February 27, 2008 by Stacy McDonald
Why Western civilization must learn to procreate or perish
It looks like someone’s getting nervous…
Dallas News Article:
By Rod Dreher
Civilization depends on the health of the traditional family.
That sentiment has become a truism among social conservatives, who typically can’t explain what they mean by it. Which is why it sounds like right-wing boilerplate to many contemporary ears.
The late Harvard sociologist Carle C. Zimmerman believed it was true, but he also knew why. In 1947, he wrote a massive book to explain why latter-day Western civilization was now living through the same family crisis that presaged the fall of classical Greece and Rome. His classic Family and Civilization, which has just been republished in an edited version by ISI Press, is a chillingly prophetic volume that deserves a wide new audience.
In all civilizations, Dr. Zimmerman theorized, there are three basic family types. The “trustee” family is tribal and clannish, and predominates in agrarian societies. The “domestic” family model is a middle type centering on the nuclear family ensconced in fairly strong extended-family bonds; it’s found in civilizations undergoing rapid development. The final model is the “atomistic” family, which features weak bonds between and within nuclear families; it’s the type that emerges as normative in advanced civilizations.
When the Roman Empire fell in the fifth century, the strong trustee families of the barbarian tribes replaced the weak, atomistic Roman families as the foundation of society.
Churchmen believed that a social structure that broke up the ever-feuding clans and gave the individual more freedom would be better for society’s stability and spent centuries reforming the European family toward domesticity. The natalist worldview advocated by churchmen knit tightly religious faith, family loyalty and child bearing.
From the 10th century on, the domestic family model ruled Europe through its greatest cultural efflorescence. But then came the Reformation and the Enlightenment, shifting culture away from tradition and toward the individual. Thus, since the 18th century, the atomistic family has been the Western cultural norm.
Here’s the problem: Societies ruled by the atomistic family model, with its loosening of constraints on its individual members, quit having enough children to carry on. They become focused on the pleasures of the present. Eventually, these societies expire from lack of manpower, which itself is a manifestation of a lack of the will to live.
It happened to ancient Greece. It happened to ancient Rome. And it’s happening to the modern West. The sociological parallels are startling.
Immigration has kept U.S. population growing. But 60 years ago, Dr. Zimmerman predicted that when Mexico dried up as a source of immigrants, “we too will begin the grand finale of the crisis.” U.N. demographers predict that the Mexican fertility rate will drop below replacement levels by about 2020.
(To be sure, fertility rates are in free fall worldwide, but the West has a running head start. Demographically, what counts is who’s left standing when the population bottoms out. The numbers do not favor us.)
Why should expanding individual freedoms lead to demographic disaster? Because cultures that don’t organize their collective lives around the family create policies and structures that privilege autonomous individuals, at the family’s expense. Sustaining families is difficult and costly. History shows that when a culture ceases to value children above all, when traditional marriage and family structure is seen as merely an option, that culture will cease to have enough offspring to sustain itself.
In years to come, the state will attempt economic incentives, or something more draconian, to spur childbirth. Europe, which is falling off a demographic cliff, is already offering economic incentives, with scant success. Materialist measures only seem to help at the margins.
Why? Dr. Zimmerman was not religious, but he contended that the core problem was a loss of faith. Religions that lack a strong pro-fertility component don’t survive over time, he observed; nor do cultures that don’t have a powerfully natalist religion.
“Mothers will not bear the pains of childbirth nor fathers the worries of parenthood for economic rewards alone,” he wrote. “Fundamentally, people are familistic because they think it right and for no other reason.”
Dr. Zimmerman disdained his academic colleagues, who in his view denied history because the facts led them to conclusions they didn’t want to accept.
James Kurth, the distinguished Swarthmore political scientist who edited the new version of Family and Civilization, says that book’s publication made one of the nation’s premier sociologists a politically incorrect nonperson overnight.
Why should we read Dr. Zimmerman today? For one thing, the future isn’t fated. We might learn from history and make choices that avert the calamities that overtook Greece and Rome.
Given current trends, that appears unlikely. Therefore, the wise will recognize that the subcultures that survive the demographic collapse will be those that sacrificially embrace natalist values over materialist ones – which is to say, those whose religious convictions inspire them to have relatively large families, despite the social and financial cost.
That doesn’t mean most American Christians, who have accepted modernity’s anti-natalism. No, that means traditionalist Catholics, “full-quiver” Protestants, ultra-Orthodox Jews, pious Muslims and other believers who reject modernity’s premises.
Like it or not, the future belongs to the fecund faithful.
