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February 14, 2008 by Stacy McDonald
Third grade boy wants to be a girl…
Categories: Homeschooling, News
This is crazy I’m sure I’ll be homeschooling my (GOD willing) children in the near future. thoes poor children.
We live not more than one hour from this school.
All the more reason not to touch public school with a 10 ft. pole.
Is there really something wrong in not knowing one’s own sexual identity? In my opinion, as a daughter and (hopefully) future mother, fear and repression don’t bring a lot of good concerning sexual development in children and teenagers and only an earnest and lovingly dialogue between parents and children can help kids and families in front of these issues. If I had a boy who wants to play with dolls, for example, or is confused about his gender – it is quite common amongst younger children – he’d be free to do it, but I’d try to understand why he does it and how he feels.Love and peace to all of youElena
Wow. I’m a little stunned and greatly saddened.
Elena, thank you for your comments; I agree completely! There is far more to the issue here than public school, and the root of the matter is that it’s totally possible to have a close and influential relationship with your children even if they are public schooled. This was certainly the case for me. I never had confusion about being a girl and I learned about sex from my mother, not “on the street” as they say. My parents were protective and vigilant, always watching what influences I had, and I arrived as a perfectly normal young woman. My personal experience with school and home has been amazing, regardless of the fact that the two were not mixed.
WOW! That is incredible! I had no idea this sort of thing was going on. The only diversity here is the diversity of religion. It seems to all come back around to the spiritual battle for the next generation. One more reason to stay on our knees.
I think there were times in life that I wished I was a boy. I was an only girl with 4 brothers. They were fleeting moments. I was told I was a girl and to get over it so to speak. I think this is opening a can of worms that was never meant to be opened.
this is so very sad… did you see a while back one of the networks had a series on “transgender children” on their website? children as young as 3 and 4 were being identified as having gender identity issues.
as if we needed more proof that we live in a fallen world…
All I can muster up right now is…WOW!!!
Parents shouldn’t bring this up? Well, of course they should. Like Elena mentioned, I too would “try to understand why he does it” but at some point would have to encourage him to just be the little boy that God created (and not by mistake). Something IS wrong with an 8 year old being so confused. So sad.
I went to public school as a child also, but never had boys dressing as girls in my classroom. Schools today are not the same as they were, and to compare them to yesteryear is just not reasonable.
Keri, former public school teacher and NEA member
Yes, Jennifer, public schools were a good experience for me, too: I had many friends and learned not only to respect others’s rights, but to fight for mine, too, so I would never prefer homeschooling for my (future) children; in Italy it would be even illegal and houses here are really too small to keep children at home: they would be isolated from others and parents would go crazy!Anyway, I think that a certain amount of gender confusion is part of our growing process; when I was 15 I was a bit confused about who I was really attracted to, but my mother simply told me that she would love me whatever I chose or felt to be, so I got rid of my feelings of guilt and found out in a natural and stress-free way that I like the other gender, so, no fuss at all. My mother has always worked outside home, yet she never missed to teach me the most important things in life and never made me feel unloved or alone.Sorry for this long tirade, I hope I wasn’t too annoying.Happy week-end to all of youElena
There is something wrong with not knowing your sexual identity. The bible says that God created us Male and female, he did not create people with male parts and say they were female. There are men who have more feminine attitudes and women who have more masculine attitudes. I think there is a time when alot of girls wish they were boys, but it does not mean they truly are a boy. This is very sad that this boy feels like this is something he has to take up, and at that age was probably put there by an adult which is why the school would be wrong.
I know people have different views of why they homeschool and I do not homeschool to isolate my children away from this, but so that I am the primary influence over their lives and not someone that I do not know that well spending most of the time with them. I do not want to let someone else raise my children!
I have no idea about this case, but some people have physical conditions that confuse sexual identity. The vast majority of people are XX female or XY male, but occasionally there are XXY or XYY people. There also is a condition called Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome in which a genetically male XY person develops female genitalia and another condition called Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia in which a female XX person may develop male genitalia.
There really are people who through no fault of their own have very good reasons to be confused. We shouldn’t rush to judgment when we hear about gender confusion. It could be a case of a genetic affliction rather than a moral issue.
I think the part that shocks me about this is the school’s nonchalant attitude. I’m also wondering what type of life this poor little boy has lived so far that it would even cross his mind to want to be a girl – and what kind of parents would help him to “live out” this fantasy. There’s a difference with little girls envying the things boys get to do and a boy acting out a sex change – especially in the third grade!
