June 10, 2008 by Stacy McDonald
Help – I’m disorganized and I can’t get up!
I’ve been thinking about that great schedule I used to have and how organized I used to be. Ah…
I used to be so organized. I’m hoping to get there again. One thing I’ve realized is that organization was easier when all my children were under a certain age. Mostly because they couldn’t reach things and mess them up. When my older girls were…well, when they were younger, they weren’t interested in using my crafts, my kitchen supplies, my photo albums, my music CDs, or even my make-up. MY stuff! They left MY stuff alone! Well, mostly because there were strict boundaries. Then they got older…
When they were younger, all I had to worry about were Legos on the floor, bickering over toys, dressing, bathing, and caring for their every need. Feeding them and making sure they actually ate (no; apple slices are NOT guns!). My schedule applied to everyone. What I said, went. Everyone was lumped in together. Bedtime was at 7:30 p.m. – for everyone – without exception!
But now, we have batches of children. We have adult children, betrothed children, in-between children, preschool children, and babies. Now, we even have CHICKENS! Who can keep up with that?
So, if anyone has any advice for a mom with adult children, in-between children, little ones, babies, AND chickens, please let me know. By the way, the chickens don’t actually arrive until tomorrow or the next day. So you have some time. :-)
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47 Responses to “Help – I’m disorganized and I can’t get up!”
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My rule, anyone that needs to be tucked in, goes to bed when the woman says they will. Anyone else that can take care of themselves can stay up as late as they want, and will respect those that are sleeping. Keep your schedule, if they want your help they get helped in your schedule, you do not go into their schedule to help them. Their laziness is not your emergency.
For the chickens, rule is no chickens in the house. They sleep in the hen house and inside the chicken wire.
We just got chicks! And we’re city folk! So fun!!
I only have one non-little. He’s 20 and we rarely see him, his schedule’s so full. He never asks for my crafty stuff or my make-up ;)
Okay, I don’t have children in ALL of those categories now (but I do have chickens…and goats and sheep), but I will say that having an adult daughter still in the home is not only a tremendous blessing, but also a different kind of “work” for moms. I could nurse and change a baby almost in my sleep, but nurturing and caring for and talking with an adult daughter is a whole ‘nother thing! As I write, it’s after 10:00 p.m. and there are three of us still up…my husband, our oldest daughter at home, and I. The boys are long ago in bed. I’m not complaining! Not at all! I love that our daughter is here, under her father’s covering, and content; but I do hear what you are saying in this post!
Honestly……I have no idea!!! My thinking would be do your best and that is all you can do. AND don’t worry about not being as organised as you would like. When the adult children fly the coup, chicken pun, then you’ll have more space to organise the others in or even if they stay they can help with the little ones & the chicks!!!
Big wide grin :-) I’m listening for the answers. Even tho my children are closer in age (16 down to 4) we still have all different ages and stages and life gets very busy.
Thankfully no chickens yet :-)
Love
Henrietta
Oh- how I know how you feel. I too have the same span of ages in my children though, none of mine are betrothed or married yet. Sometimes I think I am going to go a little nutty remembering who is where and what they are doing. I have been having the same thoughts that you are and am thinking I need to get back to a schedule. With summer approaching and school almost over I can see us all going in a million directions and all of the house work falling on my shoulders. I think it is key to stay connected to the kids and keep everyone together as much as possible. Bed time in my house is 9pm and that includes my young adults. There are very few instances that they are or need to be out past that time. I am going back to assigning chores for the little ones and projects for the older ones (yard work, painting, home repair and maintenance) Family vacations are a must. My oldest son has a full time job and was not sure he could get off of work but we stressed the importance of him going on our family vacation and he has worked things out with his boss. I think he was hoping to stay home and just run the roost and play house by himself but my husband and I really felt that even as our kids grow older and start to lead their own lives it is still important that we do things together as a family. As far as organization is concerned, I have come to understand in all my years of mothering,wheather you have 1 child or many, that less is best. The more “things” you have the more you have to maintain. Because we are a big family people tend to dump their stuff on us thinking we must always have needs. I have started to say “NO” to people who just want to give me their stuff. We are not rich by any means but the Lord does provide when we do have a need and I dont feel like I need to save everything just in case I should need it some day. The less you have to maintain the better. People are amazed at the lack of clutter in our house with so many people living in it! Menu planning is also something I started this year and I dont know how I ever lived not doing it. I plan and rotate menus for dinner. It is so nice to not have to think what we are going to have for dinner or if we have the ingredients. I make fewer trips to the store and I have been able to cut our food expense down tremendously!