Does that scare you? It does Philip Longman. In his 2004 book, The Empty Cradle, he warns fellow secular liberals that demography is destiny and that those who want to preserve modernity must start having more children than “fundamentalists.”
Good luck with that. Given Dr. Zimmerman’s analysis, it’s hard to see how anything short of a profound, countercultural religious revival can turn this around. While we late moderns eat, drink and make merry, the Harvard scholar lamented, “very little public knowledge of the nearness, the inescapability or the seriousness of this impending crisis exists.”
Forewarned is forearmed – but only if one takes the warning seriously.
Rod Dreher is a Dallas Morning News editorial columnist. His e-mail address is rdreher@dallasnews.com.
One of our readers posted a link for Demographic Winter and I would encourage everyone to take a look at the trailer for this startling documentary!
Similar Posts:
39 Responses to “Why Western civilization must learn to procreate or perish”
Leave a Reply
Please note: Comment moderation is currently enabled so there will be a delay between when you post your comment and when it shows up. Patience is a virtue; there is no need to re-submit your comment.
Thanks for posting this! Our entire family has been having a lively ongoing discussion on this very topic for several months now, since reading Mark Steyn’s book, America Alone.
This book opened our eyes to the indisputability of statistics/numbers. And it is a humorous way to illustrate what Mr. Dreher is saying. How foolish to ignore God’s laws of sowing and reaping! God willing, we will be part of the solution because of obedience to His command to be fruitful and multiply.
Thanks for posting this! Our family has been having a lively ongoing discussion on this very topic for several months now, since reading Mark Steyn’s book, America Alone. This book is a humorous read and nicely illustrates what Mr. Dreher is saying.
How foolish when people(s) try to outwit God’s laws of sowing and reaping! God willing, we will be part of the solution by obedience to His command to be fruitful and multiply!
Are you familiar with the soon-to-be released documentary entitled Demographic Winter? The trailer looks very interesting and only confirms, as your post explains, what we know in our deepest hearts is true: we are in big trouble. See the trailer at http://www.demographicwinter.com.
I was not familiar with this documentary. Wow! Thank you so much for posting the link!!!!
And yet, the general population continues to propagate the ZPG myth. Recently some of Andy’s colleagues were giving him a hard time about our large family at a dental meeting when the featured speaker told them they should be thanking him instead– the man was a financial analyst who sees the grim economic future of a lack of an up and coming workforce. That’s the least of our worries.
You are so close to being grandparents! How is she doing?
That was FANTASTIC! Thank you so much for posting this. I can’t wait to get my hands on some of this literature. These are all thoughts I’ve been musing over the past couple of years, and it’s awesome to see these thoughts put together in much more coherent sense than what was bumping arond in my head (:))and backed with much research! I love how God’s ways ALWAYS prosper, always prove faithful and trustworthy! Be fruitful and multiply and stand amazed at all the wonders God could do with our faithfulness to this!! Thanks again for the post!
Mrs. McDonald,
Thanks for posting this…it’s SO true! Americans(and Canadians, and Europeans) could very well be headed to instinction unless they start having more children.
I get slightly annoyed when people say to my parents(who have 8 children), “Hey, we know God said to go forth and fill the earth, but He didn’t say you had to do it yourselves!” God’s plan was for the world to have more children than they have been lately, and it will be our/their downfall if we/they don’t. It also says women will be saved in childbirth…wow, great!
So, thank you once more for your encouraging blog. God bless!
Abby
This is so sobering. Who couldn’t see the hand of the Lord in this? Wow.
(BTW, the link to view “Demographic Winter” in the actual post didn’t work for me, but I copied and pasted the link provided by Marcia, and that got me there.)
Hi Kendra,
Thanks for asking – Christa is doing well – just getting impatient. Timing every Braxton Hick, you know! LOL Had a false alarm 2 weeks ago!
We are getting anxious to see this little one too, but he seems to be taking his time. :-)
Thanks, Karen. The link should work now.
I believed the feminist propaganda and waited until my mid-30′s to have kids. By then I started to develop health problems. I ‘m blessed to have 2 healthy children, but unable to have more. I wish I had found the Lord earlier in my life-would have had many more! Sometimes I feel like such a failure in the eyes of God to only have 2 children.
Paula,
It’s important for you to remember that God is sovereign. If you believed a lie in the past, then you can thank God He chose to reveal to you the truth now. It is HIS work in you!
Praise Him for where you are now and if you’ve repented for a lack of faith in the past, then you need to accept God’s forgiveness and also forgive yourself.
By the way, having “only” two children, as you said, is not the mark of a failure. The point is that God is the opener and closer of the womb. To some He gives many, to some He gives just one – to others He chooses to not give any. It is not a mark of “spirituality” to have numerous children.