I’m wondering if there wouldn’t basically be two different parental responses to this:
Johnny: I wish I was a girl. Girls are so pretty and get to dress in pretty colors. I’d like to paint my nails like Suzy. I saw on t.v. where a man realized he was supposed to be a lady. I think that may be me too.
Wise Parent: Johnny, God made you just the way He wanted you; we can’t fight against God’s decision. Why do you think you feel this way? Don’t forget, we are to glorify God with the gifts and talents He has given us. I am so thankful you are a boy who will grow up to be a godly man one day. Boys don’t dress like girls and boys definitely don’t paint their nails – but there’s more to learning to be a man than avoiding these things. Be content with how God has made you, Johnny. I love you so much! I want to make sure you don’t fall into sinful desires. There is no way to live out a desire like this without falling into sexual perversion. Let’s see what Scripture says about unnatural desires…
Foolish Parent: How long have you felt this way, Johnny? Lots of boys want to be girls. Sometimes nature makes mistakes. Would you like to try it out? Mommy could get you a nice dress and you could just see how it feels. I want you to know that I will love you and accept you whatever you decide to do. It’s ok.
“Is there really something wrong in not knowing one’s own sexual identity?”
Hi Elena. Yes, there is something wrong in not accepting the sexual identity that God has given you. I don’t know much about the physical deformity that Jayne referenced above, but the current popular trend to reject one’s own sex is rebellion against God and it’s sin. For adults to encourage this confusion in a little child is a tragedy.
This isn’t an issue of “fear and repression” it’s an issue of being straightforward with children in a loving and healthy way – regardless of what’s politically correct at the time.
It may be common for very small children (perhaps toddlers) to be confused as to what the differences are between boys and girls. My 2-year-old son asked me one day if he could put my lipstick on – not because he wanted to be a girl, but because he thought it was pretty and it looked fun to paint one’s lips! LOL I just told him that ladies wear lipstick, boys and men don’t. He said, “ok” and went to find his trucks. No big deal.
Do I let my boys play with dolls? Yep. Not that it happens often. I think it’s fine if they want to hold one of their sisters dolls. We LOVE babies around here. There’s a difference in wanting to “do” things that are more common to the opposite sex, and wanting to “be” the opposite sex.
There was a time when I would have thought I, a public schooled grad, “turned out alright” too. It wasn’t until God started to convict me of all the junk in my heart and all the baggage I had picked up in public school (and beyond) that I began to see that I hadn’t turned out “alright” after all.
I had been indoctrinated in so many ways and until God took off my blinders and revealed His truth to me (which He is STILL in the process of doing) I didn’t even realize how brain washed I’d been. Public school conditions you to think a different way. To go with the popular flow. The media reinforces it. One thing that I absolutely love is that our homeschooled children learn to be independent thinkers. They STUDY their Bibles, they STUDY true history, and they dig and think deeply.
By the way, Elena and Jennifer, I’m not saying that you girls don’t do any of these things. I am just pointing out that sometimes God reveals things to us slowly and when we’re young, it’s hard to see things as clear as you’ll see them when you have a few more years behind you.
Jayne, thank you for mentioning sexual and physical disorders. Indeed, you’re right that this is a very unfortunate affliction that some children suffer. Some extremely rare cases even include babies being born with more than one pair of reproductive organs. The good news about this is that even those children have only one inherent gender which can usually be discovered by simply looking at their internal organs. Ex: one baby boy appeared to be born with female parts. Once the doctors did an X-ray, however, they discovered he had no womb, uteras, or anything of the sort, and so were able to determine that his real organs were just late in developing upon his birth. (The problem was soon fixed, and last I heard he was developing as a very healthy little boy. Praise God, His true design will not be hidden!)
I want to clarify that I do agree with Stacy about our culture having a lot of sinful attitudes to sex and sexuality. In our own lives and as parents we need to be vigilant about this. I was just making the point that we need to be cautious about making judgments about others when we don’t know all the details.
I know someone who has one of the genetic disorders I described and she was condemned and ostracized by her fellow Christians for “changing sexes”.
Stacey, I think it’s wrong to judge people on their age – “I am just pointing out that sometimes God reveals things to us slowly and when we’re young, it’s hard to see things as clear as you’ll see them when you have a few more years behind you.”
