, even he considers himself to be more American than African because he grew up entrenched in American culture, lifestyle, and values.
Bravo to you, Stacy, for having the courage to tackle this issue! Perhaps if more of us were willing to have open and sincere dialogue about race and culture, especially within the body of Christ, then we would be better equipped to reach those outside of our circle for His glory!
I think many do fear that everyone being Christian would be "the same". Not true! The Christian writers I like are some of the most diverse people I've come across.
Hi, Georgia,
How are you doing?
Georgia:
If you want to make diciples of all the nations then stop this legalism because you will be accountable for all the people you will turn away. >>>>
Georgia, I have been away. What legalism are you talking about? Can you be specific?
Georgia:
I am also requesting that you some of ladies who post on this blog apologize to Jennifer.>>>>
Again, it would be helpful if you were specific. Who should apologize to Jennifer and for what?
When the Holy Spirit brings conviction, He is specific. Look at the example of the prophet Nathan when God sent him to rebuke David, or any of the Biblical examples of Holy Spirit conviction.
So, if you want to give an effective message, you need to give specific examples of what you are talking about. You may not want to name names, but what about concepts or statements that you find to be offensive?
Georgia:
Even if you feel she needs correction, most importantly she worships and loves Jesus first.>>>>
We all need correction. I do not doubt Jennifer's love of Jesus. She is a valued participant on this blog, is an interesting person, and she writes very well, often making good observations.
Georgia:
May I warn many of you ladies to becareful not to worship the family structure. >>>>
Who worships the family structrue? I have heard that accusation made against some, but what do you mean? It seems to be a straw man argument to me, since I know of no Bible – believing Christian who teaches or promotes the worship of the family structure.
If you mean that people can make idols out of anything, – even good things, – then that is true and I would tend to agree.
Don't you need a similar warning against idolatry, Georgia? It is a tendency of the human heart to make idols that replace our dependence on God. May I warn you, too, that you are just as susceptible to temptation in that area as the "many of you ladies" you are addressing in your statement.
Georgia:
Jesus said "I am the way to the Father and not to put anything else before Him.>>>>>
Are you accusing some of idolatry? Are you saying that some are not believers? What are you saying?
Georgia, you may be saying things that "many of you ladies" need to hear, but it is a message that you also need to preach to yourself, IMO. God must be speaking to you about idolatry, or you would not have brought it up to a group of ladies you don't even know.
1 Corinthians 10:14
Wherefore, my dearly beloved, flee from idolatry.
God bless,
Mrs. Webfoot