Also, as an aside, some have many children and are not fulfilling their responsibility in training them properly.
There is much more to it than having lots of children.
What do you say about those who can’t have many children? I mean, I only have one sibling; but my mom physically couldn’t have any more children. She had two miscarriages and they said it would be a risk to her life if she were to try again.
My aunt has four children, when she had her last they told her she would probably die if she had another child.
What about the family in our church that makes under $30,000 a year and can barely keep all their children fed? Do you believe that it would be the Lord’s will for them to continue having children that they are not able to provide for? The father is out of a job right now.
Do you think the people in these situations should continue having kids? Do you have scripture for your stance?
I think often people judge a family’s spirituality by the number of children a family has. I once read that people view it as rungs on a spiritual ladder (or something like that).
We are saved, born again, skirts-only, bible-believing, homeschooling Christians with a slightly different viewpoint.
“Do you think the people in these situations should continue having kids? Do you have scripture for your stance?”
Hi Anonymous,
I normally don’t approve anonymous posts (especially seemingly combative ones) unless the writer has written me privately with an email address and a “real” name, as well as a reason for needing to write privately.
However, I decided to approve yours (at least this time) so that we can address some of your questions.
First of all, I’m wondering if you read my comment above regarding God’s sovereignty. Having “more” children than someone else is certainly not an indication of being “more spiritual” and I think I made that clear. Though having children IS considered a blessing/reward, according Scripture.
As far as your question about what we think someone else should do, I would have to say that I have enough trouble trying to decide what I should do myself! LOL Thankfully, it appears these families you refer to have their own fathers to lead them, so I’m not sure why you want us to tell them what they should do. :-)
The big misconception about being “quiver full” is that if you believe that children are a blessing and you happen to have been given more than a couple of them, there are those who seem to assume you are judging them if they don’t have as many or any at all. Ironically, in so doing, they are the ones doing the judging.
In this post, we are discussing a cultural and even a church-wide decline in the desire to have children – usually because of selfishness and materialism. We are not here to evaluate every single “what-if” situation in individual families or to judge the heart motives of each family.
I will say that I had a very dear friend who was married for many years (her children are now grown). She and her husband came from Christian homes and were married young. They never once used birth control. Yet God gave them only 3 children, which they were very grateful for; but they would have loved more. They were faithful parents and God used their family mightily in many lives.
It broke my heart to hear one day how some people in her church frequently made unkind comments, assuming that she and her husband had used birth control to keep from having more children.
They would have LOVED to have had more, but God gave them three. They had a full quiver – their quiver was full with three, just as it could have been full with just one! That is something to remember.
Our definition of quiver full is not “large family,” it is that we view children as a blessing; we trust God as the opener and closer of the womb; and we recognize our call to take dominion – which would include (but is not limited to) “being fruitful and multiplying.” As Bible believing Christians, we also recognize the responsibility for each man to lead his family as God leads.
I think we can discuss our thinking, biblically, without accusing anyone of “judging” others.
stacey – I think you didn’t really address anonymous’s question and the question that has been on my mind. She asked “Do you believe that it would be the Lord’s will for them to continue having children that they are not able to provide for?” – and i ask too – what do you say to those families who are just getting by and already struggling to provide for their family? Should they wait to have children until they are stable? Yes, God is the provider – but sometimes we have times of struggle where we don’t have enough. Do we just tell people to have kids and that God will provide even though we know that they might still struggle to feed the children they already have?
That is an amazing article! thanks so much for sharing it.
Thank you for this post it is a scary thought. This just came to my attention only a few weeks ago.
On a side note about having many children… I only have two boys and we hope to have more. Recently People out in public have seemed to critisize me for even having those two. They are 21 months apart, so sort of close together.
Just the other day I was at our local mall pushing both of them in a car built for two that you can rent from the mall. At the christian book store a man stopped me and said, “Those things aren’t built for three, that isn’t a bobsled you’re pushing”. I could not believe that he said that. I only have two children!
Hi Jennifer,
If you’re asking what “our” family believes about this, then I will say that we trust God to supply our family’s needs as He blesses us with children. He’s never failed or forsaken us. We believe that since He is the one who blesses us with children, then He will be faithful to help us care for their needs, even if that means sacrifice. We’ve seen His faithfulness in this regard in DRAMATIC ways in numerous families, as well as our own. God doesn’t give us Covenant children and then refuse to care for them.
You said: “Yes, God is the provider – but sometimes we have times of struggle where we don’t have enough.”
