October 18, 2009 by Stacy McDonald
Planned Barren-hood
I’m still contemplating, praying over, and organizing my thoughts regarding our recent “quiverfull” poll. I am so burdened over our culture’s view of children – especially since this mindset has in part invaded the church. Raising children for God’s glory is hard work. Training them up in the way they should go is a minute by minute thing and sometimes it is a “burden.” However, children are a blessing and, when we are faithful, the reward is sweet.
“Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
The following “condom commercial” reveals the mindset of the birth control marketers and what they want us to think of children. I’m sure Planned Barren-hood would be cheering for this one. Of course, rather than focusing on the child training issue below, their point is that this young boy shouldn’t have ever been born.
“The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” (Proverbs 29:15)
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30 Responses to “Planned Barren-hood”
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This "commercial" speaks VOLUMES – not just in the spoiled nature of the child but exactly what you said, that if this guy would have used a condom that this "undisciplined" child would never have been born!
It should further reflect that this is a sad world that can attack the unborn, but now attacking the unruly child that HAS BEEN born? Are we soon going to have "selective parenting" if our child misbehaves?
Hoo,boy!
This is shocking. The message is absolutely as you discernedz: Unruly children should not be born. Rather than the responsibility being to discipline the child, they imply that the responsibility is not to have children at all in the first place. There is also the message that it is a shame to have children because they are unruly. This just makes me want to throw up.
In which country was this broadcast? It's not in English.
Having the same thoughts myself–how sad the attitude we have toward receiving children in this culture.
I am honestly speechless and heartbroken at the same time!!!!!! I see the effects of this thinking in our church and it pains me to see this. Also it is an area where churches should be training and equipping parents to biblically train children!
My heart is too heavy…..
all I can say is this is
very SAD!! :(
You know, this is a topic I've been mulling over in my mind for some time. Part of me wants to submit everything to the Lord and just let Him decide how many children my husband and I am are supposed to have and part of me is terrified of it because I am practically convinced that I will be a horrible mother.
As much as I try to let the Lord work in me, I'm honestly very scatterbrained and disorganized and I'm terrified to add a child to our already pretty crazy life. The Lord is working already however, because just a year ago I was certain that I would never have a child (sadly, "child free is the way to be" was my opinion) and now it is something that the Lord is working through in my life. I guess that's a step in the right direction!
Thank you Stacy for your prayerful consideration on this rough topic. I know it's not an easy topic to discuss and you are handling it with much grace and I really appreciate it. That you also for bringing it up because it's really getting me to think about it.
God Bless,
Becky @ A Loved Wife
This makes me sick to my stomach.
I think the thinking behind the commercial is the prevalent view that children are a lottery. Either you get a good one or you get a bad one. So it's easy to then say that the bad ones shouldn't have been born. After all, if we have no control over the behavior of our children, then having kids at all is a huge gamble.
And I respectfully disagree that "this mindset has in part invaded the church". This mindset has completely invaded the church. Perhaps not the family integrated churches, but as a whole, the church does not have a different view of children than the world. Listen to how they talk to and about their children.
Becky, I just prayed for you. God is good and if He blesses you with children, He will equip you to care for them as you trust Him. The goal is to glorify Him in whatever way He ordains.
Ginger, you are right; the modern church in general is saturated with worldly thinking. But I do think God is doing something in many families and churches. A modern reformation is taking place in the hearts of His people. Imagine how dark it must have seemed in the years surrounding the Protestant Reformation. God is good and He IS in control. :-)
"And I say also unto thee, that thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it." (Matthew 16:18)
This is a sad commercial. If this dad is going to be this kind of dad, he shouldn't have kids. This says more about the kind of parenting that all too often happens when people have kids they aren't willing to parent than it does the kids themselves.
In this day and age a person can't be forced to have any sort of virtue about themselves, also sad but true. If he isn't willing to be abstinent, and isn't willing to "man up" and be a proper dad, he should use condoms.
"[If he] isn't willing to "man up" and be a proper dad, he should use condoms."
If you're going to dream, dream big. He shouldn't fornicate…period. And if he's married, he should stop shushing his child and train him.