1 Timothy 4:12 says, ” Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe.” I too have seen many good things come out of public school. We, as Christians, are given the Great Commandment to go into the world and preach the Gospel. Not be OF the world but to be IN the world. There are many parents who believe that their children can be a testimony at school and I have personally seen many teens bring friends to church and have seen public school children saved because of the influence of their Godly Christian friends at school. Many christian teens are strong enough not to go with the “popular flow” and understand that God has them in that school for a reason – to be a witness of His great salvation.
ps. i know i’ve just started commenting a lot, but I just came across your blog and believe that there are some ideas that need to be shared and thought over
Don’t worry – I wasn’t “judging people on their age.” The quote you included above was a reference to a statement made by a young woman who said she “turned out all right” after attending public school; she presented this as if it were proof that public schools are perfectly acceptable for Christian children. (This is faulty logic that we can talk about later)
My point was that perhaps with a little more experience, study, and age she may have a different outlook. This was not meant as an insult at all. There was a time when I would have said the same thing; but with experience, more of the Word in my heart, and God’s pruning in my life, God has slowly shown me all the problems with my youthful experiences and my public school indoctrination (which I didn’t know I had). Like I said earlier, I feel like I had to spend many years in spiritual “detox” before I could think biblically.
By the way, I’m not saying that the young women who post here are not capable of thinking biblically, I’m just giving an example from my own life of how I was once deceived into thinking I was perfectly mature and wise – when in fact I didn’t yet have a clue about hardly anything! In fact, the older I get, the more I realize how very little wisdom I have!
Also, as I’ve researched homeschooling over the years (we published Homeschooling Today magazine for five years); attended and spoke at numerous homeschool conferences; listened to hundreds of others who have testimonies; watched other families raise their children at home; and homeschooled my own children; I’ve learned a lot. A young lady without children, out of high school for only a few years, doesn’t have any of this information to glean from – yet. Hopefully she eventually will.
Hi again, Kristie,
Next, let me point out a few things about Timothy 4:12, which you referenced.
“Let no one despise your youth, but be an EXAMPLE to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” (1 Timothy 4:12, NKJV)
I would encourage you to read the entire passage in context. Paul is telling Timothy to be a godly example (Phil. 3:17, Titus 2:7, 1 Pet. 5:3) so that no man would despise his youth. Matthew Henry explains it this way:
“To conduct himself with that gravity and prudence which might gain him respect, notwithstanding his youth: “Let no man despise thy youth;” that is, “give no man an occasion to despise thy youth.’’ Men’s youth will not be despised if they do not by youthful vanities and follies make themselves despicable; and this, men may do who are old, who may therefore thank themselves if they be despised.”
This was a charge given to a youth (Timothy – who was called to preach) to study hard and live a godly life so that those who heard him would listen to him, even though he was young. Timothy was not the norm, by the way. (“Do not neglect the gift that is in you [Timothy], which was given to you by prophecy with the laying on of the hands of the eldership.” 1 Timothy 4:14) Timothy was called to preach and he needed to live up to that call — no matter his age. All youth are called to put away the foolishness that is associated with childhood (1 Cor. 13:11) and rise up to the call of godliness and wisdom.
1 Timothy 4:12 was not a charge given to old men to turn to the youth for wisdom and instruction, which would go against the natural progression of maturity laid out throughout Scripture (Isaiah 3:4-5). Normally, a young person, who has not studied as many years, lived as long, or who is a new Christian, is called to turn to and listen to his elders for wisdom (Lev. 19:32, Prov. 1:8, Prov. 19:27, Prov. 4:1). To speak less and listen more.
“Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter days.” (Proverbs 19:20, NKJV)
“That they [older women] admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed…” (Titus 2:4-5, NKJV)
“Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be EVIDENT TO ALL. Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you.” (Emphasis mine) 1 Timothy 4:15
“Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity.” (1 Timothy 5:1-2, NKJV)
That being said, there are plenty of times when we can learn from those who are younger than we are. I even learn things from my own children on a regular basis. However, my children do not set themselves up as my teacher, or speak with authority — correcting me, or instructing me. Yet they realize that if they present something to me (even if they use Scripture) I may need to correct them, either on their behavior or their interpretation of Scripture. They are still young and learning.
By the way, the only reason I asked you about being associated with Zondervan is because I noticed on your profile page that you listed “publishing” as the industry you were in. Please know that I was in no way trying to insult your youth. Being young is a wonderful gift that many of us (me included) wasted on foolish living. Praise God you have a better start than I did!