Jennifer, sometimes we do have struggles. Sometimes we have downright trials and tribulations. But as children of God, we ALWAYS have “enough.” God always provides for what He calls “our needs.”
“I have been young, and now am old; yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his descendants begging bread.” (Psalm 37:25, NKJV)
However, we do sometimes have trouble differentiating between wants and needs – as well as learning how to be wise stewards with what God provides. We live in a very materialistic time with a skewed vision of what is necessary for our children (college degree for every child, private school, car for teens, televisions, cell phones, sports equipment, video games, name brand this or that), so sometimes people picture a large household with everyone surrounded by “necessary” worldly treasures.
That being said, some families are very frugal and still struggle. It doesn’t mean they are forsaken. Once again, I have never seen a Christian family that is living in obedience starve. In fact, I’ve seen many who accepted more children in faith, and were blessed beyond measure – both with children and with the funds to care for them.
“And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19, NKJV)
“And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.” (2 Corinthians 9:8, NKJV)
I don’t necessarily agree with this statement “But as children of God, we ALWAYS have “enough.” God always provides for what He calls “our needs.” – there are many Christian families starving, especially in other countries. The statement “I have never seen a Christian family that is living in obedience starve.” – what do you think of the Great Depression, and of the times when there is hardship? Again, I would like to point to countries such as Africa and Mexico where good Christian families are starving to death even though they have children and large families.
That was a very interesting post. I am finding that more and more people are choosing not to have kids at all, which is so sad. Here is a question though. What exactly do you mean when you talk about birth control? I ask because my husband and I have been through 6 miscarriages. My last miscarriage was in 2000, and since then we have used natural family planning to avoid pregnancy. I was told recently by a doctor that the doctor who performed the d & c after my first baby passed away ruined my uterus. I have not wanted to go through another miscarriage. It is just too heartbreaking for me. We adopted a beautiful little girl in 2001, and I would love to adopt again, but financially that isn’t an option right now. Is it wrong for me to prevent pregnancy in my circumstance?
I am one of those “who can barely afford” to take care of my brood of children. We have lived below the poverty level for our entire marriage and my husband has probably been unemployed at least 1/3 of the time. I could count off for you the millions of ways God has provided for us, but what would that prove? It is only an argument from emotionalism and personal experience. Such arguments will ultimately fail and give excuse to others to do differently.
Instead we need to go to the scriptures. I agree with Stacy that her opinion on the matter doesn’t mean an iota to what you should do. She has no authority over you or your family or whomever you are talking about. Neither do I. But both of us know what the scriptures teach and I hope you do as well.
This is what the scriptures teach: “Be fruitful and multiply” – a command, yes – a COMMAND, given three times in scripture and NEVER repealed. Birth control in any form is a purposeful attempt to be barren. This is the opposite of fruitfulness. Therefore, when we birth control, for whatever reason (and with whatever means), we are purposing to disobey the command to be fruitful. Disobeying God’s commands is sin. It is that simple.
If you believe you or anyone else is free (or even required, as you seem to be suggesting) to do otherwise you must be able to back this up by scripture, not your experiences and personal opinions on the matter.
Is there a single scripture in the bible that states that we should space our children and/or have only as many as *we* believe or feel we can afford? I am not aware of one. Instead I see the scriptures teaching things like “trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding”, “My God shall supply all your needs”, etc…
To the person who said “but sometimes we have times of struggle where we don’t have enough” … Please, please think about what you are saying here in light of Phil. 4:19. If God promises to supply all of our needs then we are NEVER lacking in anything we need. We may not like what we are given, we may desire more, but we do not need more.
I am not putting this out to start a discussion and will probably not be back to reply to anything, just giving some thoughts on what I believe the scriptures teach on this matter. The scriptures are sufficient for every area of life, even this one. God did not need to give a detailed explanation on what He wanted us to do in every single situation in our lives. If we will look to what He did say and did command, we will find our answer. I hope that you will take that to heart. Let us not trade the clear commands of God – “be fruitful and multiply”, for the traditions of man – “have only as many children as you believe you can afford”, “don’t have more than two children”, etc… If you are unsure what the scriptures teach on the issue of children, please start here http://tiny.cc/Heritage for a very extensive list.
Lastly, and this is not directed at anyone specifically but as a general observation I have made over the last 10 years regarding the attitude of many towards QF couples, I would humbly suggest that you stop assuming that the size of someone else’s family is any of your business. Stop assuming that their lack of birth control is the issue when it appears to *you* that they can not take care of their family. If they have sinned against *you*, then by all means take it up with them in the manner given in scripture to deal with sin. Otherwise, the elders are the ones in authority over them. If they are struggling because the husband is in sin regarding providing for his family, the elder board should take this up with him. Birth control is NOT an antidote to his sin and in fact, may even drive him further into it by perpetuating immaturity and irresponsibility. If their struggle is due to hardship not brought on by sin (lay-off at work, medical issues, etc…), then it seems to me that you might be less concerned with their fecundity and more concerned with *your* responsibility to the body of Christ.