Thank you for your web site and sharing your life with us. I am so grateful I found you. We are kindered spirits and sisters in Christ and wives to a pastor husband. I would love to have you share more about the role of a pastor’s wife and your positive and negative experience’s. Sometimes I really struggle in this area. May the Lord continue to bless you and your family.
Blessings,
Adrienne- mommyof six and praying the Lord will bless us with seven soon.
Oh please please please let me in on the secret for organization when you find it! I need it desperately now and will need it even more in years to come.
As for the chickens, no problem. They are the easiest things to care for. Really. And that is coming from a lady that doesn’t enjoy animals at all. :)
~Shannon
http://www.watchthesky.wordpress.com
Hi Stacy,
As a mother of 9 children of varying ages and stages (5-20), I can completely relate (even to the chicken thing!) The number one step to take at this point is to relax a little. I have definately had to let loose of my controlling nature as my children grow up. But it actually is a blessing and can even be enjoyable. Now, I still implement some of the same techniques with my older children as I do with my younger kids in an effort to maintain some sense of order in my house. I wrote a little about this on my blog on April 21st “Five Steps To A Pleasant Home”.
It must be that season for us because I am struggling with the same, very same except I also have a hog but none are married, issue right now. So, I wait in expectation with tapping fingers at my keyboard to see if someone comes with some help!
Big hug to you…
Christi A
Hi Stacy,
I think I can relate with a houseful of 11, but not quite into the adult phase.
Actually, I thought of a question or two for you. You seem like a pretty organized person in general, and I was wondering if this was a case of a ‘vague something isn’t right’ feeling rather than reality?
Are things really falling through the cracks? Has your dear husband told you that you should be more organized?
I remember hearing from Nancy Wilson a long time ago the same wistful sigh, “I’m not organized enough.” Her husband,Doug, told her, “Did I tell you that?”
As our children are getting older, I do have less ‘detailed control’ but that is a good thing, and gives them a feeling of being in control themselves. So, I have a basic routine revolving around meals, and a schedule for myself and the younger kids. The older ones just revolve around the home in their own orbits now.
Enjoy the new chicks!
I have no advice for you but I want to say how much I appreciate your honesty and transparency here!
Stacy,
I’m not there yet but I will be soon. My oldest is 11 and my youngest is due in November. I hope more readers share their knowledge.
Love reading the comments! Can’t wait to read more pearls of wisdom! life truly is an adventure isn’t it? Blessings,
Jen in al
Ginger – that’s a relief! LOL
Cheryl – yes, I think you do know what I mean. :-)
Thanks for all your thoughts so far, ladies!
I have come to realize that it was more “comfortable” for me when I controlled most every aspect of the homekeeping. Some of it is a matter of “letting go” of those things that don’t matter. And I admit that is VERY hard for me – but I’ve come a long way. LOL! Underwear doesn’t REALLY have to be folded, after all. (I used to know someone who actually ironed underwear – I’ve never been that bad).
Though you don’t have the “help” of older children when they are little, you do have more control over things in general. You can read my post about Spring Cleaning and get an idea of how I “like” things:
http://yoursacredcalling.blogspot.com/2007/03/breath-of-fresh-air.html
Patty, yes, it is good that the older ones have their own sphere of control, but since we all live together on a daily basis, having adults in the home changes things dramatically.
