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“Wives, SUBMIT to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is HEAD of the wife, as also Christ is HEAD of the church; and He is the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is SUBJECT to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, LOVE your wives, just as Christ also LOVED the church and GAVE Himself for her…” (Ephesians 5:22-25, NKJV)

“But I want you to know that the HEAD of every man is Christ, the HEAD of woman is man, and the HEAD of Christ is God.” (1 Corinthians 11:3, NKJV)

• What is the opposite of submit?
• What is the opposite of head?
• What is the opposite of subject?
• What is the opposite of love?
• What is the opposite of give?

A growing number of Christians have the concept of biblical headship upside down. Too often:

1. Rebellious women want to be loved and cherished, but, do not recognize their obligation to respect and submit to their husbands. Submission is considered a weakness…rebellion, well, who is there to rebel against?

2. Rebellious men who think they are the ultimate authority, and are accountable to no one besides God, want their wives to submit and their daughters to obey, but demonstrate no obedience or accountability themselves. And sacrifice…what is that? How do you sacrifice for someone who is clearly supposed to be serving you?

“But Jesus called them to Himself and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”” (Mark 10:42-45, NKJV)

Patriarchy - Father-rule (lead, love, sacrifice, provide, disciple, cherish, faithful, tender)

“For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body… Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.” (Ephesians 5:23; 25-29, NKJV)

Patriocentric - Father-centric (selfish, demanding, egocentric, self-serving, rebellious, arrogant, lazy, harsh, tyrant)

The very fact that Jesus is given as a husband’s example of godly leadership exposes the error of true “patriocentricity.” However, while I don’t deny that this type of father/husband exists, I don’t agree that he is as prevalent as some would have us believe. Too often, I’ve seen those who adhere to biblical patriarchy (as described in Eph. 5) lumped together with egocentric tyrants.

As soon as we all get honest about what we believe regarding Ephesians 5 I think we’ll be able to rationally discuss biblical headship like…well, like Christians.

Category: Marriage, Patriarchy | 12 Comments »
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“Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is man’s all. For God will bring every work into judgment, including every secret thing, whether good or evil.” (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14)

[In light of recent discussion, I thought a repost of this article may be helpful.]

The following question is from my friend, Sarah Mae, who commented on the article, Legalism: Yours, Mine, and Ours, posted the other day. I thought I’d share our exchange here:

So, how do you explain your convictions to others while exhorting them to live biblically without seeming legalistic? If we say, “These are my convictions,” then people say, “That’s right, they’re your convictions, not mine.” But, if we say, “These are my convictions – look at God’s Word,” people say, “You are putting your convictions on me.”

Ahhhh…how do you walk this line? I have friends, who are faithful Christians, who think my husband and I are on the legalistic side b/c of our views on daughters staying home and not going off to college, home educating, etc. I want to urge people in these best things that we have been convicted of without saying, “You are sinning if you don’t do these things.” I mean, if we say, “this is right,” then we are automatically saying someone else is sinning, right? Help!

Sarah Mae

Good question, Sarah. This is something I’ve contemplated a lot over the last few years. Depending on what we’re talking about, we can’t all be right. It’s that whole relativism thing. Scripture is our only standard. Truth is not relative. However, clearly, many of us study the Bible and still come to different conclusions on certain things.

[Note: I am not talking about the basic tenets of the Christian faith (orthodoxy); instead, here, we are discussing how that orthodoxy is lived out, or practiced (orthopraxy).]

Sometimes it’s simply a matter of remembering that the way we live out the same convictions may look a little different from family to family. I think what matters more is what we do with that – how do we treat others who disagree?

There are those who have accused me of legalism because of various things I’ve written, and I’ve had to seriously consider whether or not there was any truth to what they said. I don’t want to go beyond Scripture and I don’t want to pretend to have all the answers; but, I do like to think and contemplate and debate things to see where it all pans out. And sometimes people don’t like that.

