March 5, 2007 by Stacy McDonald

My Honey Is My Hero

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One of the most fundamental gifts I can give my children is to teach them the disciplined habit of obeying the fifth commandment: “Honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12).

As my children grow, I must diligently instill in them an understanding of the consequence and magnitude of this important mandate from God. Honoring their parents must become part of who my children are.

As a wife, I communicate my confidence in this commandment and the principles behind it in the way in which I honor and obey my husband. Yes, Scripture teaches me to obey my own husband—not as a child obeys his parents, but as the Church is subject to Christ; as a bride who fears the Lord submits to her God-appointed head. Thankfully, God has not selected a stranger to be my head. Instead, I have my best friend and lover! And he just happens to be commanded to sacrificially love and protect me.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

Submitting to and honoring my husband teaches our children that I believe what we have taught them. It reveals to them what godly order in the home, the church, and society looks like – and that it works. More importantly, it ultimately trains them to properly honor and obey God.

Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you. (Hebrews 13:17)

Husband and Heroes

Just as the legendary heroes of old bravely fought in battles to defend their loved ones, Christian husbands are called by God to defend and protect their wives from both physical and spiritual danger. Husbands are even called to lay down their lives for their beloved brides, just as Christ did for His Church. This is the stuff that heroes are made of (Ephesians 5:25).

If I conclude that I should honor my husband only after he has earned my respect and only during the moments when I feel he is worthy of it, then I am creating a double standard. For, surely, I expect that God still requires my husband to love me “as Christ loved the Church” regardless of my success in submitting to him “as unto the Lord” that week!

There is no doubt that there are men who fall pitifully short of being godly chiefs in the home. Maybe some husbands have even acted more like villains than heroes. However, if my husband were disobeying the Word and I chose to dishonor him as the God-appointed leader of my home or undermine his authority, I would not help build a strong and godly husband; I would only prove that I was a disobedient wife. In addition, I could almost be certain that his wicked behavior or sinful passivity would continue; and worse yet, our children would witness it.

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4)

But I Am Submissive!

When I am in agreement with my husband, it is a wonderful thing. My life runs smoothly, and the oneness we enjoy is evidenced by a peaceful home. But I must not be deceived by a mere lack of conflict or disagreement. The true test of submission comes when I am not in agreement with my husband’s choices. How do I demonstrate an obedient heart to our children, even in the face of a seemingly foolish decision?

How do I react to a husband who informs me that he intends to allow our eight-year-old son play a particularly dangerous ball game with bigger boys? Or what is my response when he speaks to one of the children in a way that I felt was too harsh? What about a purchase he made that I felt (or knew) was a waste of money? Did my sweet demeanor fall to the floor and shatter into a million pieces? Those are the times that I have to get a staple gun after mine!

Don’t misunderstand. A wife should be able to offer valuable input and wisdom in these matters, but both husband and wife must know beyond a shadow of a doubt that his is the last word. He should have both the final say and the total support and trust of his wife.* There’s the hard part!

Submission does not necessarily mean that I will agree or should even pretend to agree with everything my husband decides to do. No one is perfect, and my husband will surely make foolish or sinful decisions now and then. The key is whether or not I respond biblically when I am convinced that I am right and that he is most assuredly wrong!

I need to learn to salute his position as leader of the home, even if I am certain that I cannot salute him or his decision. In reality, since my obedience proves that I am saluting the Lord Jesus Christ who is over him, I’m obeying God and trusting His providence.

Creating Villains

Have you ever noticed that if you speak highly of anyone long enough, you can actually convince yourself of his “greatness”? I see this in children who chatter excitedly about a favorite sports hero (whether or not he truly is heroic). By your conversation, you persuade yourself and others that the person being discussed is worthy of your admiration. Words are powerful!

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. (Proverbs 18:20-21)

Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. (James 3:5-6)

So what happens when I gossip or complain about my husband? I lower my perception of my husband’s value or worth and damage his reputation. I reinforce his weaknesses in my own mind and begin to see him differently—and so do others.

The disrespectful wife will certainly find it more difficult to honor her husband, and may find herself increasingly embittered against him by her very own words. She may also cause others to think poorly of him, which often will adversely affect her as well.

The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. (Proverbs 14:1)

But the real tragedy is in what it does to her children. She is provoking her children to wrath by undermining her husband’s authority. As she tears down her house with her own hands, her children will find it difficult to cheerfully obey the commands of either parent—Daddy the villain or Mommy the disobedient and disrespectful wife.

My Hero!