For instance, there are new challenges that come from having adult daughters who help run the kitchen. I absolutely LOVE that they are in the home, polishing their homemaking skills for their own future households. I love their company, their creativity, and the many ways they bless our family. But having 4 grown women running the kitchen takes some getting used to. :-)
For instance, I’m really picky about my pantry. I like everything in a row – right where I want it. I don’t want to have to look for the flour or the baking soda when I need it. Everything has a place and it should be there when I go to use it. As you can guess, too often it’s not. :-)
I remember the first time (after a pregnancy where I had been on bed rest) I opened a drawer and discovered someone had decided that the drawer I had by the stove would be better by the refrigerator. Um. No. I had to explain the reason I had the drawer where I had it and how moving it was not the most efficient choice based on when the contents of the drawer would be needed.
I’ve had to make it clear that even though we all use the kitchen, mom is still the mistress of the house – the head chef, so to speak. And there are reasons why I ask that things be run a certain way – and it’s based on the wisdom of experience.
I can give young moms numerous tips for organizing the house when all they have is little ones (throwing out 90% of the toys is first on the list! LOL), but having numerous ages and having the same semblance of order seems near impossible.
I think we’re a new breed – “moms with large families whose daughters aren’t leaving the house when they turn 18 to go off to college.” Hmmm….is there an acronym for that? LOL So we’re dealing with a few new challenges.
I am also perfectly aware that some of the challenges I’m discussing may be my own heart issues. I want things “my” way. I “like” order and some people may even find my level of order obsessive.
However, I’m trying to sort through what is a “dying to self” issue and what is truly a matter of keeping enough control to maintain order and management of the home.
The chickens aren’t here yet – but I’ll keep you updated. Shannon – thanks for the good news about chickens!
I had these thoughts a few days ago…I can’t even get organised enough to tidy a drawer…knowing that another person will decide it should be done another way…the joys of the teenagers growing up and thinking they have a better way, of organising me.!!
I love them to bits and they mean it in love but I’m definatly learning to die to self in how I want something done.
Its easier when they are smaller and they were happy playing house with their dolls and teddies…now they are bigger they take over, which is their way of bing helpful and giving me a break….I’ll have to let them know that I still like doing things in my house…without stopping them from learning how to run their own.
will look with eager anticipation to what people have to suggest.
Shelley P
from over the pond
I also can relate. We have 3 grown married children with children of their own, so the 5 grandchildren are factored into family events, occasional babysitting needs, etc. My married daughters still need to talk from time to time as well. I also am still homeschooling a 16 yr old and an 11 yr old. The hard thing for me is the predictability factor. I had an easier time scheduling when they were younger because I could anticipate the daily needs. Now their needs aren’t quite so predictable; often we need to take time to sort through what IS really needful in particular situations. So, my love of control and management lists is pushed aside as I’m learning to serve responsively more than serve by leading. I’m definitly outside my comfort zone, but so far no one has missed a meal,lacked clean clothes, or missed a meeting or obligation. I’m praying that I’ll grow in grace (and graciousness) in this new season.
~Linda~
We’re a family of 12 with 9 children still at home, ages 25-4 years old.
Having adult women in our home has been a tremendous blessing, but at the same time has been the hardest phase for me.
As you said, I’m no longer the only one doing things, moving things, organizing things, caring for younger children, using the car, running the errands, etc.
There are now “sub-moms” for the younger children. My role is still my role, but in practicality, it has changed some. Finding the fine line between being controlling and letting go of too much is hard to find.
Finding the fine line between being the mom of the house and giving the older girls freedom to exercise their giftedness and learn from their weaknesses is difficult. They need to still be daughters in submission. But, I also need to see them as adults who have thoughts and different ways then I. Finding the balance is difficult for me.
I go into the kitchen to cook and I can’t find what I need to cook as I have 25, 19, 13 & 11 year old girls in my kitchen now. So, I tend to cook less. And I feel so out of it when I have to constantly ask, “Are we out of butter? Where’s the whisk? What happened to this????
We can’t always find underwear or matched socks, because I am not the laundry person anymore and my 13 year old is learning this new skill. We now have more clothes that have bleach spots or wrinkles, because I am not the one doing it any more.
The children are learning. The children are “helping.” The girls are learning how to run a home. That means things will not be perfect, done by me or necessarily my way. That means their personalities and likes/dislikes will be manifested and change the order of the household some.
