August 24, 2009 by Stacy McDonald

Part 2 – His Bottle of Tears

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Please read Part 1 HERE

“But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” (Romans 7:21-24)

Yes! This is my battle! I know the truth; but, I struggle. I know I’m loved, and am no longer forsaken; but, too often, I don’t feel it, so I don’t walk in it. Oh “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24) Help me to walk in the truth of your love toward me simply because I know it’s true. Help me to see my life, and even my pain, as a sacrifice to you—to embrace my past as something that will be used to better glorify You.

“You shall also be a crown of glory in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. You shall no longer be termed Forsaken, nor shall your land any more be termed Desolate…” (Isaiah 62:3-4)

Fear torments—fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of being hated, fear of being unwanted, unloved…even just tolerated. Those who have known deep rejection know how difficult it is to articulate the irrational fears that plague you—that chase you down in the dead of night—and sometimes in the day. There is One who knows better than any other—He knows it all.

Rejection was my foe. He stood over me with a gleaming dagger, mocking me, imminent victory gleaming in his eyes. My heart pounded. I closed my eyes and turned my head to the fate I knew I deserved. “I wouldn’t want me either,” I thought.

Yet, suddenly, with each beat of my heart, the footsteps of my Beloved pounded in my head. Could it be?

A voice charged with passion and authority thundered through the air, “She is Mine.” It is all He said.

From where I lay, I could see the nail marks in His feet.

I looked up and realized my foe was gone. All that remained of him was the dagger in my own hand.

Lord, save me from myself. You rescued me from Your own wrath and from the tormentors who had laid claim to my soul. Why then do I secretly struggle to live in victory over the very bondage I loathed—even when I see and know the truth? Why do I so often see myself with worldly eyes? “Oh God, I believe; help my unbelief!”

“But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world, whose slaves you want to be once more?” (Galatians 4:9)

Lord, help us all to see ourselves the way You see us—to know and remember that You have orchestrated our steps. You have walked in and experienced our pain. You have loved us in our ugliness, and washed us clean. Remind us that regardless of who lets us down, You never will. Regardless of who may forget us, you will never forget.

“Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.” (Isaiah 49:15-16)

Lord, You have my name engraved on the palm of Your hands; engrave that truth on my mind and heart.

Let my spirit be consumed with the fact that You will never leave me nor forsake me (Heb. 13:5). “In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” (Psalm 56:11)

Help me to walk in victory over that treacherous foe You have already defeated; help me to recall and use the testimony of Your mercy and grace in my life to overcome the lies of this world (Revelation 12:11).

The words burned through my mind with a healing heat, searing their meaning into my soul: “She is Mine.”

Safe—wanted—loved—cherished.

“I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.” (Song of Solomon 7:10)


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11 Responses to “Part 2 – His Bottle of Tears”

  1. Green Thumb Mama says:

    "Fear torments—fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of being hated, fear of being unwanted, unloved…even just tolerated. Those who have known deep rejection know how difficult it is to articulate the irrational fears that plague you…"

    This is the one area I struggle with and haven't been able to release to the Lord.

    Again, thank you.

  2. Linda says:

    Amen!

  3. Vivianna says:

    A resounding AMEN!

    Once again, I have been ministered to through this post, thank you.

    Blessings,

  4. Jennifer says:

    "From where I lay, I could see the nail marks in His feet.

    I looked up and realized my foe was gone. All that remained of him was the dagger in my own hand"

    Stacy, that's beautiful! Is this an excerpt from some of your other writing?

  5. Stacy McDonald says:

    I will be praying for you GT Mama! Sanctification is a painful process. As we surrender it all to Him, He pours out His peace.

    Thank you, Jennifer. But, it didn't come from a previous writing; I just wrote it right along with the rest of this article.

  6. mosey says:

    both parts of this have been incredibly encouraging to me.. We have been waiting to adopt for two years now and have had 3 adoptions fall through, the fears and pains of those rejections have been unbearable at times. The journey has been incredible and painful all in one breath and this is a beautiful reminder to cling to Christ as we continue to wait for His best for our family. (we've been chosen again and are waiting to see what the Lord does)

    I loved the part where you said:
    "When will I forget the shame? How can I face my forsakenness? What if someone sees the real hurt that fuels my fears? Even I can’t look."

    It has been a battle, because it FEELS like I should always be "OK" and strong to be a witness…
    The Lord has been showing me the deep and true meaning in the verses that say:

    That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

    Anyway all of this to say, these two posts have been a soothing blessing to my heart as I face these fears and lay them at my Lord's feet.

    Thank you

  7. Jennifer says:

    I'm very glad you did :) I think I'll write it out and tuck it into "Maidens of Virtue".

  8. Leanne says:

    This ministered to the deepest areas of my soul. The verse about cleansing me with hyssop really touched me this time, for some reason.

    I am trying to live in the reality of what He says about me and what He thinks about me….

    And yes, to surrender the dagger in my own hand.

    You are used by God. Thank you for yielding to Him. He has blessed me through you.

  9. gloria says:

    Dear Stacy,

    I will pray for you. That our gracious Lord will provide you with the peace that surpasses all understanding and that the enemy who tries to get you to doubt your great worth will be thwarted from his efforts.

    you are deeply loved by the King!!!!

    Hugs,
    gloria

  10. Susan says:

    What a great piece! This can be used by the Lord to help. I have a shameful past, but for me, I have given it to the Lord and I can accept myself now. It all seems like a bad dream when I do think about it.

  11. Katrina says:

    Thank you, Stacy! This is just what I needed to hear. Just when we think we’ve overcome a certain area of fear, it suddenly likes to pop back up…

    Thank you so much for the encouragement!

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