I like to hear my reader’s thoughts, so that I can compare them to Scripture to see if anything I believe or teach is off. God has taught me many things this way over the years, and at times revealed sin and error in my life – using both friends in person, and friends online.

But, here’s the rub. We’re called to study the Word, pray, and honestly and faithfully live out, and share what God has taught us. We can’t hide behind the fear of man. Obviously, there are many teachers teaching very, very different things on various issues, and we can’t all be right. We are weak, fallible creatures living out each day by faith as He enables us. Like one reader commented, this is where forbearance comes in. We need to remember that we’re on a journey together.

I appreciate very much someone who has studied a subject and comes to a different conclusion than I do, but who is willing to discuss it with me in love and humility – and I try to do the same, knowing that I could be wrong. But, if everyone is afraid to share what they believe because they’re afraid of being called a legalist, or because they’re afraid people will think they’re “shoving their beliefs down someone’s throat,” then we all lose.

Likewise, if we “share” what we believe by insulting and misrepresenting one another, or by ignoring the “royal law,” (James 2:8) then we are behaving as Razor Mouthed Christians and we need to repent!

By the grace of God, we should all be able to humbly share what we believe to be true, ever willing to be corrected by the Word of God.

I came to many of my current convictions because I was challenged by bold believers who weren’t afraid to confront me with Scripture. I was sent to the Word to pray and to see if those things were so. I learned to study like a Berean (Acts 17:11).

And know that Satan’s purpose is to tear down, and not to build up, as the Word of God will do. Don’t be afraid of false accusations of legalism; God judges the heart of man. Fear Him alone. Live your life in love, walking in faith, confidence, and humility. But be careful with your words; always aware that some are yet unable to discern between the newness of the Spirit and the letter of the law.

“We should serve in the newness of the Spirit and not in the oldness of the letter.” (Romans 7:6)

Example: If you say that modesty is important, and that tight, revealing clothes draw the eye to things we shouldn’t, as Christians, bring attention to, there will be someone who will want you to describe exactly what you think is too short; exactly how tight is too tight; and exactly how much skin they can show before “you” call it a sin.

In some cases, it’s a trap; they don’t really care what you think. Their questions are meant to corner you. If they can push you up against a wall by coercing you to be overly specific with your version of how to live out a random truth – then they can cry, “Aha, legalism!” (Psalm 35:19-21) Don’t fall for it.

Other times, genuine Christians who really want to honor God, but may be weak in their faith, ask for a list of rules. They forget that sin is a heart issue, ultimately displayed outwardly in the flesh. Immodesty, like so many other sins, reveals itself in various ways. It cannot be cured with a specific list of “do nots.” It’s far too extensive of a problem for that.

Teach the things you know to be true – truths backed up by Scripture. Know that there may be various ways to obey and live out a certain command, but there is only one truth. And please remember the royal law must reign supreme in the midst of teaching or debating anything (James 2:8). Keep in mind that patience and forbearance is the key. If some are still learning, we must remember that so are we! Let’s all seek to glorify God as brothers and sisters, loving one another, and continuing on in all we’ve been called to do.

“But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.” (2 Timothy 2:23-26)

So, Sarah, be a living testimony to your friends. Share what God has taught you. Explain what the Scriptures say, but don’t go beyond that. Share with them that this is your family’s humble attempt to obey God in the way He has revealed His truth to you. Let them know that your life is not “the way;” but, His is. For Jesus is “the way, the truth, and the life.” (John 14:6)

And in the midst of your sincere walk of faith, if your motives are judged as legalistic, consider Matthew Henry’s words:

“We should be very careful how we censure others, when we have to do with a Judge from whom we cannot conceal ourselves. Others do not lie open to our notice, but we lie all open to his…

“Though none of God’s servants can deserve any thing from him, though there be much that is blamable even in their best services, yet shall their fidelity be commended and crowned by him; and should they be condemned, reproached, or vilified, by their fellow-servants, he will roll away all such unjust censures and reproaches, and show them in their own amiable light.