I think we have to be careful with our logic here – always thinking biblically. Would we say, "If you're going to murder someone, at least make sure you do it painlessly?" No, we would say, "Don't murder."
While we may be glad this man doesn't have any children, we can't minimize his sin by saying, "If you're going to be a wimpy dad or a fornicating single guy, at least use a condom." It really is a worldview thing and we have to consider how much we've been indoctrinated ourselves.
I'm not arguing with you here, and I did suggest that abstinence should be his primary solution if he's not willing to be a responsible father.
It is a problem that lots of people aren't responsible parents, and my wordview or your worldview isn't changing that much. I live in a very roman catholic, very pro-life community, and six hundred children are currently languishing in foster care in my county. A conservative Christian worldview isn't doing those kids a bit of good, apparently.
I don't say this flippantly, but with a very heavy heart. I'm growing increasingly weary of Christians binding people to burdens that they aren't helping them bear. Being against things (abortion, birth control, irresponsible parents) but until we offer a real alternative it's all a clanging gong.
I'll bet this ad sold a lot of condoms!
I totally get what you're saying. The church should be proving they value life and children by embracing the abandoned – and I do think many, many families are doing this. But the church as a whole is not – mostly because of the worldly, self absorbed philosophies that are being taught about having children.
I still don't think we can say "use a condom if you're not willing to the right thing." Because using the condom in this case is not the right thing either. To me, that's pragmatism.
And you make a really good point. We need to be a faithful people. If we say children are a blessing, but ignore the orphan, we are a faithless people. If we see a struggling single mother who has chosen life for her child, yet cannot feed him, and we wave our pro-life picket signs in front of her face, we are a faithless people. Our words must be backed up by actions and our faith is exemplified by works.
"What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit?" (James 2:14-16)
I would have never guessed it would be a condom commercial, but more of a commercial on the importance of training our children. It is interesting to me that other countries are filming the Duggar's to help their country's declining birth rate, yet air commercials like that one. It seems a bit ironic.
I can only pray that God will use this time to show Himself strong in those who choose to follow Him joyfully. We must be contagious in our joy and love of our family so others will see what is missing in their lives…Christ's Love.
How heartbreaking!
I know! I've seen these types of commercials some where else before. Children are a blessing. One of the biggest blessings of your life!
When I said that we use Natural Family Planning it is NOT because we view children as burdens, but parenting IS hard work. There are many other reasons why we choose not to get pregnant one right after another. One being that we got married as freshmen in college, and I had to help work so my husband could finish school. Now he supports us financially, but I never could have worked and helped him (the way he needed me to) if I had given birth to 4 children in 4 years while my husband was desperately trying to finish college.
We chose to plan our pregnancies because we loved our future children so much….if that makes sense…because we wanted to do our best…because we wanted mom at home and dad in a stable job with good hours and a decent livable pay check.
We have one three year old now and one on the way! yay! :) I think that parenthood is what helps an adult become more mature and less selfish.
Children are a blessing…we love ours!
Stacey thanks for posting this. My question to you is…at what point in history did children go from being a blessing to being a burden? The scriptures are chalk-full of verses where God tells us what a blessing children are (even the people of biblical times saw children as blessings i.e. Hannah). However, our culture today (even those in the church) would say that children are a burden. What would you attribute to be the cause of this change in attitude over time?
As someone who is slowly learning (by the grace of God) to accept children as a blessing – even I find this commercial to be appauling as well as scary!
This is one of the most disturbing commercials I've ever seen. I think it was the combination of the "use c*ndoms" message and the outrageous behavior of that boy.
I have a lot of thoughts swirling in my head about this, but all I can say is how incredibly sad. :(
I read this somewhere:
The Bible says children are a blessing and debt is a curse. In this present culture, we apply for debt and reject God's blessings.
So, so wrong!
Judy Kircher
Coming from a more mainstream (although still conservative) Christian viewpoint, I don't think this commercial is directed at married couples, but at unmarried men who are engaging in premartial sex.
Perhaps your energies would be better directed towards reaching the lost than those of us who may disagree with you on details.
The point is that the video makes the child the problem, when the problem is the "adult".
Whether the opinion of commenters is that the adult should have used a condom, not had s*x, or trained the child, the video reflects that the burden is the child. This is the EVIL in this message and every message like it.