I certainly cannot do it all anymore! So, while I welcome the additional hands and help, I struggle with not feeling like it’s my house anymore because I don’t know where everything is or what state it’s in like I used to.
I feel your angst! I haven’t figured it out yet so I’m awaiting a post from someone who has some great advice! We are trailblazers where we have few examples of this new phenomenon of moms with adult children living and functioning within the family.
As for the chickens. Make sure you have the chicken coop or chicken tractor built before they arrive. That’s our advice. Don’t ask how we know!
Thanks for a post that expressed my heart and thoughts so exactly!
In Him,
Laralee
http://www.PlymouthRockRanch.com
Recording the Faithfulness and Provisin of God for Future Generations
Laralee,
YES!!! You get it!!! Someone understands! Thank you – your note was encouraging. You expressed so many of my thoughts exactly.
Not too long ago I had to ask one of the girls how to run the Bosch. I had forgotten!!!! Many of the recipes I had in a notebook, but used to know by heart, are now “missing.” Ugh!
I find myself having to deal with this second batch of younger children differently because of the different dynamics in the household, but I get frustrated because I liked the way I did things before.
“Lord, help me to let go of those things You take away, just as I must embrace the new things You give me.”
And by the way – too late about the chickens. :-) James is working on the brooder today. LOL Hopefully they won’t arrive until tomorrow.
Stacy, I have been mulling over this very subject, and have decided that it is helpful to develop a variety of personalities in order to fit ones repsonsibilities. LOL. One minute I am on the floor playing w/ the baby, the next second I am schooling a pre-reading little one, then comes the preteen who still wants “me” and then the teenagers who want to chitchat. OH…forgot dh…he likes me to sit w/ him and talk. Somedays are quite harried here, yet what a blessing! NOw about chickens…we have them as well. Just make sure they are very secured at night so you won’t have to get up and save them from intrusive blood-thirsty predators!
Honestly, the Lord has challenged me at every level in my role as a mother of many. This level of mothering multiple ages and stages pushes me even harder (I need this since I have a propensity to become stagnant). At 40 years old I am not the same momma to my now toddlers as I was when my teenagers were little. My patience seems to wear very thin, and I am once again praying for God’s help.
Bless you!
Camy (marymarthame.blogspot.com)
I just try to remember that God knows! He sent all our kids in the order He wanted them in! I often wonder at our younger kids schedule compared to the older kids schedule when they were young! The tendency in our large family is to keep up with the older ones are doing.
I can relate about the older daughters even though mine are not adults yet, they are 16 and 14, they are so capable and like doing the cooking etc…that I have had to reliquish control over things like recipes. My girls sometimes find a recipe they like to use. I have had to learn to let them! It is ok if it is not MY brownie recipe!!! ha ha!
Thanks for sharing and giving us all a chance to comiserate!
I am so glad to see this post. I have only one child, so I don’t have the issue of how to deal with children of all stages.
My DD is 18 going on 19. I am dealing with letting her develope and polish her homemaking skills even though it may not be like mine. It is hard, but helps to know others are dealing with the same thing.
Thank you for sharing your life and your insights!
Tafy Sills from Blackberry Lane Farm
What a cute family! I’m sorry I can’t offer any experience :S
My comment is a bit different, but will be well-received, I hope, as it speaks to the heart of my “issues” with organization (or lack there of). I only have two little ones right now (2 yrs and 4 months), but with the desire that God brings more, I am more aware that my daily duties consume my entire day. I made a list last week of things that need to be done each day, things that need to be done each week (and assigned a day to them), things that were to be done once a month (cleaning baseboards, etc) and projects that need to be completed sometime this year (updating pictures, etc.) When I finished with this list I was amazed at all that had to be done during my week. And as I was making my list on my computer , bouncing back and forth reading my favorite blog sites (especially this one!), it occurred to me (a prompting of the Holy Spirit perhaps?) that I spend (waste?) a lot of my daily time on my computer! I actually set up a blog site of my own and have yet to find time to post on it — or at least post anything worth reading. So, I just wonder, as I have read through all of these comments, and now posted my own, and it is now going on 15 minutes that I have invested time into this blog site (not to mention the others that I want to visit when I am finished here), how much time are we using during our day “encouraging one another” instead of using that time to better organize our homes, tend to our children, and make sure that we have ample time and energy and desire to serve our husbands when he arrives home? I confess, that the blogs that I have become accustom to reading (especially this one) have been used so much of God to turn my heart towards my home, children and husband (I’m a repentant feminist), so I know that God richly uses the wisdom and encouragement from many posts to “teach the younger women…”(Titus 2), but I know that for me prudence and wisdom must govern my blog time — and that is true sacrifice of self-want for me because I love what I find here each time I come. Anyway, those are just my thoughts. Blessings and uber-organization skills to you all!
