February 25, 2009 by Stacy McDonald
Salty Christians
“Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.”
(Colossians 4:6)
Recently, after one of my children responded harshly to a sibling, I reminded him of his responsibility to speak kindly. He defended his actions by explaining what his sister had just done to him. I reminded him of our responsibility as Christians to respond biblically to those who sin against us.
While it was reasonable for him to be hurt by his sister’s actions toward him, it was not okay for him to respond sinfully with harsh words that tear her down. If his sister indeed sinned against him, there is only one person sinning at that point. He has the opportunity to glorify God by responding to her biblically.
If he chooses to react defensively, and sins against her with sharp and unkind words, there are now two people sinning against the Lord instead of one; and He has lost his opportunity to glorify God.
For everyone will be seasoned with fire, and every sacrifice will be seasoned with salt. Salt is good, but if the salt loses its flavor, how will you season it? Have salt in yourselves, and have peace with one another. (Mark 9:49-50, NKJV)
Obviously, I had a talk with my daughter as well; but, since our goal is to glorify God in all we say and do, we should care more about Him being glorified than whether or not we have been offended.
We may show grace by the very words we use to communicate to one another, because “the words of a wise man’s mouth are gracious (Ecclesiastes 10:12). Other times we impart grace by giving one another the benefit of the doubt because love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:7, NKJV)
I explained to my son that he should not automatically assume wicked motives in his sister. It’s easy to think that she was purposely irritating him, but it takes love to give her the benefit of the doubt. Also, if he doesn’t know her motives and know for a fact that she “just did it to irritate” him, then he is assuming the worst.
“Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins.” (Proverbs 10:12)
Also, if his sister is sinning and he, in return, speaks kindly to her, and does not berate or insult her, perhaps he will win her. He certainly has a better chance of helping her to see God’s ways clearly if he is responding in love, with a heart to see God glorified, rather than himself viewed as “right.”
“Let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.” (James 5:20)
I’ve been tested on this many times. I tend to have a sharp tongue and too often I respond with words I regret. God has shown me, especially in my relationships with my children, that a soft answer does indeed turn away wrath.
There are times when the days seem so long. Not only do I seem to be constantly correcting children who speak wrongly to one another, but I consistently catch myself answering harshly.
Yet God is good. He is teaching us, pruning us, and allowing us to see our own sin in our children, so that we can teach them about God’s grace and our need to rely completely on him.
Oh Lord, give me a heart to see you alone glorified…and give me a mouthful of soft answers!
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)
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Thank you, thank you, Stacy. I so needed this encouragement and gentle message tonight.
Wonderful post! The Lord is “pruning” me in this area too. I too tend to have a sharp tongue , and as I have been studying the book of James lately I see that is should not be so… how can my lips which praise God and offer Him my words of thanks and love, also be the same lips that spew out unkind comments or harsh words?Ouch….. I have been convicted….. my passage I am focusing on: ” Be quick to hear and slow to speak”…..I do agree with you, Stacey — our words should glorify God. It appears that women struggle with this a bit. I am praying that we might all glorify our precious Lord with our hearts and with our lips. As always thank you for the insightful post.
Blessings,
gloria
Excellent post Stacy!
This is so important to teach our children and for us to learn as well! I dealt with this with one of my children last night!
This is such a timely and wonderful post as Col. 4:6 is the verse the Lord gave to our family for this year. He clearly wants us to work this out in us and your post only reaffirms it. Thank you, Lord!
Hi Stacy,
What a great article! I have already written down some of your points, such as to begin with…. we need to think Biblically! I have also found it beneficial to remember that the offense is first and foremost against God! (Psalm 51:4) Thank you also for being so forthright about the on going battle with your own sin!
The struggle and battle continue in our lives but we are certain of this, “being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6 Blessings to you and your family!
Great advice for us all to remember.
Thank you for this post. It is a wonderful reminder to me to watch how I respond to my children. I think I will have my children read it as well. Maybe “hearing” someone else say it will help this lesson sink in better than “just mom” telling them over and over.
Yet God is good. He is teaching us, pruning us, and allowing us to see our own sin in our children, so that we can teach them about God’s grace and our need to rely completely on him.
Yes, yes, yes!
It’s hard, hearing my own words and tones coming from my little children’s mouths.
Sometimes I wonder if a part of God’s blessing to us through our children is not the way he uses them to shape us…
Ruth
Thank you for posting this it was wonderful. It is something our 6 children and of course sometimes ourselves. We are working on it. The biblical refrences are terrific, saved me a little time searching for them.
Thank you and
Hugs
Amy
Oh, how the Lord is teaching this very thing to me right now! I like to think of myself as sweet and kindly-spoken, but He is holding up a mirror to me lately and I see how often I respond more sharply than I ought. I get irritated when the children aren’t kind to each other… of course my irritation is merely reflecting the very same sin that I am condemning back at them! I am so dependent on Him to correct me and help me to do what is right… praise the Lord that He is always willing to help us. What would we do without Him??
as always thanks for sharing your thoughts:)
A wonderful post. Thank you.
Why is justifiable irritation a sin in your eyes, Persuaded?
Hi Mrs. McDonald!
I’m just gonna take a minute to say what everyone else has already said and perhaps a little bit more.
Your post was so well written and so convicting! I want to cry every time I look back on my day, and I see how wicked I’ve acted towards my siblings. I am 15 and the oldest of four. My brothers and sister see how to act by what I do. You would think that realizing this would make me more responsible, but no! I’m quite the sinner! Your blog is a daily, well…not daily, but every-other-daily encouragement to me. So thank you!
Another thing I’d like to say thank you for is your book, Raising Maidens of Virtue. I’m sure you’ve been praised and thanked so much for this, but I just have to add to it! Your book was one of the first things that started me to realizing how to be a godly lady for Jesus. I didn’t used to be interested in anything feminine, because old friends and peers lead me to believe it wasn’t cool. And really, it’s not cool, but I just love Him so much I don’t care! And you were the timely blessing my heavenly Father sent for me. I think the world of you, and I thank Jesus so much for you.
In Jesus,
Rachel
Stacy~
What a blessing to have come across your blog. I don’t want to loose the salt which our Lord has given. It is too easy to fall into the talk and conversation that is not of Him. Thanks for sharing your wisdom. I am a single woman who looks forward to the blessings of a family and raising my children in a homeschooled atmosphere with God breathing His Words and Life into our hearts. Thank you for your inspiration.
God”s Blessings,
Ingrid