Jen, I hope you don’t mind me replying to you since I am not Stacy but I have a few thoughts for you…
First I am sorry to hear about your loss. I am sure that it was something extremely difficult to go through. I do not understand the pain personally, but in the scriptures we find a man who does know the pain of losing 10 of his children. Job penned the words, through inspiration of the Holy Spirit, “And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” Job knew very personally the pain of losing children. But we learn in chapter 42 that he went on to be blessed abundantly with many more sons and daughters and grandchildren.
Two scriptures I would give to you to consider as you seek the Lord’s will on this issue are Gen. 1:28 and 1 Corinthians 7 (re: NFP). If Gen. 1:28 is a command, and I believe it is, then we must humbly obey it regardless of our circumstances. If there are further scriptures which absolve your responsibility to obey it, then by all means continue what you are doing. But if there are not, then you must seek to obey it.
It may be that God would be pleased to close your womb for good. It may be that He would choose to miraculously heal your womb and give you a healthy pregnancy, birth, and child. It may be that He would cause you to miscarry many more children. Whatever He chooses for you will not be outside His will nor will your children’s lives and your pain have been for nought.
I’ve never left a comment here before but really felt I needed to. I freqent your blog often and I am always encouraged and blessed, thank you!
I married young and started having children soon after. After our third child I decided(at the time I thought the Lord had spoken to me)that I just couldn’t have anymore. I had a 4 year old, 2 year old, and now a new born. I was tired and felt like that season in my life would never end. So, after talking it over with my husband, we dedided that he would have a vasectomy. I think because I had allowed my heart to harden, things just seem fine for the next few years that followed. But then my heart began to break and I so very longed for another baby. I have had to repent and cry out to the Lord for His mercy for what we had done. We have looked into reversals but they are very expensive. I guess I just wanted to share incase somebody comes across this discussion and is in the same place I was. My children are such a blessing and I wish I could have more. At that time in my life I was young and very immature, things change. Those seasons we find ourselves in are just that , seasons.
If God is truly soveriegn, then isn’t He soveriegn over every part of our lives?
I believe so, I just wish I would of reaized it sooner.
For the last anonymous poster… Please take a look at http://www.blessedarrows.org/. They help fund reversal surgeries for those who need financial assistance.
nickey – I disagree about your statement regarding birth control and those who choose not to be “fruitful and multiply” as sinning. No where in the Bible does it say we are sinning when we choose not to have babies. This verse you pull out is not a command.
Much could be said in response, but only one comment is essential: Genesis 1:28 is not a commandment, but a blessing. It does not refer to what humans must do to please God, but to what God does for and through humankind. The text says, “God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply’. Fertility is not a command but a blessing that God gives to his creatures, to animals as well as humans (Gen. 1:22).In English it is easy to confuse blessing and command, because the blessing of Genesis 1:28 sounds like a command. This verse and its context is often called the cultural mandate. Instead, we should call it the cultural blessing. A look at Genesis 24:60 shows why. There, Rebekah’s family is about to send her off to marry Isaac- “And they blessed Rebekah, and said to her, ‘Our sister, be the mother of thousands of ten thousands; and may your descendants possess the gate of those who hate them!’”Here again, the first part of the blessing (“be the mother”) sounds like a command in English. But it is not. The human blessing appeals to God to make Rebekah and her descendants fruitful. In the next generation, when this blessing does not come for Rachel, Jacob angrily responds to her complaint, saying, “Am I in the place of God?” (Gen. 30:2) The Hebrew grammar of blessing in Genesis 24:60 is identical to that in Genesis 1:28. But in English, the blessing comes through more clearly in the second clause of Genesis 24:60: “may your descendants possess”. In Genesis 1:28, of course, it is God who declares the blessing and fulfills it himself. So it would be inappropriate for the English translation to read, “May you be fruitful.”
What is the upshot of all this? God does not command humans to be fruitful. Rather, he himself will bless his creatures and see to it that they are fruitful. He has provided for this by making us male and female, by investing our humanness with sexual desire and love, and by ordaining marriage as the place for, among other things, joyful lovemaking. Marriage is also the God-given matrix from which family naturally springs, the place where children may be born and reared with love and wisdom, “in the fear of the Lord.” The biblical blessings show that marriage is the natural and safe place for humans to be open to, and even eager for, God’s gift of children.