“Christians may well be patient under unjust censures, when they know such a day as this is coming, especially when they have their consciences testifying to their integrity. But how fearful should they be of loading any with reproaches now whom their common Judge shall hereafter commend.” – Matthew Henry

Category: Legalism, Speaking Truth in Love | 3 Comments »
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I realize this is a very backwards way to post an article, or even link to someone else’s article; but, sometimes I do things backwards. Maybe it’s rebellion. Or maybe it’s because Gender, Morality, and Modesty: Liberated into Bondage by Robin Phillips is so good that I’m sure you’ll want to read the whole thing once you read Part Six. It’s an excellent read, and the series is worth it, but it’s long. So, here are a few great quotes to get you hooked:

“The reason men in our culture are becoming less gentlemanly towards ladies is not simply because there has been a general erosion in manners and basic decency, though of course that has been a contributing factor and is something I have explored in Appendix C of my book The Decent Drapery of Life. But it is also because of a subtle shift in worldview of which most people are not even aware.

“Chivalrous behavior, like modesty, presupposes certain things about our humanity. It assumes, for example, that women ought to be treated in a special way because they are women, just as feminine modesty proclaims that women ought to dress in a certain way because they are women. When a man embraces his calling to look after and protect women, or when a woman embraces her obligation to dress modestly, they are both proclaiming that there is a fundamental difference between the sexes. These very differences are what the Enlightenment began to undermine.” – Part 4 The Gender Benders

Notice how Reich wanted to desensitize men and women from their natural “shyness” (in regards to exposing their nakedness). Do you think this has happened in society today? Keep reading.

The pioneers of radical sexual revolution often understood these issues better than most people today.  In his book The Sexual Revolution, Wilhelm Reich (1897–1957) described the means for achieving a society without any external sexual morals, “a free society” that “would not put any obstacles in the path of the gratification of the natural needs.” The road to the sexual utopia he advocated lay in first getting rid of the shyness and embarrassment surrounding sex.  In particular, Reich believed that before traditional morality could be completely vanquished, a society must be achieved where people “should lose their shyness to expose…erotically important parts of their bodies.”  Reich attempted to facilitate this by asking his clients to remove all their clothes during his psychotherapy sessions.

Reich would be pleased if he could see a European summer today, which is more in keeping with his ideal than what we find in brothels.  In a brothel, women have overcome the natural shyness surrounding erotically important parts of their bodies in order to advertise sex; on a sunny beach, scores of women can be seen who have overcome this natural shyness with no thought of sex at all.  Indeed, by refusing to explicitly acknowledge the erotic implications of minimalistic attire, we are approaching Reich’s ideal of a society in which shyness has been overcome and flattened of its innate potency.

Reich looked forward to a time in which sexuality would be treated as something merely common. “Profane” best describes Reich’s ideal and its realization in contemporary realization, given that the term originally meant “to treat as common.” Part 5 The Disenchanting of Sex

It is good and right for a man to be excited by the body of his wife. But, if society manages to desensitize him by making nudity and sexuality common place (perhaps even boring), then the attack on marriage is subtly effective. God intended nudity to stir a reaction in us within marriage; we are wonderfully created to be sensitive to it. I’ve been saying this for years. But, as nudity becomes common, and sexuality becomes almost mundane, it robs marriage of what is glorious.

Sex: A Big Deal?