Doulos Yeshua, Mrs.Buzbee
Mrs. Buzbee’s email address (not included in previous post…sorry):
abuzbee@windstream.net
I’m looking for help in this area, too! The day my oldest daughter married (a bit over 2 weeks ago) I began suspecting I might be pregnant with #8. turns out I was right :-)
I, too have children that span all the categories (baby, toddler, preschooler, elementary and mid-teens….) and even though my oldest 2 no longer live in the home, they still need momma often.
I used to have a really great schedule, also – then, one day, when I sat down to re-work the schedule for a new school year, I found that I had more blocks of time filled than I had blocks of time available. so, I did the only thing I could do – I quit using a schedule :-) But that doesn’t seem to be working so swell, either.
I am really looking forward to hearing more wisdom on this one.
about the chickens ~ I just hope you don’t have any neighbors with dogs that enjoy fresh chickens (their dogs, not the neighbors..) If you don’t have THAT to worry about ~ yep, chickens is easy :-)
Stacy,
See http://www.duggarfamily.com
:)
I can only offer my view in having been an older daughter in such a family. I am a young married woman now.
It may be true that you need to die to self somewhat on this issue, but I think it is true that daughters can extend themselves more in respecting their mothers. If their habits or practices are causing a mother to feel disorganized in her own home, I don’t know what more would need to be said.
When I was still under my parents’ roof, I handled housekeeping according to my mother’s own practices. Occasionally I might have a suggestion as to how something could be improved, which she could then accept if she wished (or explain to me why she was already doing it the way she was), but she is my elder. It is she who has given her life caring for the family. My time to do things MY way would come when I had my OWN home. And my mother had done the same under HER mother’s roof, and so on.
I really can’t imagine having upset my mother’s ways and practices to such an extent that she would almost feel lost in her own kitchen. This seems to me actually disrespectful. I think if women were to present it in this manner to their daughters, all daughters of good heart would find themselves stricken of conscience and would do their part to set themselves on a better way of greater respect and consideration for their mothers.
Daughters need mothers. A mother is not another sister in the family, and daughters are not co-wives or co-mistresses of the home. As long as a daughter is unmarried and at home she is in the season of life of being under her parents authority. If some mothers are happy to hand over all the details of home management to their capable daughters, that is fine, but other mothers deserve to have consideration and obedience from their children as well.
Today I manage my home and care for my family in significantly different ways than my mother does. There is not right or wrong between us, just different. I did not need to do things according to my own preferences and ideas in my mother’s home in order to “learn” how to do what I do now. I learned things according to HER ways, under her roof, and this was well enough to get me started functioning in my own home.
In short time in the early weeks and months after marriage, I tweaked things according to my own ideas and preferences. In trial and error I made some mistakes, and learned from them. This is part of the fun of being a new wife and homemaker. :) And my mother, while having all the wonderful help from older capable daughters, has never had to feel confusion or discomfort in her own home.
Hi Stacy,
I really enjoyed this post and all of the “earnest comments” you received. It goes to show what transparency can do. I especially liked Patty’s comments. Maybe, don’t be so hard on yourself…this to shall pass?…or maybe…for such a time as this? You are probably being an example to your girls even in the midst of “all this”. Really they are watching how you deal with other women in close relational areas. Someday they will have mothers-in-laws, as well as sister-in-laws. And then grown daughters, and daughter-in-laws.
