April 16, 2008 by Stacy McDonald
A College Girl with a Heart for Home
“Hi, I had a question about daughters at home. I’m 22 and not married. I moved out of home at 17 (I had graduated high school by then, from a combination of public school and Christian). I then went into missions and I’m now at college. I come from a culturally Christian family; I grew up going to church but it was a Sunday thing and that was it.
In my situation, I don’t have the option of staying at home, my parents wanted me to go to college, have a career, etc. I agree with you that daughters at home and homeschooling are biblical and the best ways, but, what about girls like me? I’m having to support myself; and I now live in a different country to my parents. God has blessed that to an extreme!
It wasn’t until I lived away from my family’s influence that I could seek God and find a relationship with Him. I’m trying to live how God wants me to live, but not sure where to go from here.” ~ Caitlin
The most important thing to remember is that God is sovereign! He uses all things (and situations) for our good and His glory. If this is the way He has orchestrated events for you, be assured He will use every moment of it to do a work in you – and those around you.
The question is where to go from here! What are your goals? God has created men and women very differently and while being a wife and mother isn’t the only way women glorify and serve Him, it’s one of the most wonderful (and important)! That’s not to say that God doesn’t powerfully use unmarried women for His glory—we know that He does!
But many women today are taught they must be independent and (at least somewhat) androgynous. In most cases, femininity is not celebrated and marriage and motherhood are viewed as something to eventually consider; but only after you’ve had a little “fun,” finished college, or proved that you could succeed elsewhere. It’s that “secondary” thing you do, rather than something to seriously and actively prepare for, and to joyfully pursue.
There are many young ladies whose parents don’t understand their daughters’ need for protection; some are against the idea. Other young women may not even have parents at all (either through death or abandonment)! But again, God has orchestrated each life for His ultimate purpose; and God has obviously done a mighty work in you despite your parents’ limitations or failings (and all of us parents fail our children in various ways).
So seek His face, but while doing that, remember that the thinking in our culture is no longer heavily influenced by Scripture. Being politically correct is more popular than being godly. Most of us have been thoroughly educated in the school of relativism, rather than the school of Scripture. So let the Word of God renew your mind as you view everything through the lens of Scripture; and by prayer and supplication make your requests known to God.
Feminism is affecting women in more powerful (and subtle) ways than ever before – even Christian women. What are your goals as a Christian woman? Do you hope God will bless you with a husband and children to raise up for His glory? Is your heart to be a homemaker? Then actively prepare for and pursue that goal. Pray to that end. Look for ways that God may open the door for it to happen. And in the midst of it, be content where He has you – knowing that He directs your steps.
By the way, we have seen God do some amazing things in the lives of many a young woman whose desire was to be at home. One encouraging thing we’ve seen is how God has opened the hearts of families to take young ladies into their homes as what you might call “homemaking interns!” One young lady I know was raised in a very dysfunctional home with no father. A Christian family took her in to help with the homeschooling and housework – as well as to become “part of the family.” Both sides have been blessed beyond words! You never know how our faithful and creative God will work things out!
May the Lord richly bless you as you seek His face, and as He guides your every step!
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6, NKJV)
[I would like to add that it is not a sin for a young woman to attend college. Christian women should be well educated and prepared for every good work. However, Scripture is clear, women should also be equipped to train and care for their children and to manage their homes with excellence. This doesn't happen by accident.]
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15 Responses to “A College Girl with a Heart for Home”
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Dear Caitlin,
Are you a member of a church? Maybe you can use some of your free time to help out a mother in the church. I would encourage you to focus on serving others and spending time around Christian families. I only became a Christian after going to college and becoming a teacher and it is a constant battle to undo the “support yourself and don’t rely on any man to support you” philosophy that I was taught. God’s Word cleanses and renews our mind- praise God!
Theresa
I want to point a couple of things out about taking young ladies into our homes, from the voice of experience. First, the young lady must have a teachable spirit. Caitlin sounds like she does, I’m speaking in a general manner. Second, that communication must happen about expectations on both parts. The young lady will be an influence on the other children in the home and if she is not on the same page with the parents it can be a negative thing in the home.
Hi Kim,
Thank you for the reminder! That’s a very good point. I would also add that it probably depends on whether or not the husband in the house is a strong Christian or not.
I have seen positive examples of this, but I can also see how it could be a disaster if wisdom and discernment aren’t used.
Also, I would definitely not have a young lady who was not part of the family living in our home if we had teen sons – regardless of how solid a Christian she was.
There are many, many of us who were not raised to seek God’s will for us as women. I, too, finished college, got married and had my daughter before I found a local church that does more than just ‘tickle my ears’ – a church that teaches the ‘how to’ of being a godly woman through Sunday sermons AND group or individual Bible studies. The need of finding and becoming a member of a local church cannot be overstated.