Because materialism denied that a transcendent God had revealed himself to His creation, it placed man as the sole arbitrator of morality.  The result was that man turned sex into a god.  It is a biblical principle that whenever a thing is worshiped idolatrously, the original thing is destroyed.  In removing the restrictions placed on sexuality and denying the design God created, the sexual revolution ended up de-valuing the very thing it sought to elevate.  It was observed in The Times that advertisers are finding that sex just does not sell products like it once did.  The reason, reported Cristina Odone, is that the advertisers have made sex so banal it doesn’t entice us any longer.  It has been like taking a picture in color and turning it into black and white.  No wonder young people are now reported as making comments like, “I’m so used to it, it makes me sick.”  Nor should we be surprised that in Denmark, where pornography is unrestricted, people are often quoted as saying that sex is boring. – Part 6 Liberated into Bondage

Ironically, as our senses are dulled, rather than being oversexed, we become undersexed. Not that sexual activity decreases, but the satisfaction of it does. In addition, sexuality must become more and more shocking to invoke a reaction, which introduces perversions of all sorts. God has given the gift of intimacy to a husband and wife to cherish, enjoy, and protect. Its value is clear; especially when one considers the many attacks the Enemy marshals against it.

And according to the Bible, sex should be a Big Deal, and not merely because it makes the experience more fulfilling, though it does. A number of studies have found, not simply that married women are generally more sexually fulfilled than sexually active single women, but that the most strongly religious women are also the most sexually responsive…

Seen in this way, modest dress, manners, speech and conduct need not be indicative of an under-sexed temperament, as is often thought; rather, it is an acknowledgement and preservation of one’s sexuality as a gift from God.  Modesty and chastity are not matters of negation, but of affirmation: affirming the sacredness and beauty of sexuality and committing to preserve the sense in which it is set apart and cherished.   This perspective challenges both promiscuity and prudery…

Central to the very delight of sexual union is the pleasure of being admitted into a place that is not open to anyone else.  Sexual intimacy is a gift from God set apart only for those who have entered the covenant of marriage… Part 6 Liberated into Bondage

I recall when my husband and I were first married I got “all fluttery” inside at the very thought of him being the “only one.” I think they call that “having butterflies.” That’s the way it’s supposed to be. Intimacy in marriage is a precious gift; and part of its beauty and thrill is the fact that it is set apart. It’s a secret thing between the two who have mysteriously become one. When that oneness is violated, either within marriage or within society, sex becomes a vulgar thing – it is reduced to a bodily function that crudely mocks and insults true intimacy.

“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4) Notice here that those who dishonor marriage are not only adulterers, but fornicators also.

In reality, saying that those who pursue modesty are “uncomfortable with their bodies” or “ashamed of their sexuality” is comparable to saying that I am uncomfortable with my expensive silverware because I refuse to use it to feed the pet mouse with. Just as my valuable silver is too precious to put to common use, so the treasure of the human body should be too valuable to use in any but the appropriate context.

C. S. Lewis observed that “when a thing is enclosed, the mind does not willingly regard it as common.”  Thanks to the Enlightenment, sexuality has come to be common.  No wonder we don’t see the need for it to be enclosed any more.

I like the whole concept of “common use.” My body is not intended for “common use,” so why would I imply that it was by “letting it all hang out?” A modest woman communicates that she has something valuable to protect.

Rather than continue to give you sound bites, I’m going to do what I promised, and ask you to read all of Part 6. But please try to take the time to read the whole series from the beginning.

Gender, Morality and Modesty Part 1 (Reducing the Human)

Gender, Morality and Modesty Part 2 (Utilitarian Ethics)

Category: Chastity, Marriage, Modesty, Uncategorized | 11 Comments »
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Do you have trouble memorizing Scripture? How about your children?

Kelly over at Generation Cedar has the instant download for this great CD on sale for half price (only $4.50) TODAY ONLY! Check it out HERE

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I love to grow herbs, especially basil! Back when we lived in Texas I had what I called a “forest” of it growing in the back yard. The peppery scent was intoxicating! Though we haven’t grown as much out here in the Midwest, we still enjoy our herb garden, with basil being a primary plant.

We use our pesto in numerous ways – tossed in salads, spread on sandwiches, added to homemade salad dressings, or blended into a creamy white sauce. Sometimes I smear it on fish or chicken breasts before grilling, and it adds a particular zing when you roll it up in Chicken Cordon Bleu.