It’s funny, not too long ago I was going through a very low point where I felt that in retrospect I had more failures, than successes. I really began to feel like whatever good the Lord was trying to accomplish in me I was miserably
causing to fail. My 19 year old daughter knew how I was feeling and encouraged me, but I thought “that’s just the love of a child.”
One day we were out for a walk and we ran into an old acquaintance I hadn’t seen in a long, long time. She was with someone I had never met. She began to tell this friend that I was the girl she had been telling this friend about, and went on to tell me what an inspiration I was to her at the time she first accepted Christ, and how instrumental I was in the early years of her walk with Him.
It completely blew me away. It was such a gift to me, (which I had to pour at His feet) to have such things said in front of my daughter, when I was feeling like such a failure, and like there was so much more I could be accomplishing.
How incredibly kind the Lord was to do that for me. Some day you’ll hear your daughters talking and telling someone how incredible you were at this period of time!
Next, I know some one whose home is completely organized, all of her children are gone, she wishes they weren’t.
Next,My daughter is the “other woman” in my kitchen! She is always one step it seems ahead of me and sometimes it drives me nuts. I have to be very careful for I know this is her truest gift and I can see what an incredible help meet, and homemaker she will be someday. (She even gets on her 17 year old brother when his outfit doesn’t match or he walks around with holes in his socks, he takes it all in stride:)
As far as being organized, I can’t help, your family is larger.
Maybe “delegate, delegate, delegate”.
I know the Duggar family does the “zone ” thing. Everyone has there zone to police, and care for.
I’m sure if we were to your house we wouldn’t see disorganization, but life!
God bless, Lisa
Have you tried checking out the Fly Lady website?? It is great and very motivational.
~Gina
I laughed at this. I’m in a similar boat too. I have a mix of babies and older teens and your post expressed my bewilderment so well! It’s good to know that it is a universally felt bewilderment though and not just me!
Blessings to you. Thanks for your blog!
Interesting comments. I do think it depends what matters to you – we are all different. e.g I’d be thrilled if anyone took over organising the kitchen drawers – far too thrilled to care where they put things. But then I might be Mom, but I’ve never been “Head Chef” – the kitchen isn’t really my domain.
And because of that it’s been easier for me to let the children learn and help in that area.
I struggle with simple things like bedtimes, because I can’t just pack everyone off to bed at 9.30pm, no matter how much I’d like to.
I am still their mom, but they have to learn time management themselves.
I have no concerns about telling them when to get up :-) This house is like running a business, and everyone has to be in their places/at their desks by a certain time.
I also find it difficult to know when to stay up late listening to my teenagers or when to realise it is just a ploy to avoid bed, and pack them off upstairs :-)
We have four teenagers, five under ten and three in between . .it’s only going to get “worse”.
Love
H
Oh, no…don’t tell me it gets harder!
I’m being silly of course. I know that it’s just a different kind of hard. I’m praying that once I look back on the younger years that God will assure me that I can face different giants when they’re older.
Hi Stacy,
I really appreciate your site. It has really ministered to me many times.
I am in the same boat as you with children of many ages in the house. We have young male adults so I don’t have to worry too much about my kitchen being messed up; but our eldest daughter likes to help out and usually does a great job.
I try to keep a minimal schedule but understand that it is always subject to change. We block out time for school and that is set in stone. We don’t allow interruptions unless it’s an emergency. We keep meals simple but a few times a week I do try to cook a bigger meal. I start the laundry but the children take turns putting it in the dryer and pulling it out when done. After that I fold and everyone comes to me and gets their pile of folded clothes to put away. They also help with the little ones piles. The older children help the younger make their beds, tie their shoes, etc. House cleaning is divided up among teens and adults.
We raised chickens too at one time and found it best to keep a fenced area (chicken wire as a roof too) to protect our flock from unwanted visitors.
There is a tendency to get caught up in older children’s activities, and so I’m working hard on concentrating on some fun things for the younger ones to do this next year.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. We can’t do everything and probably don’t need to anyway.
