August 27, 2007 by Stacy McDonald
Tips for Tired Moms
As a young mom, there were times when I was tempted to reply to this type of advice with a tearful, “What time will you be over to read to my children so I can take that nap and have that “quiet time” you’re teasing me with?” I would have loved a nap, but there seemed to be so much to do; and when the baby napped, many times I scurried to do all the things I was unable to to do while he was awake.
However, there are times when some household tasks can just wait. Especially when we notice we’re functioning in a fog from too little sleep. Here are a few ideas for getting more rest during the child rearing years:
If you have little ones who take naps, try to nap when they do. Carefully plan your day so that your resting time is protected. If something has to give, let it be something besides your nap. The closet you wanted to clean out can wait until a day when you have some help, and the garden may need to wait until next year when the baby is sleeping better at night. Guard that time of rest.
During nap time, consider using a white noise machine of some sort to drown out the commotion of the day. It can help everyone (including you) to get a longer sleep. If you don’t have a white noise machine, perhaps a fan, soft classical music, or a clean air machine may work just as well. Also, don’t hesitate to turn off the ringer on the phone during nap time hours, or whenever outside calls can wait.
If you discover that you are too tired to make it through the day without feeling haggard and grumpy, try getting to bed earlier. If your husband is a night owl, explain to him your situation. Ask him how he would recommend ensuring that the two of you have ample intimate time alone and still allow enough time for you to get the sleep you need. He may choose to join you in getting to bed earlier (he may even find he feels better in the morning because of it), or maybe he would prefer to come up with another creative way for you to spend some alone time each day, without compromising your sleep.
Though the child rearing years can be difficult, remember that sometimes we bring frustration on ourselves. One of the worst things we can do, when we have little ones who still wake up at all hours, is watch the clock at night. Turn it around, unplug it, keep it in the next room, throw it out the window, but whatever you do, don’t look at the clock before it’s light outside!
I remember lying in bed one night while my heart raced, thinking, “Surely the baby will wake up any minute and so far, collectively, I’ve only had 2.2 hours of sleep and it’s time to wake up in 1.5 hours. Even if I go to sleep right now, how in the world will I function on 3.7 hours of sleep? (My math skills are sharpened in the middle of the night.) How in the world am I going to get through the day? How in the world am I going to have a quiet time in the morning?”
Guess what—I never did get back to sleep that morning. Word to the wise—it’s much easier to peacefully trust God to provide the sleep we need if we’re not “checking up” on Him by watching the clock.
A Note to Older Women and Others Who Can Help
Better yet, instead of telling her she should “get more rest,” volunteer to go to her house and read to her children while she takes a nap! Wash her dishes, do a few loads of laundry, bring her a meal—put some loving action behind your well-wishing (James 2:16). And if you are the one needing rest, ask your pastor’s wife if she could enlist a few unmarried ladies or older Titus 2 candidates to give you some help! There may be some women with time on their hands who are wondering where they fit in – how they can serve the Body of Christ! What a wonderful thing it would be to bring the two of you together!
But remember that if, despite your efforts, God still has not allowed you to have as much sleep as you think you need, trust Him – trust His sovereignty. Continue to cry out to Him for the strength you need to glorify Him, knowing that He is faithful to give us all we truly need.
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall. But those who ? ?wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:29-31)
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13 Responses to “Tips for Tired Moms”
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Hi Stacey
I agree with you that people telling me to get more rest is just plain unhelpful. . I agree with 99% of what you wrote, but wanted to (in a friendly way, grin) point out that there are some women whose dh’s work non stop out of the home; who have absolutely no family, friends or church help; and who physically and mentally have *got* to have rest.
To these ladies I say, go ahead, have a nap, work things out, let your dc watch a video while you nap in the same room; get them playing legos round you; but if you are going to have a breakdown because of lack of rest; get some, so what if it means leaving the laundry undone or the kitchen a mess.
A mother’s health is invaluable
Love
Henrietta
Hi Henrietta,
Yes, napping with your children around you is a great idea (if you can do it). I have a hard time sleeping if my little ones are awake. But for those who can, it’s a great idea! And I did mention sometimes needing to let some household tasks go if you notice you’re functioning in a fog.