Sometimes I add a few Tablespoons of the fragrant mixture to my rice while it’s boiling to give it a blast of flavor! You can also add it to cream cheese or sour cream; but, one of our favorite ways to enjoy pesto is simply as a dip on pita chips or crackers!

The following pesto recipes has been a family favorite. Instead of pine nuts, we give it a Cajun twist by using pecans! And the best part is that it freezes wonderfully, so you can enjoy it all year long!

Pecan Pesto

1 C. Pecans

1 ½ C. Fresh grated parmesan cheese

3 T. Chopped Fresh Garlic

2 C. Basil Leaves

1 ½ C. Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Salt and Pepper to taste

Process (pulse) parmesan, garlic, and basil leaves in food processor 1-2 minutes or until mixture is well chopped and blended. With the processor running, add olive oil in a slow steady stream until mixture resembles a paste. Season to taste using salt and pepper. Do not over process as the basil will darken and appear unappetizing. Will store in refrigerator for 3 weeks in a glass jar. Freezes well!

Category: Recipes: Dips and Salsas, Uncategorized | 9 Comments »
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My husband, James McDonald, created the following questions for the purpose of getting to know potential suitors for our daughters. Having seen two daughters enter courtship and successfully marry godly young men, and having recently entered a courtship with our fourth oldest daughter, these questions have served us well.

Over the years, my husband has received numerous requests from parents for his “famous” courtship questions. However, he has been hesitant to make them available, since it is easy for people to want a formula for courtship. His concern was that families may misunderstand the purpose for the questions and miss out on potentially wonderful matches for their daughters.

Therefore, please keep in mind that most of these questions do not have right or wrong answers. They are intended to help both parties get to know one another on a deeper and more deliberate level by creating points of discussion. In fact, our daughters have also filled out the questions, upon the request of approved suitors.

Due to the varying theological positions and personal convictions of Christian families, these courtship questions are designed to help disclose important facts that may be significant in both party’s decision of whether or not to  move forward in courtship. It is our prayer that these will be a help to those seeking godly marriages for their children.

Click HERE to read the questions. And feel free to grab the button on the right to put a link to these questions on your own blog.

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“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.” (Romans 12:10)

God’s ways are not our ways (Is. 55:8). That is why we often have a hard time grasping biblical truths. Christ’s love is a pure, endless, and sacrificial kind of love; while ours tends to be self serving and limited—at least when lived out in the flesh. Godly love is foreign to our carnal minds. That’s why it’s so important for us to walk in the Spirit. (Galatians 5:16-17)

Denying the flesh. Preferring others. Dying to self. Sounds dour and grim, doesn’t it? But we have it so backwards! “What’s in it for me?” “What will I get out of it?” “I deserve more.” These are common attitudes of the world—but Christians are supposed to walk in truth. And the truth is, without Christ, all any of us “deserve” is hell (John 3:18). We would do well to remember that. If the King of kings suffered a humiliating death on a cross for the likes of me, how can I dare live like I “deserve better?

Putting someone else’s needs or wants before our own may feel foreign and unnatural; but, that’s because, in a very real way it is unnatural. Jesus said, we’re to live for others. He said that “whoever loses his life for [Christ’s] sake would find it.” (Matthew 16:25). Jesus wants us to follow the model He provided for us. To lay down our lives—not just in a dramatic scene of martyrdom, but in the day to day sacrifices of love and humility.

Whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many. (Matthew 20:27-28)

Jesus is our model for love, sacrifice, and service. He said the greatest commandment was for us to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, and mind. And the second He said was to love our neighbor as ourselves. Now, we obviously don’t have to be taught how to love ourselves, do we? We’re very, very good at that.

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” (Philippians 2:3)

Nobody teaches a baby to be selfish—he comes by it naturally. When he sees something he wants, he takes it. If he sees a toy in Sister’s hand, he simply grabs it. If a candy bar is left within his reach, into the mouth it goes. He has to be taught and trained to deny his natural desire to satisfy his flesh without restraint. Self love comes naturally; but, we are to live supernaturally!