Victoria
One thing my dear husband pointed out to me is that most mothers do not have their children in the home 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Home schooled children of every age, even the best trained, are going to stir up more creative mess than their not-at-home schooled counterparts.
I cling to his reminder every day!
Stacy,
So far I have a 3 year old, a 2 year old and a 6 month old, so, I obviously don’t have any advice for you, :) but I just wanted to say I’m thankful you’re ahead of me. I’ve already learned so much from you through this blog and your book.
So, I’m looking forward to gaining more wisdom and insight from you as I hear how you managed and grew through these years. Maybe when you’re kids are all grown you’ll write another book for moms like me whose kids are all still little?!?!?!?! :)
Just an idea ;)
Grace Wheeler
Pray, laugh, and praise God. You are a blessed woman.
I don’t really have any advice to offer, just wanted to commiserate :) We have 31 not-so-baby chicks in the basement right now (can you say pee-uw?) waiting for my husband to get out the 10X6 chainlink kennel from the back of our 12 pass van (which is at the moment reduced to 8 pass because there are 2 huge kennel boxes in it waiting for assembly). We have goats, bunnies and 2 labrador retrievers.
Along with the age categories, we are blessed to be expecting baby #8 early october AND my second grandbaby is due 17 days before that :) It is so fun and exciting.
We have 5 scholars at home ranging from HS senior, preparing for vet school, LORD willing down to a 2nd grader. We also have a 2 yo to liven up the mix. We are blessed, but it is hard to feel that I handle things the way I should as I am not naturally organized or patient.
I am enjoying reading the other ladies (and gentleman’s) comments and encouragement.
I’m actually doing a whole series about this on my blog! I blog mainly for young women with little ones (because that’s the stage I’m in). I’ve a good response, but I’m mainly doing it because it’s helping me stay accountable! I can’t give challenges unless I complete them myself! Check it out!
I had to laugh…..you are so real!!!
I am the oldest of 11 so my mom went through this and I suppose I will too, but a bit differently with boys…My mom though felt like she had to relearn how to cook, and do things again as we had taken over and then got married, left home. It was also difficult because for awhile we lived really close (attached apt) and it was hard to realize there had to be boundaries as there was two families, it is sort of the same with a married or betrothed daughter. It was hard for me to switch over to my husband from my dad, when we lived so close, it was confusing as suddenly it felt like having two heads! It was not a good thing!
anyhow, hope you enjoy your chicks! i would just say keep them in a cage or something when you out them outside so birds do not carry them off and skunks do not get them either. They can even take a larger one too.
Oh, something that is really good to remember is to make sure that you all rotate jobs….. in our home there was me who enjoyed cooking, my sister next who did sewing and the next one did outdoor work and helped dad alot. It worked well at home, but later now that we have our own homes, we all had to learn some more stuff on our own like the sister who worked outdoors alot and with dad, is great with computers and stuff, but has a harder time planning meals and cooking, grocery shopping. I struggle with things like sewing etc.
This way then mom does not feel out of control in the kitchen if she is in charge of it for one week while they take over the other things and rotating gives a more well rounded preparing for life.
I do not see it as disrespectful about the kitchen thing as it was not that we kicked my mom out of the kitchen, she was very thankful we took over as she had little ones and babies to nurse and care for. In fact her last pregnancies she said were much easier because she had older girls who took over.
But I think it is is something good to remember to keep rotating!
Dear Stacy,
Thanks for being “real” in this area! I have two teenagers and an 8 year old, and I find myself balancing two different directions and also helping them to meet–a challenging position. I didn’t know how to articulate my thoughts or why I felt busier with two teenagers than I did with 3 kids under 7 :), but I’m starting to have a better idea. I needed the encouragement–thanks so much for bringing it up!
Krista
Stacy, I was readind about needing organization in your time schedule. My suggestion to you is to check out http://www.titus2.com. They have a thing called MOTH(managers of their chores). It is very popular with larger families. The Maxwells, who created it are wonderful people. As a matter of fact, the Dugger family, in Arkansas, who have 17? children, they use it. Just check it out. I think you will really like it. Melodie Barton
Hi Melodie,
I used the MOTH book years ago when my children were smaller. I found some very helpful things in it, but like everything I modified it to meet my needs – I didn’t really use it exactly the way they had it laid out. It worked out well then, but like I said, things change when you have several adult children living in the home.