We must beware of confusing matters. God gave this blessing to the human race as a whole. He does not give it to everyone. Some couples are barren, and their earnest prayers for children are not fulfilled. Others, like the apostle Paul, are called to life without marriage.
If Genesis 1:28 were a “command” that applied to every individual, then Paul would have been disobedient in his apostolic singleness. Paul and everyone else would be obligated to pursue marriage and to order their marriages to produce many descendants.
“We must beware of confusing matters. God gave this blessing to the human race as a whole. He does not give it to everyone. Some couples are barren, and their earnest prayers for children are not fulfilled. Others, like the apostle Paul, are called to life without marriage.
If Genesis 1:28 were a “command” that applied to every individual, then Paul would have been disobedient in his apostolic singleness. Paul and everyone else would be obligated to pursue marriage and to order their marriages to produce many descendants.”
Well said, Kristie!
i agree with Kristie. I don’t believe that birth control is forbidden in the Bible. I don’t believe that those who choose to control the number of children they have are sinning. For instance, if God is the opener and closer of the womb, who cares what precautions a family might take… God could STILL cause a woman to become pregnant. So… for one, I don’t think it’s a sin. Secondly, either God is completely in control or he isn’t. If someone chooses to go on birth control, that is not saying that if it is God’s will for that person to have a baby, they won’t. I have known of quite a few women to get pregnant while on birth control.
BTW, I am not saying that bad families are large! Also, like Stacey, I definitely don’t claim to know what’s best for your family. I’m just saying what I think.
I may be way off here, but wouldn’t it be impossible to “resist” (by using birth control)having the children God intended for you? If God’s will is always done, then it follows that the children He wants you to have will be born?
We have “only” 3 children and I do regret not having more-I did use contraception after the last one. But maybe it is God’s will for us. I have a cousin who had a baby 2 weeks ago, unplanned, since her husband had a vasectomy after their last baby a few years ago, but they are very happy about the baby. This made me think that this baby was meant to be (by God) since she came to be despite her dad’s vasectomy.
(I am “working” on my children to want larger families when they marry!)
I don’t believe it’s a sin to use birth control, but it is odd.
In the Bible, children are a blessing. We don’t put limits on God’s other blessings, but children seem to be limited quite a bit these days. It’s as if people say, “Oh no, God, don’t give us more than 2 blessings. We don’t want them!” or, “Your blessings are too much work for us, LORD.” etc.
That’s my two cents.
Blessings!
Abby :)
I have to wonder if our generation (those of us at the age of bearing children) has such a resistance to having children and such an overwhelming sense of responsibility on behalf of each new life introduced on this earth, in part because we have grown up in a society with such a distorted, disrupted, illogical and sad view and experience of family. The thought of having more than two children (or for some even two children or any children at all) seems so overwhelming because we have been raised on a diet of junk psychology about family, values, and priorities, and for many of us our experiences have been of broken homes where children were not cared for wholly, where careers and personal time came first at the expense of our maturity, compassion and for many of us, even our innocence.
Now here we are, stepping up into the place of the generation that went before us, with very little knowledge, understanding of, compassion for or commitment to family and children. The “waves” created by the life of one child added to a family seem tremendous and we have a hard time finding solid footing in our world views and faith that God can take care of all our needs specifically when it comes to children and families.
All this to say that the problem has been and is for sure becoming more complex than pursuit of a career or over-population indoctrination.
Our generation (as a whole, of course for many individuals here and there this is not true) has little experience with family bonds, hard work, service to others, the beauty of personal suffering and sacrifice for the good of a greater whole (family) and, in short, we are terrified to have children, because so many of us (especially those from secularly minded families) have not experienced the beauty of a solid, God-fearing family, so we feel at an absolute loss when we imagine ourselves being able to develop such a thing (a loving, thriving, healthy family willing to have children should God so bless us). It is easier to rely on our planning and reasoning to have a job or career, make money, and have children if time, finances and feelings allow. And this conclusion is so familiar to so many of us because it was how we were raised.
Coming from this background I can tell you it is a terrifying thing to consider letting go of my control to become pregnant or not and letting “whatever” may happen, happen.
Thanks, ladies, for sharing all of your opinions and experiences. We are all becoming sharp irons as we work out these issues.
Thank you Stacey for posting this article and link. It is absolutely fascinating.
The most eye-opening statement to me was that if political and policy-making circles would be willing to put “political correctness” aside (something that should be done away with anyway!) this information would become much more public and possibly even initiate a change.