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:10-12)

Alternatively, imagine the impact you can have on your children and your marriage by speaking highly of your husband throughout the day. Sharing examples of Daddy’s strengths and godly character qualities will not only inspire lofty goals in your children, but it also will remind you of God’s goodness and blessing to you in your marriage. You will begin to view your husband as more than just the leader or provider of the home; you will view him as your hero. Best of all, your children will begin to see him as their hero too!

Therefore, learn to honor God by submitting to your husband’s position of authority; discover the joy of praising him and building him up in the Lord. Show your children the beauty of honoring their father. You will be the precious crown of your husband and he will be your knight in shining armor . . . your hero!

*If a husband asks his wife to sin, she is required by Scripture to humbly obey God rather than man. Please See Domestic Tyrants

THREE CHEERS FOR DADDY!

Prove—Give your children an assignment of writing love letters or poems of encouragement to their father on a regular basis. Remind them to thank their father for being such a good provider and leader. Prove to him that his family notices his efforts. He needs the encouragement!

Persuade—Have your children list their father’s godly character traits and thank God for them. Remind them that it is a great blessing to have a father who loves and provides for them.

Promote—Encourage younger children to draw a picture that depicts them doing something special with Daddy (playing ball, holding hands, reading a bedtime story). Make it a fun craft and allow the child to decorate his picture with glitter, beads, paint, or other embellishments. Have artwork on display for Daddy’s homecoming that evening.

Purpose—Purpose to praise your husband in front of your children numerous times during the day. Make sure that what you are saying is truthful and heartfelt. Ask God what your children need to notice about their father and focus your efforts there. If you find the need to question a decision he has made, make sure that you do it privately. Present a unified front to your children.

Prepare—Make Daddy’s homecoming from work or a business trip a family celebration time. Build their excitement by having everyone pitch in to clear the house of any clutter from the days’ activities. Prepare a comfortable spot for Daddy to sit when he arrives home, light a candle, and play some soft, soothing music. Make sure you choose the things that are actually beneficial to him. Remember, you don’t want a power drill for your birthday, so don’t place a book on “How to Love Your Wife in 12 Easy Steps” on his recliner for his homecoming.

Presentation—Let him know that his family eagerly awaits his return each evening. Try to have each child brush his hair, and see to it that children are in clean, matching clothes. Make sure you look nice too! Show him honor by showing him that you have taken the time to please him.

Pray—Most importantly, teach your children the importance of praying for the leaders in their lives, especially their father. Remind them that if they expect their father to be a hero, he will need the strength and power that comes only from our truest of heroes—the Lord Jesus Christ.



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3 Responses to “My Honey Is My Hero”

  1. Ortega Recorder says:

    I would like to encourage other readers in applying these truths in their homes.

    The title is interesting as I have referred to my husband as my hero for more than 20 years – from the days of courtship to present. It is the truest description I could give of my precious best friend and devoted provider and leader. As a result, our children have all responded in kind – he is their unchallenged hero.

    Is submission always easy? No. But I have found that when it is difficult, the trouble most always lies with me and not my husband. One of the greatest truths I have learned through the years of marriage is that when we nag or endeavor to change our husbands we get between our husband and God. In truth, we dare to try and fill God’s role in our husband’s lives when we seek to “make” them see their “need” to change to what we think they should be. It is God’s place to convict our husbands and bring them to understand their need to change. At times, God uses us in that process – but it is our quiet, submissive, loving example that is most useful – not our words of “wisdom”. Instead of working to change our husbands, we need to bow the knee in prayer taking the true posture of a godly wife. We need to remember to always pray first about our own hearts and lives and then humbly ask God’s will be accomplished in our husbands’ lives. It is important not to use prayer to tell God what needs to be done, but to humbly yield to God’s will for our husbands understanding that His will may look very different from our own desires for any given situation. Should we feel that we must bring something to our husbands’ attention, it should be with humility. We need to be mindful not to command, but to appeal; not to come as the teacher, but as the student; not to come in rebellion, but in trust. Ester comes to mind – what a beautiful picture of the humility and respect with which our husbands should be approached.

    One other thought, our husbands are a priceless gift. Keeping an attitude of gratefulness and thankfulness works wonders in maintaining our appreciation of our husbands.

    How wonderful of the Lord to give us the previledge of reflecting to the world how the church is to respond to Christ!

  2. Marcia says:

    This is wonderful, Stacy; thanks.

  3. Mama Russell says:

    While this is one of your “older” posts, I just stumbled upon it. I desperately needed to read these words. I fail so very often in submitting to my own hero.

    Thank you again, Stacy, for sharing your godly wisdom with us.

    In His Grace,
    Mama Russell

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