I’d like to discuss further your comment about sending our young children to the heathen to be trained (public school). More later…
Yes, the verse in context states to “be an example” and I believe we are fulfilling that IF we have to send our children to public or private schools where they can be an example of Christ to the unsaved. Who are we to limit how Christ can use our children to reach those who do not know Him as a personal Savior? If we raise our children with strong Biblical principles, we will not be afraid for them to “go out into the all world declaring the Gospel”
Kristie Said: “I too have seen many good things come out of public school. We, as Christians, are given the Great Commandment to go into the world and preach the Gospel …There are many parents who believe that their children can be a testimony at school…”
Paul’s charge to Timothy has nothing to do with parents sending their little children to be trained and taught by the heathen all day long (violating Deut. 6:7) – to make intimate friendships and have their character and habits molded by ungodly friends and teachers (Proverbs 13:20, 1 Cor. 5:6, 1 Cor. 15:33).
Timothy was an adult – though a young one. He had been ordained to preach and teach the Gospel – he wasn’t going out under the tutelage (and intimate friendship) of Pagans to be a “light.” Paul instructed him to be an example of godliness – rather than act like the typical foolish youth – so that people would listen to him – he would be recognized for wisdom and good works – though young.
When we send our children to the public schools, we are giving teachers and school administrators temporary authority over them. (Remember, “A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. Matthew 10:24.) Non-Christians, with a completely unbiblical (if not anti-biblical) worldview are allowed to teach our young children all day long. They are indoctrinating our little ones and conditioning them for a very evil agenda.
It is no wonder our country is in the state it is. It is no wonder that teachers are reading abominable books to Kindergarten students like, Heather has Two Mommies and Daddy’s Roommate. No wonder we are discovering the secret activities of sexual deviants who have been teaching our children and winning awards in our schools.
Kristie said: “If we raise our children with strong Biblical principles, we will not be afraid for them to “go out into the all world declaring the Gospel”
Again, I would agree with you if we were talking about adults. If you send a little child into the midst of pagans, in a posture of learning, then you can’t expect the pagans to be the ones who are “changed.”
Just as a disclaimer, I never intended to present my own history in public school as proof that all public schools are healthy or that everyone should use them. My experience is just that: my experience. I had Christian teachers and good friends. During my time as a teenager in public school, I never once had sex, did drugs, smoked, or attended a single party in which these sorts of things took place. I don’t need any further proof that my time in public school was healthy and beneficial to me. It helped me become the person I am today and, for previous reasons I mentioned, I simply could not have been homeschooled. I know I’m not alone in this; no matter how wonderful homeschooling may be, all the research in the world won’t change the fact that it’s not for me, it wasn’t for me, and it’s not for certain others either.
Besides all the temptaions and sin those precious children are exposed to, they also lose interest in the things of the home. They start to seperate them selves from the family and siblings that are not their own age. I have witnessed and experienced this when I put my oldest daughter in school for 1 month 3 years ago. They were in fact dumbing her down as well. When I sent her to school she was very easily reading her King James Bible and by the time I pulled her out she had to re learn and re focus. It was an experience. And I now know that without even a shadow of a doubt that it is God’s will to keep your children home. Actully , mama should be there too! The Bible says I will that the younger women marry, bear children and guide the house. And another last note on the public school topic, I say all the time that the only thing public school ever taught us was how to get rid of head lice. (soak hair in olive oil over night, wash and pick every SINGLE hair ,blow dry, straighten with hot iron to kill any thing that might have survived-Gone that day.!)~Melissa Smith (pastor’s wife,and home schooling mama of 4 for 5 years so far)
I went to the public school system. I did not turn out “alright”. (My testimony shames me, but I am so thankful for God’s ever abundant grace when He cleansed my soul!) I will NEVER send my children to the public school system!!! (Lord willing, and I’m pretty sure He’s not willing!) Like Stacy said- I USED to think I was “OKAY”… in fact, I thought that I would be sending my children there one day. But as I have grown older, the Lord has reached into my heart- I have found all of the garbage that I was carrying. I’m not saying this of ALL parents, but I know several CHRISTIAN parents who “couldn’t wait to send their children off”… so as to “get rid of them” or “to send out a light into the world”. I feel sick when I hear this! Many don’t know WHAT they are sending their children into, and wonder about the problems that arise later! I am so thankful that my husband and I have the freedom to homeschool the children God has blessed us with.
I'm sorry you had that experience, Brandy. If you or anyone thought I was praising God because I think I turned out "alright" from public school, allow me to set that straight at once: I'm more than alright. My experience was more than alright; it was not something I escaped alive from, but an incredible experience I'd never trade for anything, anything in the world. I miss it greatly.
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