Nicky if feel there needs to be some correction here. God does not cause destruction. He may lift His hedge of protection if there is any sin in his/her life. The first chapter of Job explains that. Remember Job was a godly and prosperous man but he was consumed with worry.
Also remember King David. His wife Micheal (Saul’s daughter) was barren. She was bitter because David had so many wives and was force to come back to him. Nonetheless that repressed bitterness made her barren. Sin leaves the door open for Satan to kill, steal and destroy. Search your hearts because following the golden rule is not enough.
God Bless you
We who raise children dedicated to the God of the Bible need to be on guard. The modernists may not be having children, but they’re certainly doing what they can to recruit ours into their modernistic belief system. We give birth to the children and pay their way through the world and they just try to swoop down and grab them away from us.
I thank God for His promise that if we raise a children in His Truth, they will not depart from it.
Hi Stacy,
Thank you for hightlighting this issue.
A couple of years ago, I read an article in the WSJ that may have been by Longman. I think it was called, “The Roe Effect”. It was about the demographics of abortion. The theory put forth in the article was that Al Gore would have won the 2000 election by a landslide if abortion on demand had never been decreed the law of the land.
Another little demographic factoid I culled from a recent article is that the Russian army is projected to be majority Muslim by the end of the decade. And, if we look at the birth dearth in old Europe, the “Grand Mufti” of Canterbury’s recent pronouncements on Sharia law look a bit more frightening than they otherwise might.
I also wanted to recommend the P.D. James novel, “The Children of Men”, which presents a stark picture of demographic winter. Much, much better than the movie (even if the movie starred my favorite actor!).
Kamilla
(sorry for posting as “anonymous”, blogger hates me and won’t let me post under either of my identities!)
“Therefore, when we birth control, for whatever reason (and with whatever means), we are purposing to disobey the command to be fruitful. Disobeying God’s commands is sin. It is that simple.”
I disagree very strongly about that, nickey. There are many very valid and even vital reasons to use birth control; sometimes it’s a matter of saving a woman’s life. The order to “be fruitful and multiply” was given to Adam and Eve, when there were only two people in the world; that’s a very big difference between the number here today. If a family uses birth control, it’s their choice and a very private one that’s not to be judged or questioned by outsiders. God never meant for a woman to think that her soul would be saved literally through childbirth, or Christ’s sacrifice would mean nothing and every barren/single woman would be damned.
“Otherwise, the elders are the ones in authority over them.”
The elders have no authority over family heads or private family decisions. If the husband and wife have made a decision to use or not use birth control or what have you, this is their business. You said not to judge those who seem to have “too many” children? The opposite is also true: if they have no children, by design or no, it’s not anyone else’s business either.
I wanted to reply to something Lauren wrote. Lauren said, “if God is the opener and closer of the womb, who cares what precautions a family might take… God could STILL cause a woman to become pregnant.”
I have a very good example of how true that is! I have a close relative that had 3 children, and they decided they were done with having any more. Much to the shock of my relative, she found out she was pregnant again (even though they used precautions). Their youngest at the time was 7. She ended up miscarrying the baby, which was very hard for her. Two years later, she found out that she was pregnant again. They had used precautions, and she was completely stumped as to how in the world she could have gotten pregnant. They were extremely careful. They now have a beautiful little boy added their their family. So obviously if God wants you to have more children, He will make it happen :).
So often it is we women who are pressed to consider the issues of childbearing. Rarely has my husband of 26 years been asked, “Are you going to have any more children?” On the other hand I have been asked this question repeatedly (as if its up to me!). I guess that is good reason to be well equipped to give a sound answer theologically, not just emotionally, logically, or scientifically. That was what drove me many years ago to search the Word of God to cultivate a Biblical worldview in this area. I found over and over again in the Word of God that the words “be fruitful”, “prosper you”, and “multiply” were almost always directly associated with the word “bless”. God’s design for bringing two people together in marriage is inseparable from his intent to bless them, not with possessions and earthly riches primarily (though at times He gives these too), but His means of blessing is so directly linked to bringing increase of children. This excited me and provoked me to renew my mind about receiving children. Early in our marriage, my husband and I concluded from the Bible that our sexuality did not so much belong to us as to the Lord and for HIS purposes. We have delighted that part of God’s purpose for this gift is to give us intimacy and pleasure as a married couple; to refresh us and unite us. But God’s purposes for our marriage union is also designed to bring us blessing in children as well. HE has made our bodies to procreate, ON PURPOSE, for OUR blessing and HIS glory, HIS purposes. He wants godly seed. How can we rob God of what he delights in? And in so doing, we rob ourselves.