Caitlin, I recommend you search out the scriptures to determine the doctrine you believe and than plant yourself in a local church that will feed your spirit! No doubt there you will find women (of different ages) that can share the blessing of seeking God’s will for your life – married or single.
You certainly have taken a good step in asking for advice – keep going. I can assure you (after coming home 4 years ago) it is worth it!
Hi Mrs. McDonald! :-)
I hope that you’re all doing well.
I have a friend who is in the opposite position of the girl who wrote you.
My friend is homeschooled, and is going to be graduating soon. She says that she WANTS to stay home, but that the Lord has told her that He wants her to go the college and go into the ministry.
She is adamant that to stay home would be the easy thing to do and that God wants her to do the hard thing and go to college, and she is NOT open to any other ideas.
I am praying that God would show her what He truly wants for her life. She has a nice family who wouldn’t mind if she stayed home, but her older sisters are in college, so it would be hard for her to not do what they are doing. :-\
I enjoy reading your blog! :-)
I’m looking forwards to seeing you in May! :-)
Have a good evening!
Joy
That was excellent Stacy. I like the idea of a “homemaking intern.”
I agree with Kim about the teachable spirit and the effect it would have on the whole family, if the young lady is not in agreement with the parents.
I grew up wanting to be a wife and homemaker was not encouraged to prepare or pursue. God brought alone a godly mentor for me who gave me a vision for marriage and motherhood! I am now the blessed mom of 6 children and my husband and I have been married for 20 years! God is good!
What a wonderful post!
I was thinking the other day,… if you would look on websites at what the most popular and ‘visited’ blogs are, it is blogs that gossip about celebrities, or blogs that hurt and slander others.
Oh how I pray that a blog like yours, a blog that helps and edify’s others, would be the most popular blog on the web!! That women could be exposed to the HEALTHY and TRUTHFUL Word of God!!
This was a wonderful entry, and should be posted over and over and over again!! To every mom and every dad!!
Blessings to you!
Amanda
I came from a situation much like Caitlin’s. Caitlin, if you are reading this, I pray you will be encouraged! :) I moved back with my parents, and I really feel the Lord used me to “ignite” my parents’ faith. I am now married and that is when I left my parents’ home. I now look back on that time as *such* a blessing and a wonderful thing that the Lord used in ways I never thought could happen! May the Lord watch over you, Caitlin!
Stacy, thank you for your kind words to this young lady. I too am a college student with a heart for home, only I have parents who let me stay home while I attend. It really feels best this way. I love to travel and I don’t know if I and my future husband will stay in town, but right now I’m happiest right where I am; I know this is home. All people must learn to stretch their wings and some women are ready sooner than others, but in the meantime, what better place to learn how to fly than the very nest you were born in? :)
Joy, it sounds like the young dove you know is quite eager to launch from her own nest. If she is truly heeding God, He will leave her in no doubt as to what His plans are for her. I’ll keep her in my prayers too.
Just out of curiosity, in regards to the young lady you referenced, in what way was the home she was from dysfunctional?
It has been suggested elsewhere that you may have defined “dysfunctional” as someone who was from a home where “the girl is in college and not under her father’s protection.” If that’s true, then who gets to define “functional?” You?
Hi Liz,
Webster defines “dysfunctional” this way, “Abnormal or unhealthy interpersonal behavior or interaction within a group.”
When I use the term “dysfunctional home,” I’m talking about a troubled home where the parent is unable or unwilling to properly care for him/her self, much less properly meet the needs of a child. I’m referencing a home where the parent(s)’ compulsive behavior negatively affects the rest of the family (alcoholism, drug abuse, mental illness, sexual promiscuity, pornography, physical or sexual abuse, consistent screaming/fighting etc.).
In the example I gave in the article, the daughter was already grown and living on her own. The Christian family that took her in provided the role model she needed; the one she had not received while living in her own home. She witnessed a God-glorifying marriage, loving interaction between parents and children, and Godly conflict resolution skills. She received the love she had never known and learned how to function in a Christian home – something that had been completely foreign to her.
She is not yet married, but I am sure that when the time comes, she will be a radiant example of a loving, godly, and dedicated wife and mother. I thank God for families like this that are willing to be the hands and feet of Christ in the lives of those in need. They do truly make a difference.
Hi Joy,
I am looking forward to seeing you in May too!
Pray for your friend. God changes hearts. Sometimes it’s difficult to be the first one in a family to do things “differently.” Perhaps she’s afraid of what her sisters will think. Has she considered college from home? Or at least attending while still living at home?
All you can do is be her friend, pray for her, and gently offer counsel when God gives you opportunity.
I just wanted to say hi and let you know that I’ve been reading your blog for a short while now and I am very encouraged by it. I just finished reading Passionate Hoousewives and it has truly blessed me as a wife (and hopefully future mother).
Thank you for what you are doing.
Genieve
Just found your blog. It is wonderful, I will be back!
Hi Stacy!!
This post is wonderful. ;) I love being a “home maker intern!”
:) :) Love and prayers