March 14, 2007 by Stacy McDonald

Conviction

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Sometimes I’m amazed at how faithful God is at showing me my sin when I’m teaching on a particular subject. I can be in the middle of saying or writing something and BAM, right between the eyes! I remember speaking at a conference once and bursting into tears as I shared on a particular topic. As I was teaching, I became aware of how I had sinned against my family on the topic I was discussing. God convicted me right there and I had to admit to the ladies (and my children who were in the audience) how miserably I had failed, even that very day! It never fails – teaching demands accountability.

In a similar manner, God convicted me last night of how I have not treated my husband with respect. There are many times when I try to prove my husband wrong or correct him (sometimes even in front of others), for the sake of simply…well, correcting him. It’s pride, plain and simple, and I’m guilty of it. I was always an arguer when I was growing up and I suppose I still am. I want to be right, and well, that means somebody has to be wrong.

Does anyone else have this problem? It’s interesting; have you ever noticed that even once you’ve proved him wrong, there’s really no satisfaction in it? There’s kind of this dead, uncomfortable silence and you’re left feeling rather foolish for making such a big deal out of it.

On the other hand, if the person you’re trying to convince of your “rightness” doesn’t ever wind up agreeing with you, you’re left feeling angry and frustrated. So, why not just let it go? Why not learn restraint and humility? Why not learn to use fewer words and then let God do the convicting? Well, because everyone needs to know I’m right! And so the cycle continues.

I see it in blog land all the time. Entire blogs created and maintained for the sole purpose of proving someone’s “rightness” – and of course, someone else’s “wrongness.” I see folks gossiping and arguing and spouting their opinions of others and their motives. It’s rather ridiculous really. But, it reminds me of me.

So, here I am, writing about submission and respect; and guess who happens to be the one who needs to hear it the most? Time for the hard part. Time to repent. Time to admit I was *shudder* wrong.



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3 Responses to “Conviction”

  1. Melissa says:

    On the subject on husbands leading. I wondered this for so many years, why, why, why? Then I said “What? What should I do Lord to follow You?” And my soul, my heart, and yes, even my behavior has made a wonderful turn. My husband was a leader being covered by an over bearing and manipulating wife. I am sad to say there have been many sad out comings from my failure to truly follow. Not say it, not read it, but becoming a woman with a heart of meekness. I admit, I still struggle. Oh, but what a change the Lord has allowed in me.

    I am blessed to say, yes my husband is and was a leader! I truly believed the worlds lies. I believed that because we attended church, homeschooled, and worshiped that we were untouched by the world. What a fool I was! My husband said he was afraid of disappointing me. And this was a true statement. He had, in so many ways, done what I said. When the tables finally turned, I rebelled.

    A wise and valuable friend asked me the tough questions and I saw what I did. She has graciously refused any further support while I was constantly turning my back on my husband. I now joyfully greet his day, even when I don’t feel like it. And I make decisions he delegates to me without bitterness. And I stand proud as he has taken the lead I so self righteously tried to take.

    I am proud to be the daughter of a mighty King, and the wife of a leader. And I will always keep a close look at my behavior instead of place judgment on my husband.

    Where I was so self conscious about my baby curves, my husband now embraces and compliments. My meals that are sometimes sparce, he relishes in. And my mood that is sometimes failing, he takes gently in his arms and encourages me back.

    I am still working on this area and have in no way perfected or become immune to it. But I want to encourage your words that they might pierce the heart of any woman struggling in this area. They were a timely confirmation for me.

    In Christ

  2. Heather says:

    Stacy,

    Thank you for sharing this. I soo struggle with wanting to be right an being argumentative. God has allowed me to grow so much in this lately. It is very uncomfortable to see a wife display this kind of behavior and yet I do it so often! ;o(

    Love, Heather P.

  3. Shanna says:

    Stacy-

    Thank you so much for your transparency and your willingness to allow us to see that you also still are growing in this area.

    So many times I forget that the women who I see as mentors also are real women who even with their deep love for the Lord and their husbands still make mistakes.

    Thank you for reminding me that I too can still grow and become closer to the Lord even with my faults.

    Blessings,
    Shanna H.

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