January 15, 2010 by Stacy McDonald
"One Way"
“Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is man’s all. For God will bring every work into judgment, including every secret thing, whether good or evil.” (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14)The following question is from my friend, Sarah Mae, who commented on the article, Legalism: Yours, Mine, and Ours, posted the other day. I thought I’d share our exchange here:
So, how do you explain your convictions to others while exhorting them to live biblically without seeming legalistic? If we say, “These are my convictions,” then people say, “That’s right, they’re your convictions, not mine.” But, if we say, “These are my convictions – look at God’s Word,” people say, “You are putting your convictions on me.”
Ahhhh…how do you walk this line? I have friends, who are faithful Christians, who think my husband and I are on the legalistic side b/c of our views on daughters staying home and not going off to college, home educating, etc. I want to urge people in these best things that we have been convicted of without saying, “You are sinning if you don’t do these things.” I mean, if we say, “this is right,” then we are automatically saying someone else is sinning, right? Help!
Sarah Mae
Good question, Sarah. This is something I’ve contemplated a lot over the last few years. Depending on what we’re talking about, we can’t all be right. It’s that whole relativism thing. Scripture is our only standard. Truth is not relative. However, clearly, many of us study the Bible and still come to different conclusions on certain things.
[Note: I am not talking about the basic tenets of the Christian faith (orthodoxy); instead, here, we are discussing how that orthodoxy is lived out, or practiced (orthopraxy).]
Sometimes it’s simply a matter of remembering that the way we live out the same convictions may look a little different from family to family. I think what matters more is what we do with that – how do we treat others who disagree?
There are those who have accused me of legalism because of various things I’ve written, and I’ve had to seriously consider whether or not there was any truth to what they said. I don’t want to go beyond Scripture and I don’t want to pretend to have all the answers; but, I do like to think and contemplate and debate things to see where it all pans out. And sometimes people don’t like that.
I like to hear my reader’s thoughts, so that I can compare them to Scripture to see if anything I believe or teach is off. God has taught me many things this way over the years, and at times revealed sin and error in my life – using both friends in person, and friends online.
But, here’s the rub. We’re called to study the Word, pray, and honestly and faithfully live out, and share, what God has taught us. We can’t hide behind the fear of man. Obviously, there are many teachers teaching very, very different things on various issues, and we can’t all be right. We are weak, fallible creatures living out each day by faith as He enables us. Like one reader commented, this is where forbearance comes in. We need to remember that we’re on a journey together.
I appreciate very much someone who has studied a subject and comes to a different conclusion than I do, but who is willing to discuss it with me in love and humility – and I try to do the same, knowing that I could be wrong. But, if everyone is afraid to share what they believe because they’re afraid of being called a legalist, or because they’re afraid people will think they’re “shoving their beliefs down someone’s throat,” then we all lose.
By the grace of God, we should all be able to humbly share what we believe to be true, ever willing to be corrected by the Word of God.
I came to many of my current convictions because I was challenged by bold believers who weren’t afraid to confront me with Scripture. I was sent to the Word to pray and to see if those things were so. I learned to study like a Berean (Acts 17:11).
And know that Satan’s purpose is to tear down, and not to build up, as the Word of God will do. Don’t be afraid of false accusations of legalism; God judges the heart of man. Fear Him alone. Live your life in love, walking in faith, confidence, and humility. But be careful with your words; always aware that some are yet unable to discern between the newness of the Spirit and the letter of the law.
“We should serve in the newness of the Spirit and not in the oldness of the letter.” (Romans 7:6)
Example: If you say that modesty is important, and that tight, revealing clothes draw the eye to things we shouldn’t, as Christians, bring attention to, there will be someone who will want you to describe exactly what you think is too short; exactly how tight is too tight; and exactly how much skin they can show before “you” call it a sin.
In some cases, it’s a trap; they don’t really care what you think. Their questions are meant to corner you. If they can push you up against a wall by coercing you to be overly specific with your version of how to live out a random truth – then they can cry, “Aha, legalism!” (Psalm 35:19-21) Don’t fall for it.
Other times, genuine Christians who really want to honor God, but may be weak in their faith, ask for a list of rules. They forget that sin is a heart issue, ultimately displayed outwardly in the flesh. Immodesty, like so many other sins, reveals itself in various ways. It can’t be cured with a specific list of “do nots.” It’s far too extensive of a problem for that.
Teach the truths you know to be true – truths backed up by Scripture. Know that there may be various ways to obey and live out a certain command, but there is only one truth. And please remember the royal law must reign supreme in the midst of teaching or debating anything (James 2:8). Keep in mind that patience and forbearance is the key. If some are still learning, we must remember that so are we! Let’s all seek to glorify God as brothers and sisters, loving one another, and continuing on in all we’ve been called to do.