Adults need to take responsibility for their choices and make ones that are not selfish. It is selfish to not train a child to behave and then blame the child. It is selfish to not train the child, period. That child will grow up and have all kinds of troubles because of a lack of training. Whether we like to admit it or not, children are products of their parents. Whether by their own teaching or allowing others to train – or not- train their children, for the most part, they are what they are allowed to become.
This commercial, like most messages in the world, gives the wrong teaching and does not hold the selfish person responsible. A bratty child is not the result of a loving, responsible and unselfish adult. Yes, my children are bratty sometimes…. sometimes daily… that is when I take focus off of myself and what I am doing and evaluate what the problem is and how training will better influence my child. I don't, instead, wish I hadn't had such a bratty child. -As if it is a fluke that this child has turned out so bad.
If the parent in the video were a real person, and asked me what I thought, I would say this:
This is a matter of responsibility. It is not the child's responsibility to behave on his own without training. It is the adult's responsibility to love and teach. If you don't want the responsibility, admit that, don't have children, and stop blaming others for their views that a child IS a blessing, just because you don't want the responsibility of training one up to behave.
Thanks for sharing this video. It is shocking in content, but not in light of the world. It is shameful.
Have a great weekend!
This ad makes me want to puke. The man is a coward and is more worried about what others think than how his son will turn out.
Life is cheap and people have no value.
You will be lucky if the American church would get it.
The commercial makes me so sad. :(
Becky, a little encouragement for you…
I am an incredibly scatterbrained person, and organization does not come naturally to me. I also come from a long line of similarly scatterbrained people. Many hilarious family stories revolve around my dear grandmother and her absentmindedness.
I am now a mother to three boys. I am still not a model of organization, but I have learned two things. 1. Survival-organization can be learned, and it is *good for me* to take the time to think things through, work on my short-term memory, and keep things in order. 2. Being scatterbrained has not damaged my children in the least nor made me a bad mother. We do just fine, even during the times when pregnancy turns my brain into complete and total mush. :)
My first thought was, "That's my son!" He had a similar tantrum at Burger King this week. (BTW, he knows it will NOT get him what he wants but he does it anyway.)
No matter how embarrassed I may be by his behavior in public at times, I would NEVER think he should never have been born. It's shameful that people would look at a strong-willed child like that and think a condom would have been in order.
Just a quick point. As believers we are meant to be & think differently because sadly the world view depicted in this add has always been the worldview of secular thinking. Think of the children sacrificed to Ba'al; Greek & Roman babies exposed at birth in ancient times; the use of abortificants in every age [abortion is not new!]; the many countries throughout the ages that have practised infanticide. The thing is believers are meant to be different. Our thinking is meant to be different. Our lives are meant to reflect that difference because the only thing between us & that sort of selfishness is Christ.
It could have begun earlier, but I think the idea that children are a burden, instead of a gift became clear with the onset of feminism. Women suddenly left behind their calling as a wife and mom, and their children became a burden and a hinderance to their lofty goals in life…to be a successful businesswoman. Feminism has completely infiltrated the church. The sad thing is…the church barely recognizes this. Women in the church do not realize they are feminists.
To many women I have become either "very strange," "a saint," or "super woman." None of these fairly demonstrate who I am. Yes, I stay at home with my children. Yes, I homeschool my children. Yes, I have zoomed past the average 2.1 children and have incresed to FIVE! Yes, I am a doting wife. This should not make me strange, a saint, or superwomen. I am gladly obeying my calling in life as a wife and mother. It just isn't a "cool" calling to have anymore…in the world…or in the church. We need to call women back to True Biblical Womanhood.
Oh, to experience revival in the church as in the Great Awakenings!
Oh, gosh.. how I hate that commercial! I'm sure it's a european thing.. only 'we' can come up with that nasty stuff.. :P
It's all about shoving your responsibilities out of the way, isn't it..? Do what a man does (have a girl) but don't accept any responsibilities that should come along, like having a kid or -worse- spending time to train them up!
This world is absolutely sick…. :(
Greetings from the netherlands -where you should apply for daycare the moment you see the + sign on your pregnancy test- !