Make a list of priorities for the day and put “rest” above tasks that can wait. Obviously changing a dirty diaper and feeding the children comes first, but there are things that can wait until “after nap time.”
Sometimes asking dh to help you prioritize your list of household tasks for the day is helpfu. He can help you figure out what is truly important to him and what should wait.
Ahhhh. With baby # 2 just weeks away, getting rest is already becoming an issue- the ‘I am too uncomfortable and have to run to the loo’ type of issue! I have now started to sleep when my toddler does- although find that I am still exhausted and groggy when he wakes up. I think the earlier night is the way to go now. I used to cherish my evenings a ‘me’ time- but now I am too tired to really care!
I know not everyone has the support I am able to have- but this is yet another area in which we see God’s wisdom and kindness in desiring us to be in churches of His people- I need my sisters in Christ.
Hey, Stacy. Great post. Unfortunately, many in our society (brethren included) feel like those of us with several children have made our beds to lie in, so to speak. Not referring to naps :), I mean that WE’RE the ones who have had “all those kids”, homeschool, etc., when we could have it “easier” (i.e. stop having children at 2 or 3, send them to public school/daycare, etc.). Sad sentiments, but often true.
Hello Stacey. I have just recently found your blog. I am enjoying it very much, you have so many great things here. I don’t have a lot of time but am working through the site slowly. :)
Susanna – hang in there. Remember, you are doing a good work and this time of pregnancy and little ones is so short in light of eternity.
Sheila – this is true. Most don’t view children as a blessing (especially other people’s children!), and unfortunately many times even the church fails to embrace their covenantal repsponsibilities. We are still required to be faithful – and God will supply us help in other ways – even if it’s supernaturally multiplying our strength and our time!
Hi Shannon – welcome to my blog! Feel free to come in and visit! ;-)
Oh Amen, Stacy! I really needed to read this today, too! I’m exhausted today and with no.4 on the way and my husband back to school after the holidays (he’s a teacher) it’s nearly impossible to find nap-time and help. I find myself almost bitter at times because my Mum works full time and isn’t around to help also.
Thanks for your encouraging words.
My 6 yo keeps asking: Can this be the last day you take a nap? We want you to be with us!
For now, unfortunately, I have to tell her no. When the babies are napping, so am I.
One day. . .
Just discoverd your blog. Aprreciate the encouragement. I am pregnant and having a hard time getting a nap with my middle child dropping his nap.
I think sometimes people are so buys with their lives they look for ways to help that do not take time. I have had some of the most un-helpful comments this last couple weeks. “I am so glad it is you and not me” has to top the list! They were referring to my life in general, so it was fairly discouraging! I think sometimes people get so involved in their own lives that it is impossible to see beyond it. I remember one young lady sitting and talking dreamily about marriage and how she wanted her own house and then complaining in the next breath about having a headache from the noise the children made. I think one of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to help someone out with young children. I was so thankful when someone came over to help me wash dishes or catch up on something. I fall behind so many times and lose sleep trying to get everything done.
I love how you said, “functioning in a fog from too little sleep” That is how I feel after having a baby (for a few months). Even now I feel that way when I stay up too late, or am up with a child all night. It’s so hard to think when you are “in a fog”. I also agree that older women could really minister to tired mommies! Where are they? :-) Well, when we are all in that stage of life, I hope we will remember the feeling, and help a mom get some needed rest! I really enjoy your blog and your dedication to your family. :-)
Also a house-wife,
Jennifer :-)
How about us moms that are now “grandmoms”? I need some tips too….am I ever tired! I babysit 5-6 days a week with a 2 year old grandson and boy it sure is different than when I was 24 and had my own kids…I am a very young 54 year old but BOY is it different! I would like to know some tricks to staying not so tired….: ) I try to teach my grandson about God and to say his prayers and to live right…but it is hard when they don’t teach very much at home…sad to say…my son is a very moral person but still they don’t teach kids these days like I did when my kids were young…(well a lot of people don’t teach these days like we all used to be taught)but still…I sure would like a secret formula for staying on top of the housework and the mess plus getting something new done every day.
I found your blog by doing a google search “God’s help for tired moms”
Thanks for the encouragement.