“But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.” (2 Timothy 2:23-26)
So, Sarah, be a living testimony to your friends. Share what God has taught you. Explain what the Scriptures say, but don’t go beyond that. Share with them that this is your family’s humble attempt to obey God in the way He has revealed His truth to you. Let them know that your life is not “the way;” but, His is. For Jesus is “the way, the truth, and the life.” (John 14:6)
And in the midst of your sincere walk of faith, if your motives are judged as legalistic, consider Matthew Henry’s words:
“We should be very careful how we censure others, when we have to do with a Judge from whom we cannot conceal ourselves. Others do not lie open to our notice, but we lie all open to his…
“Though none of God’s servants can deserve any thing from him, though there be much that is blamable even in their best services, yet shall their fidelity be commended and crowned by him; and should they be condemned, reproached, or vilified, by their fellow-servants, he will roll away all such unjust censures and reproaches, and show them in their own amiable light.
“Christians may well be patient under unjust censures, when they know such a day as this is coming, especially when they have their consciences testifying to their integrity. But how fearful should they be of loading any with reproaches now whom their common Judge shall hereafter commend.” – Matthew Henry
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18 Responses to “"One Way"”
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Wonderfully put as usual, Stacy. You have such a gentle way of sharing wisdom.
Thank you so much for your gently and gracefully written article. Lots to pray and study :) May God continue to bless your ministry
Thank you Stacy. Very good.
I love SarahMae's questions. She is one who does come across as a gentle person, genuinely asking and very easy to talk with. She brings up some good thoughts here.
It is sometimes a difficult thing to explain your point of view, and I have had times when the person said they sincerely wanted to know, only to bombard me like a machine gun with opposing Scriptures that were really off-point to what I was trying to explain about what I believe. After asking one friend to please let me explain and not send more Scriptures to disprove me, she clammed up, stopped the discussion, ended the friendship, labeled me a legalist and started blogging away about legalism and false prophets… sigh… it happened so fast, I was lost in shock.
SO, all that to say that some don't want to hear, they want to tell, and your understandings don't matter, so you DO have to be strong in them but gentle in your approach. And sometimes, gentleness and love get turned away too.
It is all a learning process though. I believe we need to know what we stand on, how to stand and stand in love.
Thanks for your discussion. It is a line to walk, but at least we have the instruction on how to walk it.
blessings~
Stacey,
An excellent question. A lady who stops at our homestead regularly for eggs asked me what denomination i was and i said, 'Presbyterian' . She was disappointed and said, "Oh, i thought you were someone cool, like Mennonite!" People do notice the way the ladies dress and unsaved person is not bothered by it. However, the Christian with dress, music, home education, being a stay-at-home mom, head covering, is sometimes offended even if a word is not said.
These are convictions with me–not preferences and over the years we have seen very few understand or change . It has been a humbling journey–no one likes to be the 'odd-ball' but it is a great joy to be with others of like mind (as with this blog) and our family . The sweet fruit of obedience will come–first in my own heart and ,maybe, not even in my lifetime, but in others.
We've been fired from Christian school for our stand on music, had to go to another state to continue home education or lose our children, told that we would be happier in another church– all these were all life changing events because of our convictions. We have become battle weary. As i look back, i wish i had always been gentle.There were times i had to ask for forgiveness. More than anything else, God has been changing me and for this i rejoice. His Word has become so precious.
We continue to pray for God's working in my heart and the lives of others. I worship each week with many who do not share any of these convictions, but they are my dearest friends and we worship together around our covenant that says, i submit myself" in the spirit of love to the government and discipline of this church and seek the peace, purity and prosperity of this congregation".
I can do that we because we are one in Christ.
I pray that you, Stacey, and your readers that they will be encouraged.
Thank you so much – I think I will print this out! Love this line:
Let them know that your life is not “the way;” but, His is.
Yes!
As always Stacy, and encouraging word. :-)I believe that the one thing God has been working on me above all others over the last few years is the ability and *willingness* to extend grace toward those who believe (in orthopraxy) differently than we do. To look at their lives and see the love of Christ in them, and just love them as brothers and sisters in Christ. It has brought so much joy and peace into our lives because we can just love those around us and fellowship with them, without worrying about "likemindedness" ~ and what should that be anyway, but a love of the Lord and a desire to walk in His ways.
We live out what we believe and when given the opportunity, we share why we believe the things we believe, but I don't 'worry' about those around me and how they are living out their faith, because I see how much they love the Lord. And the Lord has shown me that even those who carry the same convictions are going to live them out differently than we do, just because we *are* different! What a creative, awesome God we serve!
Thank you for taking the time to think through these things and share your thoughts on them. As usual, I think you're spot on. :-)
Your blog is so encouraging, Stacy. I am not new to the Truth, but I am fairly new to some ways of living out the Truth more "conservatively," if you will. As I just graduated from a public university, it is so wonderful to come here and realize that my husband and I are not alone in our search for a more Scriptural lifestyle. This post was especially relevant, as it was something that God brought to my attention yet again this morning, only a few hours before reading it. Thank you for being a Titus 2 woman and "teaching the younger women"!
I thought SarahMae's question was a fantastic one. My feelings exactly. My husband and I have always been considered "legalistic" just because we encourage weekly attendance at church services, and caution against alcohol and immodest dress. But, yes, I think people want to trap you by making you be very specific so that you can be called a legalist. People have to make their own decisions about the things I mentioned, how much is too much.
