April 10, 2009 by Stacy McDonald
Judging We Are Judged
No one likes to be judged, but everybody does it. Outside the church, of course, are those who embrace a relativistic ethic, wherein there is no objective right or wrong. Suggest otherwise to these good people, however, and you will know they believe you have embraced something objectively wrong. The one iron-clad moral law of our age is “Thou shalt not say there are any moral laws.” Inside the church things happen a smidge differently.
Here too we judge those who judge, citing, usually wrongly if I might make a judgment, Matthew 7:1, Judge not, lest ye be judged. Worse still however is not that we judge judgers, but that we judge non-judgers, simply on the basis that we “feel” judged.
Consider this account I once read on a blog. Woman A is bemoaning the awful, evil, stench straight from hell judgmental-ness of hardcore, conservative homeschoolers. She explained how she was out doing some shopping, dressed in pants. She walked into a store, and there, doing her shopping, was Woman B, a member of Woman A’s church, dressed in a skirt. Woman B always wore a skirt or a dress, and so Woman A retired to her car, unable to shop, crying her eyes out because she was being judged by Woman B for wearing pants.
Now if you think it a bad thing for women to never wear pants, chances are you sympathize with woman A. Even if you believe women shouldn’t wear pants, chances are you wish Woman B wouldn’t be so judgmental. But what, friends, has Woman B done? She dressed herself, and she went shopping. She said nothing, and as far as we know thought nothing at all about Woman A and her pants. Yet, Woman A is alone in her car casting all manner of judgment, all manner of private, secret (until she wrote the blog piece) bile against her sister. We know this not because we are free to guess what others might be thinking, but because Woman A told us in her own blog, without the least hint of irony.
Somehow we have come to believe that believing and practicing this belief or that is tantamount to practicing the inquisition against those who don’t so practice. That my wife covers her head in worship makes me want to lop the heads off women who don’t. That we believe children are a blessing now means that we look down our noses on those whom God has not so blessed. How do I know they think these things? Because people admit these things, not to confess their own judgmental spirit, but to convict those who have neither said nor done anything. I’m not in my car crying because I’m guessing the woman in the pants is judging me for judging her. I’m shopping, not even thinking about the woman in the pants. I’m not judging the family that has only been blessed with one child. I’m praying that God would be pleased to bless them with more.
This is what Matthew 7:1 is all about. When we do have a judgmental attitude, that is, not having a view on what is right and wrong, but rather being quick to convict with little or no evidence, we can rest assured that we will be judged in like manner. If you are judging people for what you guess they are thinking in judgment of you, turn around. There is someone secretly judging you in their heart. And you deserve it.
Instead why don’t we all try to practice a judgment of charity? Why don’t we move through our days assuming that other people actually like us? That they mean and wish us well? That we can disagree about this issue and that without either side being unduly nasty about it. Maybe we in the church could all dial down the rhetoric, without dialing down our passion for His Word.
This article was written by R.C. Sproul Jr. of the Highland Study Center. I highly recommend his book, Bound for Glory.
Used by permission.
“There is a battle, a critical front on the broader culture war, over the nature of the family,” writes Dr. R.C. Sproul Jr.
And this battle is tearing American families apart. Divorce is all too common, and even homes that stay together are often nothing more than a collection of individuals sharing the same roof. What’s worse is that even in the church the family is being torn apart as age- and gender-specific programs break up time together. Dr. Sproul decries the alarming state of the family in our time; he calls Christians to look to the Word of God to see how we can be bound together as families and as the church through a biblical understanding of the covenant.
Bound for Glory begins with a conversation between the author and his father, R. C. Sproul, about the importance of leading families in a covenantal relationship with God. Dr. Sproul then discusses the implications of this covenantal relationship for husbands, wives, children, and the church family. He speaks especially to men as the leaders in their households, encouraging them to make God’s Word known in their families, to help their wives and children grow in godliness, and to take responsibility for the testimony of their family to others.
The book ends with another conversation between father and son about the benefits of homeschooling and the role that parents should play in their child’s education. Bound for Glory will help you and your family be bound together as a covenantal family for the glory of God.
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7 Responses to “Judging We Are Judged”
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That article was very good and gave a lot to think about.
Thanks for posting that Stacy.
We all need to check our judgemental attitudes for sure. It is a phenomenon though that the homeschoolers et al. seem to bring out the worst in some others in this area. Maybe other women actually feel convicted, but they seem to think because we hold a conviction we have already judged them. It is a challenge to deal graciously and be a good witness for what we embrace.
Ruby
Wonderful. Thanks for sharing.
If man A were to enter a hardware store and see man B from his church shopping in there dressed in shirt, tie, and jacket, would guy A hide in his car until guy B left the store?
I can’t imagine it.
We women seem to crave the approval of other women especially when it comes to how we dress. If we are not comfortable about what we are wearing, then maybe we need to rethink our wardrobes. If we are confident that our husbands are happpy and we are dressing appropriately, then why worry about what others think, even when they aren’t thinking anything at all about us!
Very interesting article.
Thank you for this post Stacy..great reading! How embittered is the person who judges…
~Lisa
Thank you for sharing this excellent article. I especially liked his advice to “practice a judgement of charity”. Think of the harmony and fellowship we would have if we did this. Think of the witness! Challenging stuff.
Bless you
Michelle
Stacey,
I thought I would share with you how much I appreciated your LACK of judgement toward myself a few years ago.
My husband and I were attending a homeschool convention that you and your husband were speaking at. I came up to you after one of your great talks and asked you a few questions. You were nothing but gracious, answering my questions, agreeing with what I said and just generally all round kind!
The reason I am mentioning your lack of judgment is because at the time I was wearing tight jeans, and a very low cut, sexy shirt. I hadn’t given much thought to modesty at that point in my life. My husband loved when I wore attractive clothes, I worked hard keeping my body fit and wanted to feel sexy in what I was wearing for him.
God has since then taken me on a journey teaching me as my boys are getting older and that I now am raising daughters as well. My thinking is very different.
However, at that time if I had been judged for just that aspect of myself so much of who I really was inside would have been missed. My heart was so teachable.
My husband and I were and are so passionate about the very same things that you and your family are.
We raise our children probably similiarily and have so many of the same standards and goals for our kids.
So funny though that looking at me a few years ago you would have never guessed that! :) That was just one piece of the puzzle!
Apparently the sense of urgency to fix my outside when I was raising my children wasn’t as important to God as what he was teaching my husband and I for years before on the inside.
Anyway, all that said just to let you know “Thank-you for not judging me”
My own heart has felt a little weary lately being different as a family in our decisions and our lack of compromise on things in our own homeschooling circle. I wrote about it here.
http://apassionatehousewifedesperateforgod.blogspot.com/2009/03/against-norm.html
Take care Stacey and feel strong knowing you are in His grip.