Pain is another example of our natural inclination to love ourselves. When I’m in pain, nobody is more aware of it than me. If I have a migraine, I may search out a dark room, or take medication. And I certainly don’t forget to pray! I am totally focused on trying to avoid that pain.

And if I’m hungry, my thoughts are on satisfying my hunger. I don’t forget to eat for a few days because I’m busy. But I might forget to bring a meal to someone who could use it.

I am naturally inclined to love myself – to take care of my own needs. And, while there is nothing wrong with taking care of myself, Jesus wants me to go beyond self love, and be supernaturally inclined to the needs of others. To go against what comes natural to my flesh—to die to self and prefer others.

Jesus wants us to love others supernaturally – the way we love ourselves naturally. We live in a world that wants to turn the Gospel upside down.

Then said Jesus unto his disciples, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” (Matthew 16:24-25)

We have been programmed to believe that love is something to be pursued for our own benefit. We’re always “lookin’ for love.” But real love—biblical love—is sacrifice. It’s the denial of self for the good of another.

“The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, ‘This is love. God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, ‘This is love.’” -Joshua Harris

His name is above all other names. He alone is worthy to be praised; yet, often His name is slandered in the streets because of our failure to do things His way. Though we are to walk in the Spirit (Gal. 5:16), we choose instead to do what comes easy—to do what comes natural. The natural man lives a “me first” life (1 Corinthians 2:14) and thinks others-focused living is crazy. But we have a higher calling. In all we do, we are to glorify God—reflecting His love and holiness; so that His name is hallowed in us before the eyes of those who do not know Him (Ezekiel 36:23).

You’ll be surprised. The more you pour yourself out for others, the more Jesus fills you up. The more joy you cause, the more joy you receive.

So, my challenge to you today is this. Spend the day focusing on the needs of others—purposely. Even in the simple things. When you feel the urge to have a cup of tea, offer it to those around you first. Live as a deliberate servant— look to see what others may need and earnestly seek to meet those needs. Ask someone how you might pray for them, how you might help them with a physical need, or how you might encourage them—just out of the blue. Don’t wait for a phone call—ask. Don’t do what comes natural. Step out of your comfort zone and look for ways to serve. Live the supernatural life.

Category: Spiritual Growth | 3 Comments »
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By my husband, James McDonald, of Providence Church

“Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled…” (Hebrews 12:14-15)

Bitterness is a common sin within the sons of Adam and the daughters of Eve. It is one we often try to hide, at least for a while. But bitterness, like holding one’s breath, can’t be detained for long. In the end, it overtakes us and becomes our constant focus. A most hated and beloved idol, bitterness is the cancer that consumes. It is a self-destructive sin that triggers an addictive adrenaline rush that floods our being. And, like most addictive behaviors, when out of control, it leads to our destruction.

I have seen the impact of bitterness throughout my life. As a first generation Christian, I grew up in dysfunctional home where bitterness reigned unchecked. My father was bitter against my grandfather for sending him to boarding schools rather than loving him. My mother was bitter against my father because of his alcoholism and abusive behavior. I saw bitterness growing in my siblings, a learned response from our parents. I felt the almost intoxicating pain of bitterness in my own soul. Reminiscing back on my younger days is a painful exercise, mostly because the memories are filled with the agonizing results of bitterness.

But, then, Jesus sought me. I didn’t seek Him; I was consumed with myself and the unfairness of life. I was an angry, bitter man until Jesus overwhelmed me. He showed me my own wretched sin; and, in those fiery flames of grief and sorrow, the bitterness melted. As Jesus forgave me and pulled me out of my grief, I learned the meaning of forgiveness. When I saw my own sins for what they were—sins against a mighty and holy God, my perspective changed. I found myself able to extend to others what I had freely received, the healing balm of forgiveness.