Left to ourselves, apart from the life-giving Word of God, we would have limited God from blessing us abundantly. But we show a mistrust of God when we give ourselves to vain imaginations of what “might” happen if we let God give us as many children as He chooses for us. We found that it is foolish to worry of what might happen at some future time when our house might be full of 20 children staring at us from hollow eyes. It is presumptuous to assume that God would give us any more children at all. Instead, we found that we only need grace for our present circumstances and that He has always given abundantly if we are humble enough to receive it. At 25, I didn’t need grace for 4 active children, I only needed grace for the 3 He had given us at that time. I didn’t need grace for 2 miscarriages, I only needed grace for the 1 loss I had at 23, and God was faithful. At 30, I didn’t need grace for 7 children, I only needed it for the 6 God had given. And there was plenty of grace for us to endure and prevail through the difficulties and challenges of that season. At 35, I didn’t need grace and wisdom for 9 children, I only needed it for 8. “Do not worry about tomorrow for today has enough trouble of its own.” And plenty of joy too. At 40, I didn’t need grace for 11 children, I only needed grace for the 10 children God had blessed us with. I didn’t need grace for 3 miscarriages only for the second loss of a precious baby at age 39. And now at 46, I don’t need grace for 12 children, but only for the 11 wonderful blessings that God has given us to nurture and steward (the 11th being born when I was 42, with no others given since). I don’t need grace for the possible miscarriages or difficulties of future pregnancies, for I do not know that God would even bless us again. But I do know that God is faithful. I do know that His mercies are new every morning. I do know that He is a kind and loving Father who cares for His own children.
Did we have any struggles, financial needs, or hardships in our 26 years of marriage with a houseful of children? Of course we have. And so have our friends who have only a few children. Struggling and experiencing trials is part of our life experience here in this fallen world. God uses difficulties to show us our great need for Him. Our purpose here is to live to bring Him glory, not to live to make our lives easier (by our own reasoning). We are told to not grow weary in doing good. And frankly, having a lot of children is a tremendous joy if your heart is right, even with the challenges. Yes, it is hard work raising a house full of children, and it takes everything you have to do it well, bringing them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. It also takes everything you don’t have and so we look to God, our all-sufficient provider and helper.
It is funny how many people over the years would say to me, “Oh, you are someone who should have children because you are so patient. I am just not patient and so I shouldn’t have more children.” To this I give a hearty laugh. No, God hasn’t given me lots of children because I am patient, but SO THAT I could learn to be patient. If developed godly characteristics were qualifiers for being eligible parents, I’m afraid I wouldn’t have been given any children at all. But I can testify that God has used my children to mature me and cause me to bear good fruit.
We have absolutely no regrets for receiving all the children God desired to give us thus far (2 daughters and 9 sons and 2 little ones lost in miscarriage – even the losses have been used for our good). We can attest that God has provided for our needs, that His grace and help has been sufficient to home educate our children, and that a large family can live joyfully (and learn patience in the process) with one bathroom!
We are wealthy in the things that are eternal.
In response to Kristie’s comments, I appreciate her seeing the beauty and nature of the blessing being issued in Genesis 1:28, for bearing children is indeed a tremendous blessing. Yet it can not be overlooked that the manner of speech in Genesis 1:28 is spoken in terms of a directive as well. The directive is to the first MARRIED couple. Acknowledging that Genesis 1:28 is directed not to Adam alone, or Eve alone, but to both of them together helps us to see its sphere is designed to define that part of the nature of marriage is to procreate, and is thus the model for marriage. I agree that this directive is not to ALL people like the Apostle Paul or to any other unmarried individual as the blessing and directive are specifically given to those who are married. No unmarried person is being disobedient to “be fruitful and multiply” as the directive is not to single individuals.
It is interesting that Christians fully recognize the precedent from Genesis that marriage is an honorable institution and that it is God-designed to involve only a man and a woman. It is not disputed among Christians that sexual expression is meant to be confined to the marriage union. But somehow Christians often drop the other part of the precedent in Genesis that concludes God’s desire for that union is to bear children…to be fruitful and multiply. Many divorce the sexual union within marriage from the natural outcome of that man and woman union (children), but would never endorse any other design for sexual expression except between a man and a woman in marriage. Can we safely pick and choose the part of Genesis that appeals to us and reject the other dynamic (and design) of that marriage union?
Something to think about.
I also believed the feminist propaganda and after the birth of my two daughters scheduled my husbands vasectomy. That was 10 years ago. Since then, my husband and I have become Christians and by the grace of God our viewpoints have changed dramatically! We will consult with a urologist in August about getting a reversal. I’m a little nervous because I’m 39 and my dh is 42. Has anyone out there gone through the reversal process?