Most people would say we are very organized. Our house is clean, everyone has chores, we have a “workable” schedule, we are home all day – I’m actually quite a neat freak, so things are in order.
My point was the “out of control” feeling of having adult children in the house. I’m trying to sort through exactly what I mean here When they’re little you can manage the little ones easily. You can train them to do everything the way you want it done, you can set guidelines on how they arrange their drawers, organize their closets, clean their rooms etc. And nobody messes up your kitchen! LOL
When they grow up – and they’re still home, you have to let some of that go and allow them to do things “their way.” They need to stretch their wings. A friend shared with me how she finally realized that her daughter could load the dishwasher a different way than she did at it was still ok! LOL!
The frustrating part comes when that starts to affect “mom territory.” Especially if mom has an opinion on how the kitchen is arranged, how clean the house should be, where everybody’s “stuff” should sit during the day etc. (I hate clutter) It just doesn’t “feel” as organized as it used to and I”m trying to figure out where to draw the line.
How much of it really doesn’t matter and how much of it is a matter of “losing ground” in managing the home?
I haven’t read all of the comments, so this may have been mentioned before… but have you ever tried MOTH (Managers of Their Homes) by Stave and Terry Maxwell? It is a wonderful scheduling system that works with all different types of families. No, I am not on staff or anything, and I don’t get a commission on sales either, lol. But I have used it for years and just love, love, love it! I actually wrote a post of my own on my schedule http://tomatosoupcake.blogspot.com/2008/01/this-is-not-new-years-resolution-repeat.html MOTH worked when I had babies and it still works now that my youngest is 9yo and the rest are teens. They have a website titustwo.com if you’d like to check it out further.
oooops, sorry, I guess I should have read all the comments first!
I do hear what you are saying about letting the olders do things in their own way, yet balancing that with still being the keeper of one’s own home. My 17yo is in the process of taking over the laundry this year, and I do admit to struggling. In my case I vacillate between wanting things done exactly as I have always done them (after all it is *my* house, right?) and letting her find her own rhythm.. and then dashing down to the laundry and putting through several loads myself in my own way, lol.
In other words, I have yet to find a balance myself. So, I don’t have any answers, but I can commiserate((hugs))
We’re not totally to your stage yet but my son works at least two full days a week and sometimes more. I find myself getting irritated because I have to check his schedule in addition to my husbands. Normally, everything has been preplanned, such as music lessons, well ahead of time. The Lord has been working on my not expecting everything to go as I planned it. Come to think of it, I think He’s been doing that since I had my first baby. I must be hard to teach :)!!
We canceled our chickens last week! They had been intended to fill needs for gainful employment over a large age span. I know just what you are talking about.
Today I made a list of everything that needs to be stored in the garage, playroom and laundry room so that there is room for painting (little fingers), darts (big fingers practicing hospitality), workshop, sewing and a wee science lab ahem! The list did not fit on the page, and the stuff won't fit on the shelves either.
Our goal is a productive household for all ages and I know God has a plan though I am still in the process. A few things that have worked:
Dog training and care requires diligence, is fun when the family gets to watch tricks and occurs outside! The grass . . . well I think a drainage issue helped wash it away.
Volley ball has become a good Saturday family night event. We have shared it with extended families but not friends yet. Middle to older children to grandparents play. Younger children climb the tree house to cheer or keep score.
We have two tables so that one can be used in a pinch for a meal if the other is filled with play dough or advanced sewing or anything in between. When both were filled the last rainy weekend we broke out snack tables! It was really fun. We have set up two work surfaces in the play room so that we won't find the snack tables full too one day.
Anyway we hope to have chickens again soon. We had three that were great fun. The last batch was mail ordered and so could only be 25 chicks or more. I was all for it when we ordered but the day before well I "chickened out".
Blessings