You are right, too, about being convicted about something because some Christian was bold enough to say something. I have been convicted many times by a bold Christian. I may not have received what was said at first, but later came to realize they were right.
Many times the Holy Spirit convicts people by the righteous living of other Christians, as well as by the Word. But, sometimes it is not received at first. We do have to be gentle. Sometimes we overreact with others question us.
All of your commenters comments here were great ones. Stacy, this would be a good book, you know!
Also, as an "older lady" I have noticed a shift in standards of holiness among evangelicals/fundamentalists/pentecostals/reformed. What was ok 30 years ago, is not ok now, and vice versa. That brings confusion to us "older folks." The younger ladies end up teaching the older ones (the American way), and that isn't quite right, is it?
Amen!! I think that people often forget that being a Christian doesn't mean you're perfect…it simply means that we have asked Jesus to be our Savior – to shape us and mold us into His own image as we grow closer to Him. Being a Christian doesn't mean that we are without sin. We face the same temptations that others do. However, because God is bigger than anything in this world, when we surrender to Him we can rest assure that He is working on our hearts to make us more like Him! As our relationship with Him deepens, so does our desire to be what He wants us to be. Thank you for this post! It is very encouraging! :-)
Oh my, I could have written Sarah Mae's question almost word for word! I have been thinking a lot lately about how to explain my convictions to others with gentleness, but without falling into relativism (which is always a temptation for a peace loving, conflict avoiding person…like me).
I've been re-reading 9 Marks by Mark Dever and was reminded of this quote while reading your post.
"the closer we get to the heart of our faith, the more we expect to see our unity expressed in a shared understanding of the faith. The early church put it this way: in essentials unity, in non-essentials diversity, in all things charity."
Now, the tricky part for me is understanding which are essentials and which are not. Obviously, a biblical understanding of the gospel is at the core of "essentials". I struggle with just how essential issues such as modest dress, Christian education etc. really are (I'm not saying they aren't important, but wondering how strong a stance needs to be taken/argued when others don't agree).
For example, my husband and I were both saved as children but we both grew up in mostly non-Christian families and churches that were less than ideal. We were both public schooled. It has taken time to cut through the layers of bad teaching at nominal churches, the indoctrination of the public school system, feminism…the list goes on! I have never, ever claimed the label of feminist but only in the past six months have I really understood how it has (negatively) impacted my life. I've been blissfully married for 14 years, but last night there were things I needed to repent of that have taken years to understand, and then ask my husband's forgiveness.
I suppose what I am trying to say is that sanctification takes time :o) and hence the need for charity and gentleness with other believers…like me :o)
Amen!! I think that people often forget that being a Christian doesn't mean you're perfect…it simply means that we have asked Jesus to be our Savior – to shape us and mold us into His own image as we grow closer to Him. Being a Christian doesn't mean that we are without sin. We face the same temptations that others do. However, because God is bigger than anything in this world, when we surrender to Him we can rest assure that He is working on our hearts to make us more like Him! As our relationship with Him deepens, so does our desire to be what He wants us to be. Thank you for this post! It is very encouraging! :-)
I keep checking back on your blog hoping you have made another post! I enjoy your blog.
Thank-you for sharing this. I have had probelms recently with someone telling me I was "preachy and patronising" because I gave the scriptural view of what I believe and practice. As my husband reminded me, he's a preacher and that means he preaches GOD'S WORD and that's a good thing, so if someone thinks you are being preachy it probably means they just don't like what God's Word has to say about something. It doesn't mean I am doing something wrong (it made me paranoid about giving scriptural viewpoints on things!). He just reminded me to be careful how I say things, when I say things, and to warn a person, when they request my opinion or view, that "they make not like what I have to say, are you sure you want to hear it?" ! It is hard when people question you views when you are basing them on scripture, but as you mentioned, we are all on a journey, at different stages, and I need to continue to try and show grace in all I say. I'm enjoying your blog, which I only found the other day- thank-you and God bless you!
Thank you, Civilla! :-) I've been busy writing a talk for the Georgia conference, while balancing children, family, and, presently, out of town guests. I am grateful for you and your contributions to my blog.
"I suppose what I am trying to say is that sanctification takes time :o) and hence the need for charity and gentleness with other believers…like me"
Amen, Amy!
Stacy, I lurk at your blog often but don't normally post. I just wanted to say how God has used you to encourage me in so many things! This was just the post I needed to hear. Our family is the only one in our area with certain convictions….large family, homeschooling, girls at home….etc. And so I feel very lonely at times not to have like minded women or families to be with. We look very odd even to those at our church. I have prayed for a family that we might connect with but none so far. I wonder about my girls now that they are getting older….16, 14 and 13. Sometimes I think it would be easier if there were other families raising their girls the same way we are….
I know God is in control and has us where he wants us…so your blog is a comfort to me….
Thanks again and be blessed!
Alisa
Tremendously helpful and encouraging words, Stacy. How easy it is to give way to the fear of man, and how subtle it can be!
Kay (formerly Libbie)
thank you.