But as time went by, I found the old man sneaking back in. He still tries. Even as Christians, we may find ourselves dealing with bitterness. Simple affronts, unaddressed, worm their way into our thoughts and soon become an unwanted obsession. Left unchecked, the effects of bitterness begin to take root in the soil of our souls to poison every part of our lives.

Often, we superimpose our own past or secret sins upon others. We certainly know what “we” would mean if we said “that.” Assumed offenses cause chaos and misunderstanding; people talk past one another and feelings are hurt. Emotions rage. Instead of dealing with issues, weeds grow and become deeply entrenched. Christian adversaries may smile as they pass one another at church or online, but inner vows of broken fellowship broil out of sight. Our pain attempts to justify our bitterness. We make a mental list of our offenses, and remind ourselves of our “rights.” We take comfort in the number of people who would surely agree with us.

I’ve experienced bitterness. I know how it works. I remember one instance when the Enemy deceived me into believing I was justified in my sin. I had been hurt. I had a right to be bitter. But God didn’t let me rest. In my quiet time, not long after my conversion, He spoke. I read some challenging verses. It began when I first read through the Book of Ephesians.

I remember the day when God broke me. I was sitting outside of church in my good old 1974 Nova when I read in Ephesians 4:31–32 “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

I was convicted. I was cut to the quick. The process of sanctification can often be a painful thing. This is especially true we are confronted with a sin we hate, yet at the same time guard and love. This verse shouted out to me. “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.” This was not a suggestion, this was a command! “Let all bitterness be out away from you!” It was right there before me. God was speaking to me. The Holy Spirit was convicting me. I was bitter and angry.

Although I might couch my words in righteous “Christianese,” I would indeed speak evil of my neighbors, even my brothers and sisters in church. And, even though I was now a Christian, I recognized that familiar, intoxicating feeling of bitterness, and it was still in my heart.

I remember being frustrated as I started to evaluate verse 32. “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” Again, more commands. Be kind to the one who hurt me? Be tenderhearted to the one who seemed so hard hearted and hard headed? Forgive? How could I do that? Was it even possible?

But I continued to read the final section of verse 32, “…even as God in Christ forgave you.”

As I read God’s Word, there are times when I feel like I am undergoing open heart surgery without anesthesia. This was one of those times. The text spoke to my heart, “…even as God in Christ forgave you.” Even as God had forgiven me. Even as God had forgiven me. I knew God had forgiven me. I was fully aware of the sins of my youth, the things I had done against others, the things I had done against the Lord. The weight of my sin had been very heavy. And yet, through Jesus, God had forgiven me!

I remembered how Jesus had come for me, a sinner—how He had forgiven me, a stubborn, rebel. Again, He made the first move. And He did it without my groveling, without my penance, without my suffering. God had forgiven me because of the finished work of His Son. As I looked up from the Word, and at the door of the church, I prayed for the Lord to forgive me, and to help melt my bitterness. I asked Him to help me forgive and love those who had hurt me, intentionally or unintentionally. And He did.

Over the past 31 years with Jesus, I can’t say that I have never felt the temptation to be bitter. I still live with and work with, well, sinners. There are many opportunities to be hurt, and there are likewise many opportunities for me to hurt others. Yet, God often brings to mind that moment so long ago in the parking lot with Jesus. I remember the day, I remember my car, but most importantly, I remember the words of Ephesians 4:31-32.

Consider your own heart. Are you harboring offenses against a brother or sister? Are you dealing with bitterness against someone in your past? Are you aware that bitterness (regardless of who it is against) will consume you and harm those closest to you? Have you considered the fact that bitterness is a sin? Jesus forgave you—are you not willing to extend a small amount of that grace to someone else?

Don’t walk like the Gentiles, because you’re not one. Let go. Cough it up. Give up your bitterness—lay it at the feet of Jesus. Put off the old man and put on the new. “Forgive one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.”

“If indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.” (Ephesians 4:21-24)

Category: Bitterness and Past Hurts, Trials Tribulations and Suffering | 11 Comments »
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